JG, Over the Sea.

My 1%.

2012-02-12T23:48:00.004+08:00

Going to school in Chi.na is a hilarious and patience-building experience.

Sometimes it's just unbelievable the way things work around here. I thought it was a crazy (lovable, interesting, beautiful - but crazy) place when I was a teacher - but then I became a student and a whole new world of upside-downness became apparent to me and it's been one big deep breathe after another since then.

Without giving you the whole shabang of what has gone down around these parts the past few days, I will tell you that there are a few key Chin.ese people in my life who have saved my hiney yet again from the torment of living in the dark/not knowing a thing/being illiterate. I call these Asian angels, "My 1%" ;)

I'm wisening up to the ways of the world and decided that instead of crying at my computer and trying for hours to do something that should take 10 minutes, I am going to have Chine.se friends do everything for me. And I will be buying a lot of people lunch/coffee/chocolate as thank-you's. It is so much easier in Chi.na to take someone to lunch than try to register for classes by yourself. And this way we get quality friend-time in. It's a win-win on many levels.

I have relied on the 1% to choose my courses, text me what courses I am in, and make my study plan for my PhD. My entire study plan. I still haven't seen it. ha.

I told my friend Leo (dear, precious Leo) to, "do whatever," and sign me up for classes. I gave him my student number and password and 30 minutes later he called me, "I signed you up for the maximum amount! You said you want to get your classes done!"

"Ahh, Leo, I work!" I said.

"No matter, you are strong," was the reply. Haha, Oh, Leo, you think too highly of me.

Turns out, it is 5 classes for the semester total. 3 at a time thanks to the quarter system - not too bad.

I figured I had at least a week until classes started so I was just chilling until I saw a friend at a restaurant last night. "Classes start Monday," she said.

WHAT. As in ---tomorrow?!

I had no idea. No one told us when classes start.

So tonight I texted another member of my 1% (gotta spread the love), gave her my passwords, and asked her to text me my schedule if I have classes tomorrow. Sure enough, I have two classes tomorrow. haha. Good thing I have some extra notebooks lying around!

This place. It kills every part of the type-a planner/control-freak/need for clear communication in me. God had a grand sense of humor when he placed this country on my heart as a child and then planned a long stay here for my life.

Character building. That's what I call weeks like these. And a chance to really find out how much I love, appreciate, and am blessed by my 1% - the people I call in a crisis, the people who aid my life in immeasurable ways. The only reason I know what classes I am signed up for. If I had no Chi.nese friend to call and do my junk for me, I would not be signed up for school. Simple as that.

So, PTL. Yet again I have been diverted from crisis, lovingly cared for, and delivered from stressful situations.

School is Chi.na is hard. People are good.

Who is your 1%? Go love them.

MuShu says so...

walk slow. xoxo.

hunger rice and a side of fame.

2012-02-09T22:44:00.007+08:00

There are few things in this world that I treasure more than my friendship with Dr. Xu.

Today we continued our BFF chronicles with a standard for us 4 hour dinner. Of course he chose one of the nicest places in town and then refused to allow me to order for myself or see the bill when it arrived. Typical Michael - so giving.

A snippet of our normal ordering routine that involves a lot of questions and communication mishaps,

Him: (reading the english menu) "lavendar custard... what is lavendar?"

Me: "A small purple flower. The smell is often used in beauty products."

Him: "Want it?"

Me: (knowing he will insist) "Ok, but let's get one to share. I don't really want a lot of dessert."

Him: (to waitor) "Ok, we'll take two."

haha.

If I was ordering for myself however, I might have chosen the Hunger Rice, or maybe the Funny Rice...possibly the stray rice?

Ya, I don't know what that means either.

During our 4 hour chat he showed me Chin.ese apps for my new phone, told me stories of his time he recently spent in Beijing on a tv show (more on that later) and took a billion calls from people who want to donate money to the orphans. It was a productive 4 hours, in those hours he managed to get enough money for 52 babies secured from a charity in Shenzhen. I loved watching him wheel and deal on the phone while I played with my new apps...

This man is a business genius and is using his gifts for such great work. Love him. I'm proud to know him and call him a dear friend.

During our meal he made this collage of our meal and sent it to my new phone...someone's excited about technology! haha. He's happy to be able to text me pictures now. It's the little things in life, I guess.

