Oct 21, 2015

An Evening Encounter.

After a long Chinese life, certain things are striking when returning home to America:

Big gulps of fresh air. 
Blue sky. 
Extreme amounts of personal space. 
Customer service. 
Extra Large portions. 
Ice cold water. 
No honking cars. 
Clouds in the sky. 

And stars. 

In my quick turn around and journey from China - America - Rwanda, these striking things have taken a new twist because I am comparing not only America but Asia as well to Africa. It's interesting and fun to observe myself - how I encounter different things. 

Tonight I had an entire blog post planned to write out explaining that I have returned today to Kibungo. That my job officially starts Friday and I'm readjusting to solitude and village living. 

But then I went outside down the red dirt road for the lusciously warm and squishy (my fave type of food) African dinner buffet at the Catholic church. 
And the entire town's electricity went out. 

I pulled out my mini-maglite and kept wandering towards the promise of food, careful not to trip on the uneven road, and slightly embarrassed that I needed a light while the Rwandans around me walked in total darkness seemingly fine. 

Then I noticed. 

The stars. 

I can't even explain how gorgeous the stars are tonight in Kibungo, Rwanda. 

All because the entire town is lacking of artificial light. I could see the stars so clearly and bright and shiny - celestial. They twinkle. Stars twinkle. I was so surprised and in awe that I stood for several lingering moments and just looked and breathed. 

Thanks to years in smoggy China and unreliable electricity in Rwanda for that moment of utter bliss for this American. 




walk slow. xoxo. 

Oct 13, 2015

Call Me White Man.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about nouns for identity and constant "otherness."

In China, I lived 7 years being called,  老外 "foreigner" everywhere I went in public. It translates literally to "old outside" and can be described as derogatory or polite, depending on who you are talking to. Children point at foreigners and say it, it is written on Starbucks coffee cups instead of your name, and is the basic describer for all non-yellow people.

Here in Rwanda I am now, "muzungu" or "white person." My otherness is still being labeled and called to me on the streets, but instead of being identified by my obvious geographical otherness, I am being marked by color. 

This has caused some difficulty for my usual response. In China the conversations would go like this...

them, pointing: "foreigner!" 
me, pointing: (looking shocked) "Chinese person!" 

But here...that trick doesn't work when being labeled by color. 

I hear it everywhere. "Muzungu Kalibu!" "White person, welcome!" is hollered in fruit stands and market stalls. However, here it seems to be said less often than "foreigner" in China, and is said with less negative stigma. I don't feel like I am an animal in a zoo, as I often did in Asia. In Rwanda it is often sweet, said in a softer tone and usually sans fingers pointing. 

It's something really to ponder deeply. How are we called and how do we call others. It matters. Just as our response matters. 

Yesterday I was walking down a busy road in search of an ATM. I was concentrating on not slipping on the red dirt and not getting side swiped by a moto so I wasn't really paying attention to the hoards of people walking along the side of the road. So I was taken by surprise when a small school boy chirped while passing by me, "Hello, white man." In english. Very matter of fact and sweet. 

My heart leapt with laughter and I was so surprised that I just kept walking and replied in my most surprised and amused voice. 

"Hello, white man." 
"Hello, African child." 



Oh man, this place is great. I laughed in my head all night about that interaction. The streak of otherness continues. But in a whole new context. 


Kigali in the late afternoon. 



walk slow. xoxo. 

Oct 12, 2015

Rwanda's Pain.

The world is full of atrocity. 

In human history; ancient and recent. In modern day; from Syria to Iraq to Myanmar and South Sudan. Stories of pain, mass murder, terror, and prejudice are told from all corners of the globe throughout recorded time. 

Within these records are stories of human triumph, reconciliation, and the pursuit of justice. It's a cycle. World response to modern atrocity is typically politically motivated, regardless of each NGO's idealistic pamphlets. Horrible things happen - the world either responds or doesn't...people create memorials...then horrific events occur elsewhere. This will not end until the Good Lord calls us home. It's broken humanity. 

I know enough to know how little I know. But one thing I have learned - after traveling the world the past 7 years - is that there is evil and there is good in the world and through evil comes good - eventually. 

