Nov 11, 2011


There's no easy way around it.

I'm in limbo.

I don't want to tell the story until the story has a finale, outcome, definitive result...but I have no idea when this story will find it's closure.

I'm hoping sooner rather than later - for my own sanity's sake - but anything is possible here in Chi.naville.

I will tell you this, dear bloggy. I have been officially dropped from the education department of Zhejiang University - at my own request. I am now awaiting the decision of a committee of whoever's in Beijing or Hangzhou, not sure. This committee holds my fate.

Option 1 - they approve my change of major (I already have a new advisor who has accepted me) and my life continues on, happily, in a major I want to study and with a man whom I respect. My original plan of 3 more years in continues and I begin my classes in the Spring (February).

Option 2 - they deny my request. My student visa will expire and I will lose my housing/living stipend. I will not be able to afford a home on my current paycheck. I will frantically search for a way to get a work visa.

It shouldn't surprise you that I am having trouble sleeping these last few nights.

A door is about to close in my face, or a new path is about to appear. But one thing is for sure - I will not continue on miserably in the education department for 3 more years.

And so I wait...

This is not a bad place to be. It is scary. I have moments of panic. But one thing I have learned is that I am terrified of leaving this place. It's not my time to go. I have had my ups and downs the past few years, but now that possible visa expiration is staring me in the face - I will do anything to stay here. That is great to be aware of.

I have been given the chance to really practice trust and faith. There is nothing I control about this, I only can live my life and wait for the news.

I've been cautious in making other plans (a trip to India is in the works, but I refuse to buy tickets yet, to the chagrin of my travel-mates, until I have more clarity about my future). I've been very aware of my mental states - I am determined not to turn to emotional eating while I am under this stress. (I've lost 2 more pounds, making my grand total 29). Instead I'm turning to the treadmill, friends and my cat, haha.

Some pics from today:

Mu Shu has been getting lots of visitors! I've nicknamed him the "therapy cat" because many of my dormmates knock on my door just to hug on him! I think he makes everyone happier. Here's my Sri Lankan neighbor with baby Mu Mu:

After the gym I headed over to campus for a quick walk with Hannah. Sometimes we have to meet to take a "life break" and walk around the city block once:

There are lockers outside the library where students stow their bags. I love the tea bottles littering the top of the lockers:

How could anyone be stressed when this sweet face is waiting for you at home! (surrounded by his 800 new toys):

Please remember me in my situation. I'll let you know which option pulls me out of limbo.

walk slow. xoxo.


agapelife said...

that is one cute cat.
Super impressed that you've recognized that the education department is not for you! it's hard to see these things sometimes!

Ke Xiao Mei said...

thanks, girl. I made the decision after asking myself if I had a daughter what would I want her to do in this situation. The answer was, "GET OUT." haha. Also, I taught Steve Job's Staford commencement address to my English class. In it he says something like, "if you wake up in the morning and ask yourself 'if I were to die today, is this what I would want to be doing?' If you answer 'No' too many days in a row, something needs to change." My answer is, if I were to die during these three years this is NOT how I would want to have spent my last years. So I'm out.

Miss Lynda and Mr. Al said...

Our Wonder-Woman, Jessica! So much going on in your young life, yet you are handling things like a pro. Your wisdom and tenacity make us proud, but your ability to trust in the outcome blows us away! What an awesome example you are for so many of us. You know that you are always in our thoughts and hearts, and there are many more who are coming alongside to lift you and support you in your newest adventure. I like what you wrote to AgapeLife, and I tend to agree with a young lady who once sported this teriffic bumper sticker: "If it's not fun, why do it?!" Love you and keep you super close, always! P.S. Love to MuShu :-)