The bottom right picture is of his computer he brought to show me episodes of a tv show he was on in Beijing for seven weeks! It was a group singing/dancing competition that pitted cities against each other, each championing a cause. Hangzhou was represented by the hospital I work at and the cause was the orphans. (hallelujah!) Michael was the spokesperson and he got a lot of air time talking about the heart disease babies and orphans and asking people to help.

Anything that brings attention to Chin.ese people of the plight of orphans in this land is fabulous. Awareness/education is the first step to healing so many of society's ailments. And Michael has the charisma and passion to be the spokesperson on national tv!

He rocked it and was such a super star! I kept telling him, "my best friend is famous!" haha.

He is the back row center:

It's wonderful to see people you love do awesome things for causes greater than ourself.

Another great night with my old friend. Pass the funny rice, I'm not going anywhere soon.

walk slow. xoxo.

reality check.

2012-02-08T12:52:00.004+08:00

I met Amanda two and a half years ago in the hospital where I teach.

She had come from her foster home in Xi'An to have a few orphan surgeries done at the hospital and it took her no time to put me to work. I was not a "visitor" to her, I was another able body. I soon found myself making homemade mashed potatoes for the babies, sending out emails asking the congregation for stroller rentals, and even accompanied her on a train to Shanghai to get a baby who would stay at my house overnight.

Amanda, she's a driver. Words I use to describe her to friends include, "steam-roller, workhorse, tanker, and machine." She gets things done. She has spent 7 years of her life running a foster home for orphans in Chi.na as a foreigner - a feet that is in many ways a miracle.

And so as I recieved word yesterday that she has recently been diagnosed with advanced cancer and is needing to be sent out of Chi.na to get first-world medical care - my heart sank.

Life is fleeting and fragile - no matter how earthly "tough" you may be. None of our bodies last forever, though there are those among us, like Amanda, who make incredible, tangible differences with their one short life.

Please join me in thoughts for Amanda - for recovering, healing, health, and strength- and for the babies and nannies. And also for the Starfish Foster home board of directors and leaders.

Visit the Starfish webpage for details on Amanda's situation and the home in general and see ways you can help.

walk slow. xoxo.

snippets.

2012-02-07T21:07:00.007+08:00

Things are gettin' weird here in Hangzhou.

By weird, I mean normal.

It is Chi.na, afterall.

Today when I was biking to meet a friend for ice cream for dinner, there was a large screen outside a newly built conference center playing a Backstreet Boys music video circa 1998.

Reason #7847593728844 I love this crazy place.

Yesterday was rainy and cold which was awful, but today was clearer than normal with sunny skies thanks to the rain washing away the smog! This sunset greeted me as I biked by West Lake.

Gorg. I love this town.

In not so gorgeous news, Chin.ese people still hate foreigners. (generalization much? ha.)

Yesterday at the gym, I was sweatin' it up on the elliptical sans headphones (I need to think and not listen to music) and a 20-something year old Chin.ese girl got on an elliptical two machines over, leaving an empty machine between us. Normal, right? Until her friend showed up and she says to her, "you have to go by the foreigner!" Her friend replied, "I don't want to go by the foreigner!"

For real?

These girls didn't think that I understood. I didn't say anything to them (as much I wanted to) because I was in too good of a mood to ruin it. I just felt sad for them for being so....Chin.ese.

In positive news, I got my bike back! The day before I left for India, I somehow lost my bike key off my keyring between locking it outside walmart and coming out of walmart. I searched and searched to no avail and decided to just leave the piece of junk there and deal with it after the holiday.

I told some friends about it and they responded that they would move my bike for me while I was gone so it would be safe. Lo' and behold today I found my spare bike key to my bike that was waiting for me parked outside my dorm when I returned from India. A few guys went to walmart, found my pink, rusted transportation, and biked her to my dorm on a three-wheeled trolley they happen to own. I feel taken care of and blessed by this kindness.

In this crazy, weird world, I am not alone. You are not alone. Goes for all of us.

I'm still trying to figure out how to tell my India stories. I've been meeting with friends and they all ask, "How was India??" and I spurt off a random assortment of adjectives like, "inspiring, amazing, colorful, fabulous, dirty, awesome...." and then choke on my tongue and smile like a goober. My eyes probably gaze over as I dream of curry and naan bread.

