I'm Still Here.

Dealing with life.

Many things have gone wrong/crazy/annoyingly this past week but I'm pulling out of the mental valley and I can feel that things are going to be ok. I'm a fighter.

The nagative thoughts towards Chin.ese people are hard to overcome though. The ups and downs of experiences are amazing.

For example - Thursdays I have 6 classes during the day, then go directly to work, then to the gym. I'm away form home from 7:30am - 10:30pm. I was on the bus to the gym, exhausted, caryying my school bags, computer, and gym bag. I looked up and saw one of my old Chi.nese acquaintances from a Book group sitting on the bus. We were so happy to see each other! He recently got married and showed me his pictures and we had a nice, uplifting chat.

I got off the bus at the gym bus stop all happy about the relationships I have here and feeling encouraged by our interaction.

As I was crossing the street, an old man fell into step beside me. Here's the picture: I was wearing heels that make me over 6 feet tall, and carrying tons of bags. He is an average old Chin.ese person, so about 5 feet tall ad wearing dingy, random Chin.ese clothes.

"Be careful," he said to me in English as we crossed the busy street.

"Yes, be careful," I replied.

"Why did you get off at this stop, you live in this hotel?" he asked, motioning to a hotel we were passing.

"No, I'm going to the gym down the street."

"But you are SO fat! You are SOOO fat! HAHA! You aren't going to the gym! You are too fat!" he said, laughing to himself.

Thanks, Chi.na, for constantly bullying me and trying to bring me down. I often think to myself, "God....I'm supposed to love these people? Because I don't want to."

I stopped replying to the man as he continually yelled out, "hello!? hello?!" to me as I crossed the street. For some reason his comments really hit me hard. I'm used to the fat talk. It happens all the time. But having had a positive interaction directly followed by a negative was hard for me to pick myself up from.

I got to the gym, met up with some friends, and had a good cry in the locker room - surrounded by naked Chi.nese girls who use the hair blow dryer to dry their private parts and sit naked on the public chairs. Seriously, this society is disgusting.

I had my cry. Pulled it together. And went for my daily 5k. Burying that man under my feet for the first 15 minutes and then trying to rummage up forgiveness for him and for my own anger the last 15 minutes.

In other news. It's been hovering around 95 degrees lately (with no AC in the classrooms and limited at home), crazy since a month ago I was in long-johns. Lucky for me, the warm weather means I get my great view back...

Lord, help me. There's North Koreans singing in my dorm, random Chin.ese people calling me fat on the street, and a naked, smoking parade outside my window.

I need a vacation.

walk slow. xoxo.