There's no easy way around it.
I'm in limbo.
I don't want to tell the story until the story has a finale, outcome, definitive result...but I have no idea when this story will find it's closure.
I'm hoping sooner rather than later - for my own sanity's sake - but anything is possible here in Chi.naville.
I will tell you this, dear bloggy. I have been officially dropped from the education department of Zhejiang University - at my own request. I am now awaiting the decision of a committee of whoever's in Beijing or Hangzhou, not sure. This committee holds my fate.
Option 1 - they approve my change of major (I already have a new advisor who has accepted me) and my life continues on, happily, in a major I want to study and with a man whom I respect. My original plan of 3 more years in Chi.na continues and I begin my classes in the Spring (February).
Option 2 - they deny my request. My student visa will expire and I will lose my housing/living stipend. I will not be able to afford a home on my current paycheck. I will frantically search for a way to get a work visa.
It shouldn't surprise you that I am having trouble sleeping these last few nights.
A door is about to close in my face, or a new path is about to appear. But one thing is for sure - I will not continue on miserably in the education department for 3 more years.
And so I wait...
This is not a bad place to be. It is scary. I have moments of panic. But one thing I have learned is that I am terrified of leaving this place. It's not my time to go. I have had my ups and downs the past few years, but now that possible visa expiration is staring me in the face - I will do anything to stay here. That is great to be aware of.
I have been given the chance to really practice trust and faith. There is nothing I control about this, I only can live my life and wait for the news.
I've been cautious in making other plans (a trip to India is in the works, but I refuse to buy tickets yet, to the chagrin of my travel-mates, until I have more clarity about my future). I've been very aware of my mental states - I am determined not to turn to emotional eating while I am under this stress. (I've lost 2 more pounds, making my grand total 29). Instead I'm turning to the treadmill, friends and my cat, haha.
Some pics from today:
Mu Shu has been getting lots of visitors! I've nicknamed him the "therapy cat" because many of my dormmates knock on my door just to hug on him! I think he makes everyone happier. Here's my Sri Lankan neighbor with baby Mu Mu:
After the gym I headed over to campus for a quick walk with Hannah. Sometimes we have to meet to take a "life break" and walk around the city block once:
There are lockers outside the library where students stow their bags. I love the tea bottles littering the top of the lockers:
How could anyone be stressed when this sweet face is waiting for you at home! (surrounded by his 800 new toys):
Please remember me in my situation. I'll let you know which option pulls me out of limbo.
walk slow. xoxo.