Since I still don't have cohesive stories, here's an India video. It's from the Wagah Border of Pakistan and India. This is the nightly border closing ceremony where soldiers high-kick, salute, and bring down their flags to the cheers of their countrymen.

We are seated in the foreigner section on the India side (obvi). The two gates that are open are the India gate and the Pakistan gate (with their country's names written on them.) The people in the stands across the way are Pakistani citizens - segregated by gender since Pakistan is an Islamic state. The Indian soldiers are in tan with red head pieces and the Pakistani soldiers are in black. The whole thing lasted about 40 minutes, with different marches, back and forth chants, and the eventual bringing down of the flags at the same time. This video was taken as they are preparing to bring down the flags of the two warring nations.

It was here that I learned two of the three Hindi words I would learn over 3 weeks time...Hindustan Zindabad! Long-live India.

BSB videos, gym crazies, acts of kindness, and India memories...let the weirdness continue.

walk slow. xoxo.

Mushu Returns.

2012-02-06T01:04:00.003+08:00

I'm a horrible cat mommy.

I left my baby for 6 of the past 7 weeks! He was gone in two 3 week incriments at two different houses and had a different time at each one of them. It's been a whirlwind for him as much for me.

He was cared for well, and tonight my baby boy was swindled into our home for two once again. This time - he's not going anywhere soon.

I was nervous all day because I had to get him and all his loot (litter box, backpack of toys....) past the dorm workers who are nosy and have nothing better to do than stare at everyone who walks in the door.

But me and Moosh are stealthy and with our teamwork (his quietness and my nonchalant swagger and late night timing) we made it to my 4th floor room unseen!

This is what poor baby has to go through - in a taxi, walking down the alley, and then through the dorm to get home...he lays in a Vera Bradley bag with his nose popping out while I hold the corners so he cant stick his whole head out...

his litter box goes in a plastic bag that Chi.nese people use to move...

and now all is right again in the world, I love this cat so much...

I'm off to snuggle a 5 pound fur ball...

walk slow. xoxo.

ways and means.

2012-02-05T05:53:00.001+08:00

‎"It's very easy to settle back and say you can't afford whatever it is that's on your mind, thereby giving yourself an excuse for being thoroughly miserable. But however much you may enjoy this state, it's pretty tiresome to everybody else and never gets you anywhere. You'll come out much better in the end if you study ways and means, and throw in a little imagination."

(Bubbly on your Budget, 1937)

returned.

2012-02-03T23:16:00.006+08:00

I've made it back to my dorm cubby hole in the Red Country unscathed and in good spirits.

I had a two night stop-over in Shenzhen after flying into Hong Kong from India and that time proved to be invaluable as a debriefing for returning to "real life" here in the 'Zhou. (But apparently I do not look like my passport pic anymore to Ch.inese guards, and thus border crossing was a little hairy...not sure what to do about that one?)

Anywho, tonight I made it to my final destination - home. My bags are strewn across the floor and my clothes stink. I'm chucking the shoes I trekked across India in because who knows how much cow poop is stuck to the bottom, and those germs belong in the garbage.

I've been uploading pics and I can't wait to share them with you, even though I have no rhyme or reason to today's batch. I apologize if you see some doubles in the future as I decide how to navigate my thoughts and share as appropriate.

My mind is still swirling with the colors of India. It was a great trip. When the boys and I parted in the Hong Kong airport, we group hugged and just looked at each other. "We just went to India and back!" I said. "Holy crap, we survived," I think was the response. ha.

India was incredible. It was filthy and challenging, warm-hearted and tricky. It was exhilarating and inspiring and scary and noisy and beautiful - all at the same time.

And I have a new found appreciation for monkies and cows. Curry and sunsets. Bangles and anklets. Hand sanitizer and high fiber cookies.

Here, have a little glimpse...

sunset from our roof terrace in Udaipur...

rowing a boat along the Ganges in Varanasi...

chats with the Udaipur villa owner, our self-proclaimed, "Indian Grandpa," ...

cow milking area in Varanasi...

shadows at the Taj...

moustache time in the back of a tuk tuk, in Jaipur...

Agra city...

painted elephants at the Amber Fort in Jaipur...

more fort action in Jaipur...

Jaipur...
Udaipur...

the Golden Temple in Amritsar, a holy place for Sikh's...

