May 17, 2012

the problem with public announcements.

Two nights ago, this man stood outside my dorm with a single red rose. It was our 3 month anniversary and I was treated to a special dinner and a walk in the public park, surrounded by dancing Chin.ese grandma's and children on roller skates. 

We were so, so happy. 


Last night I broke his heart and in the process, my own.

The problem with posting on my blog about my relationship, which took me so long to do, is that now that I have ended my relationship, I have to post again. Sucks.

Breaking things off was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. Mostly because I love him dearly and he did nothing wrong. But after 3 months, I woke up and realized that our religious difference (which has been becoming more clear to me) was going to end in disaster down the road and that I was disconnected from God.

I had a lightening bolt of realization that I would rather be in tune with God and alone than be in a healthy, happy relationship and feel distant from my Creator. I had to break two hearts to feel whole again.

I feel embarrassed, guilty, regretful, sad. But also courageous and relieved.

And most importantly, I will be running on the Great Wall in two days without a mess of lies and compromise swirling in my head.

Sometimes the hard thing and the right thing are the same.

walk slow. xoxo.


agapelife said...

THat is the problem with public announcements. I feel similarly (thought I know it's way different) when I have a potential job opportunity, I don't want to have to announce later I didn't get it...again I know it's different.

Thanks for sharing friend. Your courage and strength never cease to amaze me.

Anonymous said...

Your honesty and willingness to open your hear to us means the world to us. Love you. Forever and ever. - ellie b