Today, a public affairs officer from the embassy was gracious enough to spend her Sunday morning driving three english language program participants to two genocide memorial churches just outside of Kigali. This officer has been instrumental in the creation of a preservation grant for one of the churches that will enable preservationists from the US to travel to Rwanda to train locals to preserve these sacred spaces. This preservation is necessary for future generations to bear witness to the dark period in Rwanda's history and to ensure that it is not forgotten or repeated. It was an honor to be with her while experiencing these places. This project is very dear to her, and it was inspirational to hear the history from someone who has invested her heart and work into this place. 

Out of respect to my Rwandan friends and readers...I don't need to get into the nitty gritty of what occurred in these churches. You can read about it here or here. 

The basic gist: On April 25, 1994, 10,000 Tutsis who had sought refuge inside the Catholic church, considering it a sacred space, were brutally murdered. They were mostly women, children, and the elderly. In 1994 there were 32,000 Tutsis living in the area of the church. Only 2,000 of those Tutsis in this area are known to have survived the genocide. Behind the church is a mass grave that houses 45,000 bodies - earthly remains of souls that have left this cruel earth. Inside the church, the alter cloth is blood stained. The pews are covered in victims clothing. The ceiling is riddled with bullet holes and blood splatters. Rows of exposed skulls line an underground passage. Coffins are piled randomly, some covered with a family name written on a cross, some unmarked. 

Genocide is dirty and senseless and leaves a mess for those who survive. 

It's hard stuff. As a visitor, you wonder whether it is even appropriate to be there, to turn this atrocity into tourism. But, our embassy officer reminded us of the importance to tell the story. To learn and listen and repeat it to those willing and able to hear. To write this blog, to tell our friends. 

Horrific events occurred in Rwanda in the years leading up to and culminating in the 1994 genocide. Unspeakable, unfathomable acts. A reality that my neighbors, moto taxi drivers, students, and friends live every day with. A reality I will never pretend to relate to or understand. This is their story. This is their pain. 

As we stood in the garden beside the mass graves, I asked our tour guide why she became a tour guide. I was, and still am, mystified that she could tell the story over and over without some kind of serious mental instability. She replied that as a genocide survivor, she has the responsibility to tell others what happened here. She said that this is her history and it cannot be repeated. By telling the story of the thousands who died in that church - she is somehow helping others to bear witness to the events and honor the dead. 

For 20 years after the genocide, the town of Nyatarama did not have a church. Their church was a mass grave - an important memorial, but still not a functioning church. But in 2014, a new church was finally built only 400 meters from the place where just one generation ago a majority of the town was slaughtered. They have their church back. They are rebuilding. Memorializing. Preserving. And at least on the surface - reconciling. 

I will never, ever understand the events of April, 1994 in Rwanda. 
I don't need to. 

But I do need to show you these pictures, let you know that this church exists, and spread the hope that by awareness, human horror can somehow be stifled. Or at least let those living with this reality be honored. 

The world is full of monstrosity. North, South, East, West, no corner is immune. 
This is Rwanda's unique pain. 
Let's bear witness and honor her. 















'For the dead and the living, we must bear witness," -Elie Wiesel. 








walk slow. xoxo. 

Oct 10, 2015

One Month Update.

"The willingness to show up changes us, 
it makes us a little braver each time." 
-Brene Brown, Daring Greatly. 


One month ago, I packed way too much stuff into three luggages and flew across the world with my cat, again. This time the destination was one I have dreamed of for many years and for many reasons: Africa.

The last four weeks have been everything and nothing I anticipated. They have been boring and exhilarating, uplifting and heartbreaking, eye-opening and mystifying.

My fellowship has not begun in the way that I was expecting, and this has brought many twists and turns and a "fly by the seat of my pants, be ready at any minute for anything" lifestyle.

As many of you, dear friends of the internet persuasion, have noticed - I am not in my host city anymore. I spent 9 days in Kibungo before temporarily re-locating back to the capitol of Rwanda, Kigali. There are many issues with my placement including security, water, and politics. What is required in order for my Fellowship to take place is not set up yet. It has been a learning experience to see how these issues are tackled within the Rwandan context. Trial and learning by fire. I am thankful that I was removed from the situation by the US Embassy. For now, I am staying with another fellow in the big city who has been generous and kind and patient and every other positive adjective towards myself and Mushu as we crash her humble abode.

This means that I am homeless and without work for the moment, which is a huge blessing in disguise because I have been able to spend time in the city getting to meet people, start to build a network, and join in as the fellows based in the city begin their work. I have had the pleasure of constantly observing and making mental notes, as well as planning a few small scale events - which will benefit me as the months go by. I am thankful for this time, even though it comes with it feelings of stagnancy and frustration.

