I'm hurting tonight. Wasn't going to write about it, but it feels weird to not mention. Even here in e-world.
I was going to tell you how tonight I spent 6 hours at the hair salon. How they re-did my hair completely for free. How I love my hair. How much fun I had chatting in Chinese for 6 hours with the hairwashers and how I love my new friends. How I have a new group of "people" and how I feel so brave and awesome. How kind they were to me and how many awesome conversations we had.
But instead. You get to hear how I'm breaking into tiny pieces.
While I was sitting in the hairwasher's chair I got a phone call. It was the only person I have ever loved. My ex-Chinese boyfriend. The person I was planning to have a life with - or at least the only person with whom this has even been a possibility.
He's getting married October 30th.
And it's not to me.
He was "letting me know so I didn't hear about it from someone else." And asking if I would come. Ya, he's not the smartest crayon in the emotional IQ box.
I'm going to be very, very far away from Hangzhou on October 30th. It sounds like a great time for a weekend trip to Mongolia. Or Zimbabwe.
I thought I was over it. I thought I had moved on/matured/grow up. But I also didn't think I would have to deal with this just yet. I knew it would come eventually, but was hoping we would stop talking or I would at least have more time.
He said their parents are pressuring them. They are both nearing 30 - the age where if you are not married in China there is something wrong with you.
October 30th is almost 2 years to the day since our "togetherness" imploded.
My insides are melting. I feel like I lost a competition. All the feelings of rejection/being lied to/being mistreated/insecurity are surfacing again.
I swear to you I have enough China drama to write an encyclopedia of stories. Someone give me a book deal.
Or at least a ticket to Mongolia for October 30th???