hug it out.

It's one of those Friday nights.

I am at home with my cat in my lap, green face mask generously applied to my face, looking up plane flights to anywhere, and contemplating opening an e-harmony profile.

It's one of those nights where I think I'm lonely but I'm not sure - because I'm happy. Can lonely and happy exist together? Maybe.

I'll leave you contemplating that philosophical nugget while my cat and I hug it out.

Happy Friday.




walk slow. xoxo.

"head and shoulders" like you've never seen it before.

These summer days are really fabulous. 

Today I got my first week's pay for teaching this little monster...

Maybe I can use the money to get a hair implant on my giant forehead...

They live in a foofy area near the river and I walked out to the river to check out the "view" after our morning session. Turns out there is no view besides mud and gray...but at least I got to see something new. That was fun.

Mud. 

Foofy area.

trees, mountains, smog, rich people. 

I met up with some friends for manicures this afternoon and got briht green nails. I think I was influenced by the fact that Eason and I read, "The Princess and the Frog" today. Manicure time was fun. I had a precious girl do my nails who told me if I am lonely this summer, to go see her and then went into a 5 minute story telling about how her and some friends went to the Hangzhou Amusement Park and she was so scared of the roller coasters. Absolutely precious and so fun to be talked to in Chi.nese like a normal person - to hear real life stuff. I just loved her spirit. I'll def be going back there for a nail polish and some high-quality company.

During my Walmart run this afternoon, I picked up this awesome fan. It's a fan in the shape of a rice bowl and then it comes with stickers you can place on it in to shape of different foods. Awesome invention alert! I tried to make mine vegetarian but added some fish balls. (I'm also failing at being a real life vegetarian, but that's another post all together...) I love this fan! So cute! I can't wait to be the fat foreigner waving my rice bowl fan at the bus stop. Yum Yum. Pass the soy sauce.

And for your viewing pleasure, here is Eason's fabulous rendition of "head, shoulders, knees and toes." Sorry I can't figure out how to flip the video. I'm tech-dumb. But turn your neck to the left and watch my little student during one of our "breaks" where we sing a medley of songs because he is 7 years old and has too much energy to sit in a chair for 2 hours and do textbook exercises. Our medley consists of, "Head and shoulders," "The more we play together," and, "I am special." The dance moves are entirely him. He was totally cracking me up so I grabbed my phone to be able to share the moment. 

Enjoy. 

I have bright green nails, a fan shaped like Chi.nese take-out, and a hip-shaking 7 year old student. Good day.





walk slow. xoxo. 

a screaming child, a napping man, and other equally exciting encounters.

The summer routine has solidified itself. I'm likin' it.

Daily tutoring gives stability, a steady income, and an early wake-up call (but not tooo early, PTL). And afternoons of Chi.nese class, errands, time with friends or alone, and the hospital work give my life fullness and a feeling of personal indulgence. 

I can really only do these days a sliver of justice by sharing some short stories of the last 48 hours. 

~Recently, I met a Chine.se teacher, Emma, who studied Chi.nese and then opened a "studio" in Hangzhou to teach foreigners. I liked her right away. She came highly recommended by some foriegn acquaintances. She is professional, not giggly like so many of her counterparts, and I could tell during our conversation that she would be a great teacher. I begged her to find a time slot for me this summer and we had our first meeting yesterday. She is double the price of standard classes, and this almost kept me from sealing the deal, but I am so glad I went through with it because she is well worth it. She was prepared, she evaluated my skills carefully and accurately and together we formed a plan for my Chin.ese learning over the next year with the eventual goal of passing the highest HSK next June (dream big, I say). It was so exciting to be on this side of things! 

