Jan 7, 2011

No Balls.

Today I had to give a presentation in Chi.nese speaking class. Every Friday two students have the pleasure of speaking in crap Chi.nese for 2 minutes while other students day dream. Today it was me and the Japanese dude's turn.

Almost every person has drawn their country on the board in chalk and said a few things about their hometown and then sat down.

Um, I come from America - that's not cool and exotic. And I refuse to be boring.

So I decided to teach my class some of my favorite (clean) Chi.nese slang. Because I'm the old lady that's been around these parts for awhile, my speaking is more advanced than my class (my really low reading and writing cancels that out though). They often ask me about "cool words" or what to do in "real life" situations because our book is really formal and not very useful for real life.

In my 3 minutes of glory that turned into a 15 minutes Jessica-is-the-teacher time I taught them these fabulously useful phrases:

Stupid: 二百五 er bai wu
All the cats and dogs (everyone): 阿猫阿搞 ah mao ah gao
What are you lookin' at?: 看什么看 kan shenme kan
No balls/guts: 没友种 mei you zhong
Eat in the East, sleep in the West (equivalent to "have your cake and eat it too") 东室西宿 dong shi xi su

That last one had a story that I told in Chi.nese. I'm very proud of myself.

Here's the short version: In the first Chin.ese Dynasty (Qin) there lived a girl and it was her time to get married. Her two neighbors came and proposed to here. One was a Chi.nese man. He was short and ugly, but his family had a lot of money. The other was a Westerner, he was very handsome but he had no money. She could not decide who to choose. After some time, her father told her to raise her right hand if she wanted the Eastern neighbor, her left hand if she wanted her Western neighbor. She rose both hands and said, "I want to eat in the East and sleep in the West."

Have your cake and eat it too.

My class laughed and took notes and was happy to learn the word for "balls." And I was happy I got a 100%. :)

Flash forward an hour and I found myself riding the bus to work after class. I called my dear friend whom I always ring up when I just need to "talk it out."

I vented for about 20 minutes about how I knew my boss was going to ask me if I could teach next semester. (there are only two weeks left in this work season). I have been battling the idea of quitting work because I am massively busy and committed. I have personal relationships that take time to keep up, 20 hours a week of class, not including the massive amounts of outside class time that learning Chi.nese takes, chrch responsibilities, and running the orphan program. And next semester is the dreaded HSK - the test that everything hangs on. It is the Chi.nese test for foreigners.

I lamented that I have no idea where to fit in my HSK study time, but that quitting my job is almost not possible money wise.

Also my job is not just any old stupid english teaching job (those are a dime a dozen in Asia), my job is a connection in the network of hospitals and orphan outreach programs I'm involved in and is the place of work for my 3 best Chi.nese friends.

In a relational and "harmonious" based society like this one, quitting this job prematurely could be disasterous for relationships.

And honestly, I like my job when I'm there. The one hour bus ride to and from is obnoxious, but when I'm there it's awesome.

Blah blah blah. I want to quit. blah blah blah my evil boss is going to ask me to stay. blah blah blah study comes first. blah blah blah. emotional stability. blah blah too busy. blah blah I hate the bus I'll just buy a convertible. Wait what? Nevermind. ha.

I get there. Do class. Have a new student who just returned from getting his MD in Germany. Coolness. Then Boss from Weirdoville and I sit down for "the talk."

Her: "Jessica, would you like to teach here again next semester?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "Also, would you like to tutor my daughter on Sunday afternoons? She loves you very much."
Me: "Ok. If you come to where I live. We can do it on campus."
Her: "Good. Here is some black rice bread."

And that was that.

I have no balls. All that moaning and poo'ing and I said "yes" to staying without pausing for a breathe. haha. So that's that.

Also, my bosseroo whipped out a huge-ass Canon camera and took some lovely photos of me to put on the hospital website to show that they have "international whatever."

She emailed me these pictures this afternoon. And I look like a doody in everyone.

Note to self - get more sleep, wear your hair down to work, put on lipstick, and don't move around so awkwardly.

And grow some balls.

For your viewing pleasure - this is what I look like during Friday's English corner where the doctors come to learn a little 'Merican while on their lunch breaks:

I'm going to clean my studio now. And then wash clothes in my sink. And stare at my fridge. Because I own one. And then have friends over for decaf tea and a movie. Because that's what teachers with bad hair styles and awkward gestures do on Friday nights.

Have a good Friday wherever you are!

Walk Slow. xoxo.


agapelife said...

I Love your posts!

Jenna said...

and I love YOU.
i just had to one-up rae.

RSA Online said...

Wow you seem to be adjusting to China very well! I spent a week there a couple of years ago and as a 6'3 blond female let me tell you I stuck out like a sore thumb!

Mom said...

You are silly!!! We can't wait to have you home!

Jennifer said...

your posts have great one liners. and yes. you do need to grow a pair.

RSA Sydney said...

Your post is really superb.

Keep writing always.