Hopefully, I will be able to return to Kibungo soon. It could be tomorrow, it could be in two weeks. I have no idea. There are many ducks that need to line up in order for the move to happen, but I know that eventually everything will work out. It has to - there is no other option.

Overall, I am incredibly thankful to have been placed in Rwanda, even if it means this temporary challenge here in the beginning weeks. Rwanda is clean, fairly easy to traverse, full of nice people, and safe. Not to mention - absolutely, breathtakingly gorgeous at every glance. And the team of English Language Fellows and Fulbrighters = rockstars. I really love it here.

Hopefully I will have some better news for you soon. But for now, I am just winging it here in Rwanda.
(But aren't we all just winging it?) 






walk slow. xoxo.





Oct 6, 2015

Morning Thoughts in Haiku.

In or out please choose 
safe under the net we sleep
then you meow again 


try new things, even 
if it scares you. but tell your
moto please slow down 


red dirt red hair red
is everywhere. you might
think this is china. 


anticipation
will the lights work this morning 
water is bonus 


there are not enough 
baby wipes in the whole world 
to make me feel clean. 


small kids begging, as
I walk home to make dinner
this life is not fair 


be as curious
about the world as Afr'cans
are with redhead folk


on three continents
my cat has travelled with me 
global companion


deodorant is
useless when you haven’t done 
laundry in two weeks 


why did I bring so
much makeup to Africa
send me chocolate


I know I'm tasty
just ask the spider who bit
my leg for his lunch 


one person will not 
change the world, but isn't it 
our duty to try? 


in fifty years my 
grandchildren are going to 
think I'm a badass. 


walk to the market, 
sense overload? Nah, I would 
rather watch Netflix.

remind me again
why do others suffer while
I sit on the couch


how can it be real
that twenty years ago, blood 
flowed like a river 


is it ultimate 
forgiveness or ultimate
manipulation? 


so many unknowns, 
what is Rwanda? I can
just scratch the surface. 









walk slow. xoxo. 





Oct 2, 2015

A weekend in Kayonza.

Rwanda is really stinkin' cool. 

It's a teeny-tiny country with a lake, volcanoes, safari park, and gorillas all packed into it's tightly woven borders. It seems that there are too many great places to see - that perhaps a one-year contract could only scratch the surface of discovering Rwanda. 

With this in mind, (and a desire for a hot shower - #truth), my fellow fellow and I booked our second weekend in Rwanda in a "luxury tent" at the Discover Rwanda Eco-Lodge in Kayonza. No better time than now to get going and get seeing. 

Or sitting and relaxing, which is basically what we did all weekend. 

The Discover Rwanda Eco-Lodge is a business run by Women for Women International. Genocide widows from across Eastern Province are trained in hospitality or culinary arts to find jobs or are taught basket weaving and have their goods sold in a shop for a 50% split profit with the lodge. Their children take free classes at the lodge and it the place is run entirely by Rwandans, which was nice. 

For a meager 60$ a night, we got a comfortable bed, hot amazing shower, a composting toilet, huge breakfast, and amazing views of the valley. It was incredible and very much needed after how intense this move has been. My fellow fellow was an incredible listener and we had a great time sharing stories, reading, and just looking at the valley. 


A peaceful retreat


Fanta break! So African of us. 

"Yes We Can!" 

a sentimental dress that means so many things to me, finally worn in Africa 

Eastern Province countryside 

getting' her weave on




my spoils. 

It was wonderful. Thanks, Kayonza, for being a wonderful first stop in my year-long exploration of this country! 





walk slow. xoxo. 

Britney Spears Re-Mix: Kigali Style.

Because of unforeseen circumstances, I have been spending this week in the big city, Kigali. Mushu and I are staying with a gracious fellow fellow and we are enjoying getting to know the city better and having some company while we wait to go back. 

It's been a nice to be here with familiar faces, interacting with the city and observing more about what makes Rwanda tick. 

Like today's moto-taxi driver interaction while zooming through the city....

him: "Are you a girl or a wife?" 
me: "A what?" 
him: "A giiirrrrl? Or a wiiiife?" 

me: "..." 

me: singing to the tune of Queen Britney Spears' early 2000's hit...."I'm not a girl....not yet a wiiiiife...." 


Thanks for the cultural humor, Kigali moto man. I needed that. 


mid-moto selfie = skillz




walk slow. xoxo.