It was funny - we have conversed with each other in Chi.nese socially a few times and she came into the lesson thinking my level is very high based on these interactions. We chatted for awhile and she told me her aim was to, "break my confidence," to help me to learn. "Hunny, I have no confidence, I just like to talk and know how to have a conversation," I told her. Then she pulled out a passage for me to read. My knees started sweating. My body language changed to a scrunched up position, and I stumbled over my words, barely knowing any of it. "Um...maybe we need to work on your confidence," she said. "I'm confusing. This is why I need a private tutor and not a class," I replied. I am so, so, so happy to have Chi.nese class every Tuesday. It's about time. When I went to leave she said to me, "We are the same. You studied English and teach English, I studied Chin.ese and teach Chine.se." I think I found the Chin.ese me. Cool. Time to get reading! bah. 

~I really hope to God one day that my kids are not screamers. Because the one I currently teach every morning is a screamer, and Lord help us all. He understands English and can follow directions well, but when asked even a simple question he responds with the pounding of fists and very loud, aggressive yelling. I remind him to, "use his words," to express himself, but I am not sure that 2 hours a day with me will undo the semesters of frustration and academic stress that he is obviously feeling. How do you reverse the affects of an over-pressured school system on a young child? How do I get this kid to realize that even though all he does is have foreign tutors come to his house day in and day out that he is more important than a test score or if he goes to international school? How do you be a light in a stressed kids life? I'll get back to you on those answers, and I might take earplugs with me to work tomorrow. 

~Finally, my AC is fixed! PTL! The stars and the moon and the whatevers aligned and this afternoon it worked out for me to take Mushu to my friend's dorm and then go tell the dorm monitors that my AC is broken. I've not been sleeping and I've been easily angered and I knew that living in 100+ heat is the culpret. I sent Mushu to "camp" for the afternoon and headed downstairs to tell whoever about my problem. I knocked on the office door, but noone answered and the cleaning lady walked by. "My air conditioner is broken who do I tell?" I asked. "It's rest time," she said, then she went and knocked onthe window of the area where the dorm dudes hang out and sleep at night. The mean one was working and he lifted his head from the desk with his usual snarl (seriously, it's incredible that someone could snarl this consistently), and he snapped at her, "When I am done with my nap I will go upstairs and look at it," and then put his haed back down. It was 1:15pm. I was shocked, but not shocked. This is a perfect example of Chi.nese productivity and work ethic. Who gives a crap thatm y air is broken? It's nap time, and who cares that it is this guy's job to deal with the dorm issues and he is in his 40's - no one messes with nap time. I looked at the cleaner with big eyes and asked her, "When will he come?" "2 o'clock," she said. "OMG," I muttered as I fumbled back to my sweltering cat-less home. It's not that I had to wait, it's the principle of the matter. Lesson learned - nap time > work duties. 

At 2:15 I had not heard from anyone and had to leave for work at 4, so I went downstairs and found Mr. Sleepyhead pacing the hall. "Are you done resting?" I asked snarkily. He replied that he had called the repairman. Sometime later, a dude in dirty boots marched into my dorm and I now and the happy dweller of an air conditioned room. Happiness! I'm gonna sleep great tonight! Might even take a nap tomorrow, too. ;) 

~Last night I had the pleasure of going to KTV with my friend Rachel's summer camp girls and some volunteers from America who are here for the camp. A 30-ish first grade teacher sat with huge eyes and  stiff shoulders as she watched the Ch.inese girls bounce around and sing off key to their favorite songs. I found it fascinating to watch her obvious discomfort and was reminded of a few times in my C.hina tenure when I have found myself at KTV with both Chi.nese people and visiting foreigners. It is strange to know that you will never be Chi.nese, that you will never be fully accepted, but that you have crossed the border into, "strange" territory as seen by your own nationality. It's like a no-man's-land of identity. The Chi.nese think I am weird because I am not Chi.nese. The Americans think I am weird because I like/do Chin.ese things. I expressed this to Rachel who mentioned the movie, "Lost in Translation." Yup. That sums it up well.

I've got a screaming kid, a napping dorm guard, and a Chine.se teacher with high hopes. 

Turn down the AC and pass me a diet coke. It's gonna be a great, though randomly lost in translation,  summer. 

walk slow. xoxo. 

summer time.