Need friends fast? Like attention? Dye your hair red and go to India...

a baby in Delhi...

And there's a whole lot more where these came from...

walk slow. xoxo.

last leg.

2012-01-29T14:21:00.002+08:00

We are on the last leg of our journey.

I am officially in mourning.

Please don't make me leave. I have a plane ticket with my name on it for Tuesday - Delhi - Kuala Lumpur - Hong Kong...but I don't want to accept it. ha.

Things in Udaipur have been fabulous. It is a chill place - quiet, not much to do except eat cake, read books, and peruse shops selling sparkly, leathery, or hand chiseled things. There is a woman on the corner who has been chiseling away at marble elephants the past two days. We will visit her street-side shop after this internet cafe where internet is 75 cents an hour.

Yesterday we rode horses through a village, I got an 8 dollar pedicure from a woman named Lissy, and then we saw a native Rajistani dancing show in the evening. A fabulous mix of activity and relaxation. Today we are bumming around until our evening train to Delhi. It is supposed to be 12 hours, but all of our trains have been running hours late because of fog in Delhi. So who knows when we'll get there. But we'll eventually get there. We're in the lowest class on the train - with bars instead of windows, so it'll be an adventure.

Right now in the internet cafe there is a heated discussion happening over whether there are power cut-offs today in town. I really am in a different world.

The boys and I were discussing yesterday that we sometimes have out-of-body experiences. Like, we see what is happening around us, and know our bodies are here, but don't compute that we are here. Does that even make sense?

I've been thinking a lot about the unfairness of life. How easily I could have been born a villager in Udaipur, India. How I could be pumping water from a well and carrying sticks on my head in bundles while draped in a shiny sari. I won the genetic lottery - parents who are still together and lack addictions, Protestant, moral upbringing in upper-middle class suburbia America, easy access to higher education, living debt free, access to clean water and electricity and plenty of food every day of my life. And now I travel places with far less than what I have and take photos.

It's not fair.

But instead of living in guilt for what I do have, I need to look around and ask what can I do? These are rudimentary thoughts, but are thoughts just the same that swirl around as I pass water buffalo, goats, and pant-less, shoe-less children in the streets.

I'll have to form my thoughts better on this before writing about it, but these thoughts have been reigning supreme in my mind as of late. I feel so inspired to use what I have been given. My infinite blessings are equally unfair and a call to service to others. To whom much has been given, much will be asked. I've been day-dreamy with these things the past few days.

I'm also knee-deep in a fabulous book. If you like book recommendations - allow me to recommend The White Tiger. It's fab.

Well, internet time is about up. Thanks for reading my rambles. ha.

See you in Delhi.

walk slow. xoxo.

Indian People.

2012-01-26T10:28:00.005+08:00

I love Indian people.

Love.

Traveling this country has been hard. It's dirty, poor, and has given us challenges I have never faced while traveling before (sickness, travel hazards, security checkpoints...) and yet after all the dust has settled one thing remains - the people. And gosh, they are beautiful and interesting.

We have had 80% positive interactions (opposite of what I experience in Chi.naville). One of my favorite things is collecting characters. In Hangzhou I have many - my foot massager, hair dresser, doctors, vegetable seller, etc. And India has introduced many more fabulous souls to my memory.

Let me introduce you to some of our Indian characters:

Mona. Mona is a common Indian name that means, "kid." Mona is also the guest coordinator at the Alka Hotel in Varanasi. He is clever, constantly chews Beetle leaves making his teeth a bright red color, and knows everyone in the back alleys of Varanasi. We swear he's either mafia or the village idiot everyone appeases. He knows how to please foreign tourists, cracking open bottles of wine for rich white people (not us, ha), and offering walking tours. We hired him for a day to take us around the city. He is a devout Hindu who spent 20 minutes telling us over and over again how every morning he, "touches the penis," - a statue that must be touched in one of the temples he took us to. Apparently to Hindus, it is sacred. To us it was hilarious. We saw him for two days after our tour and each day one of the boys asked him, "Mona, did you touch the penis today?" He never responded.

