That time of the month.

Today I cried on the treadmill.

I cried because I was so happy that I was running my fastest 5k ever. (28 minutes flat).

I cried because summer is coming and many of my friends are leaving.

I cried because tickets to Europe are so expensive and I feel guilty that my parents give me so much financially.

I cried because there are so many orphans in the world.

I cried because I have to do my laundry by hand in my sink.

I cried because the North Koreans were drunkenly singing last night so I got little sleep.

I cried because I hate living in Ch.ina.

I cried because I love living in Chin.a.

I cried because I am getting a free PhD and have no debt and that's such a gift.

I cried because I was hungry.

I cried because I didn't lose any weight last week.

I cried because I'm lonely.

I cried because I'm 24 and single and my eggs are drying up.

I cried because my ex-boyfriend cheated on me then married the bitch but continues to call me.

I cried because my sister graduated from college and doesn't have a job.

I cried because they won't let me change my major.

I cried because I have to go to Shanghai to pay for my standardized test because they don't have an online payment option.

I cried because I feel lucky to have my life.

I cried because I'm so proud of myself for learning Chin.ese.

I cried because there are so many people who I still can't talk to about important things in Chin.ese.

I cried because I feel sympathy for my Chin.ese friends and their censorship.

I cried because I want a cat.

I cried because my mom's birthday was yesterday and that made me miss her so much.

I cried because I'm spending so many years so far away from my family.

I cried because I want pizza. And broccoli casserole. And cereal with milk.

I cried because I needed to.

It was cathartic. And I finished my 5K strong, empowered, self-aware, and with the knowledge that everyone leads a unique life - and this is mine. There are things I feel I am lacking (a cat, washing machine, relationship, language skills) but there is so much more that I have been blessed with (a scholarship, meaningful friendships, home, orphan work, cheap massages).

I scheduled another counseling session with the treadmill tomorrow. I have a feeling I'll be needing it.

walk slow. xoxo.