Mom's been gone a whole week and summer time is kicking into full swing. 

A few weeks ago I made a list of things of, "summer to-do's" including restaurants and activities in HZ that I have never experienced before. A lot has changed in the past 3 years and now I find myself in groups of people talking about places I have never been. I want to try out a lot of these new places especially since my students also live in HZ and I want to be up-to-date on my info of activities and special places to recommend to them! 

One thing on my list is to find a swimming pool! Over the years I have heard of friends going to pools, but the thought of being with a bunch of staring Chi.nese people while in a swimsuit was not a happy one. 

This summer, though, I really wanted to find a pool to swim in because I love to swim as exercise and the gym is sooo hot! Sunday, Yemi and I set out to find the pool in the botanical garden a 15 minute walk from our dorm. 

We found our way and paid the $3.50 entrance fee. 

And it was such a glorious afternoon! The pool was more busy than I expected and the lack of lane lines made it difficult to swim laps, but I was able to dodge the kids and get in a short swim which left my shoulders screaming and me so, so happy to be in the water!

Yemi and I sat by the pool reading magazines and it felt almost like America. Soon I'll try another indoor pool that supposedly is more conducive to swimming laps. I am so happy to have finally searched out a pool!

Today I started my month-long summer job. I am tutoring a 7 year old monkey every day for the next 4 weeks. He is a Ch.inese kid who is starting at the International School in town come Fall. His parents want him to do the Grade 1 book before he enters Grade 2. Soon he will be schooling in all English, so he needs to be comfortable with foreigners (i.e. ME).

He's a presh head and we are just doing textbooks so the job is easy. He comes from an elite fam so it is an interesting look into the lives of people that I don't come in contact with on an average basis. They even have a live-in Philippino nanny. For about 10 minutes I thought she was E's mom. haha.

I'm so thankful for this job. For two HZ summers in a row, I have been gifted a perfect summer job tutoring short-term. Hallelujah.

Swimming, teaching..... a little bit work a little bit play......just the way a summer's supposed to be!





walk slow. xoxo. 

hot as hades.

I keep reminding myself that somewhere around 40% of the world's population lives in a slum and I need to be thankful for what I have. 

But even with those statements meant to gain perspective, I am still perturbed that my air conditioner is broken and it is a "feels like" of 102 here in glorious, humid Hangzhou. 

My friend called it, "Hellzhou," the other day and weather-wise, she might be onto something. 

Even Mushu is exhausted by the summer heat and lack of cool air conditioning. 

Little does he know that he is the problem. Without a secret cat, I could just tell the dorm guys and have it fixed in a week. But alas, I am mentally forming a plan to get it fixed without them finding out about Baby Kitty. 

I suck at puzzles and logistics though, so figuring out what to do is taking some time. 

Meanwhile, I have purchased a bamboo sleeping mat that the Ch.inese people use to keep cool while they slumber in the summer. (these people use like zero electricity, even in the Chi.nese student dorms they have no AC). 

I have found that sleeping naked on this thing is a thousand times cooler than in regular cotton sheets. (sorry for the visual). The only problem is I am slightly concerned about getting a splinter in a strange place. But the coolness outways the risks...

I'm also now a card-carrying member of the sunbrella club. My mom got me this sun umbrella in the Shanghai subway and I'm wondering why I've scoffed at the things for so many years. It's hot as H-E-double hockey sticks and this thing helps deter the sun. (behind the pollution, of course). Thanks, mom!

 In other, less boiling news, because it is summer and we should do fun things, Yemi and I went to our fave restaurant a few nights ago. Instead of ordering the "fragile melon of pig's ear is inserted," we tried to get the, "vegetable salad," as our vegetable.

But they were out of vegetable salad and instead brought us lettuce drenched in peanut butter.

Apparently this is what they thought foreigners would like? Interesting. It wasn't bad, though apples or celery would have been a better choice than lettuce.