Rahul. Rahul is a tuk tuk driver in Jaipur. He works outside Hotel Kalyan and uses his impeccable English and good humor to attract repeat customers. Women traveling alone trust him, so he can charge a higher price for better service and a trust-factor. We rented him for a day to drive us around after deciding that we liked him and wanted to support him. He waited for us outside a fort for 4 hours. He used to work in a company making 3 dollars a day. The 12 dollars a day he makes as a tuk tuk driver puts him in a higher class. When asked how many girlfriends he has, he responded, "2 - a woman, and my tuk tuk."

Richard. Richard is also a tuk tuk driver. He stopped us while we were walking along the road yesterday to ask us why, "Westerners ignore people." We explained that the constant heckling from touts may cause some tourists to walk by without responsding (we too are guilty of this on occasion). He then went on in great English to tell us that when visiting a place, you must know the people not the buildings. I was only half listening to his rehearsed speech though, because I was busy admiring his clean, sharp suit top and snazzy hairdo. Richard can't read or write, but learns English by stopping foreigners on the street - like us.

Shena. Shena has been an educator for over 18 years. She looks old enough to be my grandmother, but after observing how fast people age here, she is probably no older than my mother. Her skin is leathery and she is clothes in red sari material and golden jewels. Her ankles steps make a clanking sound from her adorned ankles. Mona teaches street girls at the Ladli school. (www.ladli.com). We visited to purchase jewelry the girls make to support themselves. Mona is tough, takes no prisoners, and expects the best from her girls. Mona exhibits qualities I want to have as a woman - strength and gracefulness intertwined. Peace and an internal fire. She held my hands to kiss me goodbye when we exited the compound after our short visit.

Shana. Shana owns the B Villas in Udaipur. When we walked into the doors this morning he appeared from the shadows and cried out, "Jessica!" I had made the reservation and he was waiting for us. He then grabbed each of us and pulled us into a tight bear hug. "Here is not hotel, here is home," he said after guiding us slowly up our never-ending flights of stairs to our guestroom. He wears coke-bottle glasses and a sweater vest. He is old and curious and charming. He is waiting for me to finish this blog on the computer behind the desk so he can show me his friend's blog. We're old pals who have known each other 10 hours - 2 generations and a culture apart and yet able to share tea and life stories.

I love all these people. I am interested in these people. In how they are different from me and how the luck of the draw placed us each in our corners of the world, determining so much about us.

We have arrived in Udaipur after spending 3 relaxing days in Jaipur. These are the nicest cities of our itinerary and we are very happy to have saved them for last. We are all moderately healthy, rested, and happy to relax a bit. The streets are much quieter here, shop owners less pushy, and there is a chill atmosphere, very different than Varanasi, Agra, or Amritsar.

A James Bond movie was filmed here so tonight's plan is to find a roof-top bar and watch the film. Tomorrow we are riding horses to a village. That should be funny.

We have been counting down the days left with sadness. Two nights here, a night on a train, then one night in Delhi and then we fly to Hong Kong. I am so sad to part with India. I am already scheming a way to get back here.

I need more Indian characters in my life.

walk slow. xoxo.

boy lessons.

2012-01-22T20:49:00.003+08:00

10 Things I'm learning while traveling India with two All-American dudes:

1. The 3 morning "s's" shit, shower, shave.
2. Diarrhea does not discriminate.
3. Apparently, shower caps are really funny.
4. I hold manners in high esteem. Really, really high esteem.
5. Penis jokes are still funny when someone is 29 years old.
6. No matter how loud or great my fart/burp is, I will be outdone. And probably soon.
7. Everyone deserves a chance to be weak/scared/anxious sometimes.
8. Chips and soda is a yummy and perfectly decent train breakfast.
9. Two pairs of boxers is an acceptable amount of underwear to bring on a 3 week trip - until you poop in them.
10. I'm a tough broad.

Did I mention, manners? :)

walk slow. xoxo.

The Taj.

2012-01-21T22:15:00.002+08:00

It is a motley conglomeration of people who make their way from corners around the world to view one of the 8 wonders of the world - the Taj Mahal. Foreigners in scarves and silver jewelry, Indians barefoot with sari's skimming the marble floor.

All looking up at a monument of love.

Today I was one of them.

The Taj Mahal was as grand, peaceful, and fabulous as I dreamed it would be. We spent 5 hours today on the grounds, just wandering, taking pictures, and taking it all in. We didn't want to leave her presence. I gazed one last time and said goodbye to her as we exited the gates. I could have stared forever and never lost my sense of wonder.

