Lactard.

This post is all about food. Because I need to rant.

I love Chin.ese food...

But several changes have gone on inside my body that have to be dealt with. The most pressing being...dun dun dun...dairy.

I'm done.

Over it.

Giving up. Giving in.

You win, MILK PRODUCTS.

I'm officially deeming myself a "lactard" and demoting all dairy products to "inedible/non-consumable/run for your life" in my book.

You see, back in my USA days, I used to loooooove a big bowl of cereal, a cup of Yoplait, perhaps some yogurt on fruit or granola. Normal, right? I never really drank milk, I just enjoyed it (or dairy in general) as a natural part of my diet. And who can pass up Yoplait whips? Sooooo goooood.

Anyways, fast forward 2 years and my now diet consists of little to no dairy. Cheese is practically impossible to find here without paying your first born child (Chin.ese don't eat cheese. so weird) and yogurt and milk products are usually out of date by several weeks. Most people here drink non-pastuerized milk out of bags. The entire milk aisle in the grocery store is non-refrigerated. So naturally, I have stayed away, especially since the dairy scandal from last year was centered around my town. (Those executives have been sentenced to death, btw, these people don't mess around.)

Last year after the scandals died down I started to buy fruit yogurt in portable cups and carry them on the bus in the morning as my breakfast. It was refreshing, light, and a great way to start the day. But then I noticed that as soon as the hour bus ride was over, I would be running to the bathroom sick. Weird. Soon I corrolated the two together and realized that on days I didn't eat yogurt, I wasn't in such a hurry to hit the squatty potty. So, I stopped buying yogurt.

Well Thursday at the grocery store I must have had a brain fart because I purchased a cup of peach yogurt. It was on sale, and glowing at me, and all I could think of was the refreshing feeling of yogurt in my belly.

(here is the culprit...)

Then I came home and ate it with my lunch.

And all hell broke loose. Over 2 hours of laying on the floor in pain that no amount of Pepto could mask. Just pure, unadulturated abdominal pain.

I have been researching the benefits of soy over dairy and there are definite pros to giving up cows milk. For one, cows are treated like crap and it's hard to tell if your milk is coming from a clean source. (but then, you can attribute this cause to just about any animal product consumed by humans). Soy milk is also a complete protein, but it must be fortified in order to give humans any source of calcium. There seems to be no real defining argument that gives either side an advantage in the milk world, except that soy milk does not contain lactose. If a person's body does not have enough of the enzyme to break down the milk sugars, then soy is the way to go. (so apparently, I am missing enzymes? that's cool sounding. Chin.a stole my enzymes.)

So as of today I am going dairy free. No cheese, no ice cream, no pizza, no milk, no yogurt, no coffee creamer.

So where do you get calcium from if you are a lactard?

Well, I looked that up to. Because regardless of the massive amount of fried noodles that I eat, I do care about nutrients. Turns out, it's easy to be a lactard and still care about your bones because calcium is found in all these wonderful things: almonds, broccoli, leafy greens, salmon, edamame, tofu, spinach, wheat bread, oranges, and figs. Well cha-ching because already in my diet regularly are tofu, broccoli, leafy greens, spinach, wheat bread, and figs. So turns out my body isn't suffering/won't suffer from giving up dairy. (shweewwww).

So now I have my trusty box of ready to drink Soyfresh imported from Malaysia to get me through the cold, lonely, milk free nights. I love the bottle because it assures the consumer that it is "Jallal" (kosher in arabic terms) and has English, Malay, and Arabic languages on it. It makes me feel like my fridge is globally minded.

I guess this was just a long-winded way of saying...

Milk, I want my two hours back. And I refuse to waste any more precious Pepto on you.

And if you read all the way through this without giving up, I'm shocked. hahahaha.

Walk slow. xoxo.