Aug 9, 2012

funny chapters.

Every once in awhile I find myself in what I call a, "funny chapter." I'm sure you have them too.

Small periods of life, usually between two larger, more clear-cut chapters. These funny chapters can bring clarity, stress, confusion, great joy, new friends, solitude, peace - depending on the chapter.

I find myself, dear friends, in a hilarious chapter I will one day call, "I'm not your girlfriend, but call me every second."

I was woken again this morning with a lovely call from Ethiopia. (I feel cool just saying that - someone give me a reality check). After IP cards on his side kept running out, I found myself scrambling to add money to my skype account just to hear his voice for 2 more seconds. For the record, skyping calling an Ethiopian cell number is 10x the cost of an American cell number. Yikes. I didn't care. "Just two more seconds," I told myself a dozen times over a two hour period.

Are we getting back together? No. There are three countries and two years that stand in our way. I am too close to my dreams to pack it all up and move to a third continent. He is too deep in his family's business to leave for a crazy redhead in And I'm not waiting.

But this season, this funny chapter, has been a wonderful, unexpected closure period. I have my buddy back. We've talked it all out. I love talking it out. I understand what happened. I see clearly. What a great gift. I am infinitely thankful for these phone calls that have cleared such a path in my soul. Where nervousness, guilt, and fear once were are now happiness, thankfulness, and appreciation. I used to be so afraid I would run into him on the street. Now I await his next call. That is redemption, my friends. On a small level, but redemption nonetheless.

I've learned so much about myself through these phone calls. I've admitted my relationship failures and hopefully can keep from making the same mistakes/assumptions twice. I have also learned that I function much better as a single woman than as half of a unit.

I'm so thankful for this funny chapter. The summer when my mom visited, I tutored a kid everyday, went to a Chin.ese wedding, took afternoon naps after swimming, had a Chin.ese tutor, and received lovey calls from a person dear to me in Africa.

I have a feeling of "coming full circle," of understanding, of freedom, of self-awareness, and of love.

I also know that there is a group of young men in Addis Ababa who say they, "saw a Jessica," when they see a white person.

Ha. Funny chapters, gotta love 'em.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

walk slow. xoxo.


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