Nov 5, 2011

inner toughness.

There's big academic changes a'brewin'.

I don't want to get too far ahead of myself because nothing is finalized (when is anything in ever finalized?). BUT I have great hopes that soon I will be granted a fresh start in the academic portion of my life.

This morning I had an intense hour and a half meeting with my advisor in which I told the man what's up. Details after everything gets worked through, but I can tell you that my skills in debating and standing up for myself in the language are increasing ten-fold.

I also can say that living in this country for several years has given me a deep sense of the business culture that I can use to my advantage. I knew how I was being played by the system, and let him know it.

Sometimes you have to call a spade a spade.

I cried (of relief) after the meeting and just reflected on the inner strength that has come into play so often recently. (wedding, school issues, etc). I feel like there are traits that I did not have a few years ago. It's nice to see character growth in yourself.

A lot of the parts of me that I tend to not like (aggressiveness, etc) are being honed and sharpened with time. (of course, there's a looong way to go). But it is amazing to see that in an intense meeting I was able to be strong, assertive, and get my way without being a bulldozer. It's not bad to be strong, but how you use your strength is important.

My stretegy was to let the man talk himself out. Rant on and on until he had nothing left to say. I sat there, not interrupting, making eye contact, silent. After he was done and had nothing left - it was my turn to talk; rationally, logically, and appealing to his sense of nationalism and personal pride.

I was gentle, but sharp-shooting in my observations and opinions of bureaucratic Chi.nese culture, the education system, and how the combination of these two entities is affecting my life negatively.

Please keep this situation in your thoughts, because I did say (and mean, I think) that if my change does not come to fruition - I will walk. So there is a lot on the line. Go big or go home. High stakes.

After I cried my happy tears, I met some friends for sweater shopping, Subway lunch, went for a long walk, and grocery shopped before heading home to play with my cat.

I have a Chi.nese essay to write for my Survey class. But that can wait.

I have a kitty to hug on and prayers to say....

walk slow. xoxo.

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