Tomorrow is my last day of rest before I start my 6 week, "summer routine," of tutoring a kid and taking Chi.nese classes next week. I think I'm going in search of a pool. I have a sunbrella I'd like to show off.







walk slow. xoxo. 

those with dignity need not apply.

Anti-discrimination laws don't exist in Chi.na.

The rules of the 1950's for flight attendants remain here with weight/height restrictions. To be a waitress you must be younger than 30. There is discrimination against those who are pregnant, newly married (so may become pregnant) and those from rural areas.

I have a close friend who just graduated with her masters degree and got a lucrative job as a middle school teacher. She was forced to sign an agreement with the school that she will not get married or have a baby for 2 years. She didn't dare tell them she had a boyfriend out of fear of not being hired.

As a white, native English speaker I have not directly felt this discrimination until yesterday. And it was so funny. (well, as much as discrimination can be funny). I am thankful for the experiences that allow me to see Chi.na and it's practices from the inside. So often, I feel like I only have contact with certain pockets of society and want to have my view of Chin.ese society broadened - with both positive and negative observations and experiences.

Yesterday I got my wish.

I was sitting on the bus home after my english class at the hospital (where I taught them the pledge of allegiance to celebrate Independence day, haha) and received a call from my Ch.inese friend John. (who used to work at the hospital, but doesn't any more).

He told me that his manager at the bookstore where he works asked him if he knew any foreigners and he responded that yes, he knew one. (Me). His manager was looking for foreign waitresses for a party on Friday and Saturday evening. The pay was good and normally I would say no to these opportunities because they can take a lot of time and dealing with people is annoying, but it's summer and I'm poor so I said ok.

My friend told me the manager would call me and in ten minutes, he did. The manager doesn't speak english and was speaking really slurred Chi.nese at me and I couldn't understand fully. Finally after asking him to repeat himself a million times he said slowly in Chine.se, "Can you bake cookies?""Um, yes," I said. "Good, someone else will call you." Then he hung up.

I panicked a little because I realized that I had agreed to not be a waitress, as I was told, but to do some kind of cookie demonstration at a hotel. Oh dear Lord.

About 5 minutes later I recieved a call from another number with equally difficult and aggressive Chin.ese. Again the questions started, "Do you speak Chine.se?" "A little." "Can you bake cookies?""Yes.""What kind of cookies can you bake?" "Um, peanut butter." (there's no chocolate chips here.) "Ok, so tomorrow I'll take you to a meal, then we will relax, and I will give you an introduction to what we want."

Ummmm....I thought I was only working Friday and Saturday and was NOT thrilled with having to spend a whole another day with these dudes unpaid. So at this point, I was starting to have my doubts. Then the guy nonchalantly asked the awesome questions...

"Are you pretty?"

------pause-------internal laughter------contemplating my options-----seeing a way out------

"No."

----pause----

"Are you charming?"

"No."

He hung up.
I laughed outloud.

Thank you, dear sir, for showing me how it is in a land of no discrimination laws, first-handedly.

Today I recieved no less than 10 calls and texts from that man.

He's going to have to find another pretty and charming foreigner to bake cookies like a circus act. I prefer to do work that preserves my dignity and work for people who respect others regardless of their looks or natural charm.

Thanks for the culture lesson.


;)




walk slow. xoxo.

zai jian, mama.

Last weekend mom and I headed to Shanghai for a last day of sightseeing and hanging out together. 

at the Hangzhou train station

We rode the subway from the train station to the hostel and then headed to the Yu Gardens for some shopping, wandering, and dinnering.

mom fit right in

The Yu Gardens were beautiful.

And dinner was from a food court.

Sunday morning we went to People's Park and witnessed the "marriage market" which is really just a corner where grandparents and match-making companies seek to fit people according to their stats. I enjoyed this as a great culture lesson for my mom (and myself).

The papers look like this: "Shanghai female. 163 cm tall. 1983. 3000rmb a month salary. No house ownership. Looking for a male born between 1975-1983. Over 165cm tall. Must have a house. (phone number)."

Some have a picture. Most don't. Looks don't really matter. What matters is your salary, height, and if you own a house. In Chi.na, it is common practice that a son must own an apartment and/or a car before parents agree to allow their daughter to marry the man. This has broken up Chin.ese friends I have. And most people are shocked when I tell them that my sister is single and rents an apartment in LA and my parents are proud of her - that she is not scrambling to find a man with a house. Once, a Chi.nese female friend who is in a serious relationship with an American male friend explained to me that her mom is concerned the guy doesn't have an apartment. He is 26 years old and has lived in Ch.ina for years. My response was, "He has a US passport, what more does she want?"

Anyways, we got to watch the marriage market in motion in Shanghai on a sunny, Sunday morning.

Grandparents walk around with notebooks and write down the stats of the papers that catch their eye.

The dude on the right is signing up. Having a paper hanging with a matchmaker costs 50rmb for 3 months (about 8 bucks). A great deal!

After about an hour of wandering around, mom wondered how interested parties contact the people who don't sign up with a matchmaker and instead tape their add to an umbrella and leave it there for the day. "I don't know," I said, "But we can ask." I gazed around for a few minutes sizing up the crowd. I was nervous to approach an elderly person because old people are usually less patient with a foreigner's crappy Chin.ese and many only converse in dialects.

Finally, I caught the eye of a man who looked interested in me and my mom and I went for it, "Excuse me, may I ask you, if someone wants to contact someone on the paper, how to they do it?" His eyes lit up! His fingers formed a telephone and he held them to his ear, he exclaimed in Chine.se, "You call them!" then said in English, "I love you!"

"You just call and say, hi, let's meet?" I asked. "Yes!" he cried out. At this point, a small crowd of grandma's and grandpa's had formed around us. The man amazingly understood me and the crowd had a feeling of intrigue but not invasion, so I stayed in the circle and enjoyed the chat with the man. He went into a speech about how after Mao Zi Dong and the opening of Chi.na, marriage has become "complicated". He said, "If you have money, and I don't have money, we can't marry. And if you don't have a hosue for your som, he can't marry." Reaffirming things I have witnessed elsewhere amongst my friends and students.

He kept mentioning Mao, which made me uncomfortable for good reason. Poor mom did not understand and would smile and nod at the man, I told her not to act like she agreed with anything. This is a skill I have learned over time - take in what a person is telling you as to allow them to feel comfortable and justified, but don't make them think you agree with what they are saying - because 99% of the time, I don't.

But what the dude said was a step further than what I have ever been told about Chine.se marriage. He said that things were more, "simple," in the days of Mao's rule when C.hina actually looked like a Comm. country. Now, people are more complex, more complicated, there are standards that don't exist in a socialist world. And marriage is a set of rules that you match with for good life standing, not a contract between people who happen to love each other.

He then asked me why I don't find a Chi.nese boyfriend. I replied in my standard answer, "I'm too tall," and the crowd groaned their disagreement. "No, we like you!" he said. "I want to return to America," I said, and the crowd's groan changed an octave and they all agreed with me then that perhaps a native bf is not for me. :)

The crowd got bigger and I decided to get the party moving in order not to become a circus act. I wished the elderly love searchers a hearty, "Good luck," and it was returned with a dozen tea-stained grins. The man continued on with us for a short time before disappearing into the crowd where he is looking for marriage for his son.

So, on mom's last morning in Chi.na she recieved a real-life culture lesson. You can't learn this junk from books, I tell you that much.

signing up for a chance at a chick

mom loves shanghai!

We walked a mile to the Bund area and took some pics before returning to the hostel for lunch and some rest before mom's evening flight. 

th Bund! 

on the subway to the airport...   :(

I was so, so sad to see mom go. But mostly happy that the trip happened! I had already decided to stay here for the summer when she decided to visit so it was an extra visit we did not intend for! Great. 

And like the wind, our ten days were over. It felt weird returning home alone. I liked having my mama with me 24/7. 

Thanks for visiting, mama. :) Come again! 

walk slow. xoxo.