That a man loved a woman enough to construct such a beautiful monument is an incredible thought. Inlaid stone, slick marble, and two bodies inside. Lovers. Forever enclosed by a testament to extravagant, worldly love.

I can't wait to show you pictures.

I've been to the Taj Mahal. I wasn't sure I'd get here in my travels. It was too far, too expensive, too unknown of a destination. But I dreamed it.

I've been to the prairies of Inner Mongolia, the beaches of colorful Thailand, seen the lights of Korea, and felt the comfort of Europe - but nothing compares to the Taj. I've accomplished a personal travel dream and I'm so proud, thankful, and overwhelmed with blessing. Just feeling very thankful to be here, amongst the motley crew of travelers who walked through those gates today.

12 days to go.

walk slow. xoxo.

outrageously awesome and fabulously scary.

2012-01-19T16:53:00.004+08:00

Namaste!

India continues to amaze and challenge us. The last fews days have been nuts. I and one of the dudes got incredibly sick which resulted in a doctor visit for the dude (not me) and a re-arranging of our entire travel itinerary. We are no longer visiting the Mother Teresa House in Calcutta (I'm so sad), but it is for the best because it saves us 36 hours of trains and hopefully will keep our systems in check with less movement. Everyone is better now, and we are still obsessed with being here.

We are leaving Varanasi tonight for Agra (TAJ MAHAL!). I'm so excited. We have an overnight train, then another train.

My feelings on Varanasi are very complicated. It is a crazy place and slated to be the craziest one of our itinerary. Lonely Planet says this city, "isn't for the faint of heart," and I will agree. But it is fascinating.

Last night Zach and I took a river boat to a hindu ceremony and saw more burnings. Surreal. We watched people light lotus candles and pray over them and place them in the river. All for good kharma for a better next life.

Last night and this morning we have been stringing together poems and raps to desribe what is happening in the moment. I feel so often like I have been plucked out of my life and placed into this crazy environment, that I am in the bustle of the city, but not of it. I feel sometimes like I am watching life happen around me. We are often too afraid to even cross the street in the mess of cows, tuk tuks, and people. It is outrageously awesome and fabulously scary.

Here is an example of our soon-to-be award winning poetry:

There's a lizard in the shower.
There's a monkey on the patio.

There's a cow in the alley.
There's a fart in the air.

There's an Adam at the doctor.
There's a poop in his pants.

There's chanting in the cabin.
There's tea in the pot.

There's kites on the wires.
There's candles in the river.

hahahaha.

And our grammy winning raps go something like this:

But some shoes on those feet,
You're getting AIDS, You're getting AIDS!

Someone feed that dog,
Steppin' in poo ain't lucky, Steppin' in poo ain't lucky!

Refrain: That goat's about to die, that goat's about to die...

We might be going nuts. But I'll never regret it.
Next stop: Agra!

Namaste.

Walk slow. xoxo.

The Ganges River.

2012-01-15T23:05:00.002+08:00

There are bodies burning on the Ganges River.

It is so surreal.

This is the place Hindus must come to cremate their dead, so that they may have their sins washed and enter into the next life well (or something like that). It is also an auspicious place to die. If you die here in Varanasi, you get to skip the death/life process. Intense, huh?

We arrived this evening via train and were at once overwhelmed by the craziness of the city. It is the most intense place we will go, according to our handy guidebooks. And the books proved right from the start. After much haggling and frustration and yelling at people in chin.ese just to make them go away, (I'm so good at that), we ended up in a rickshaw. That came inches away from smashing into a cow. And then a motorcycle. And then a family. I closed my eyes.

We were dropped off on a street and proceeded to ask many police where our hotel was. A dude latched onto us and led us through the crowded alleys to our hotel.

We have an incredible view of the Ganges. We put our stuff down, took a deep breath, and went to the terrace for an incredible dinner of curry, naan, and sweet rice.

After an intense first hour, it is really good to be here. It is going to be wonderful. Adrenaline is addicting.

I was thinking today that we are not visiting India, but rather feeling India. I can feel myself being sucked into the magic of this place. It is at once surreal, enlightening, challenging, and beautiful. I care for India. I want to know more, see more, experience more.

And tomorrow, we will.

On the Ganges river.

Next to the burning dead.

And I keep singing to myself..."what caaan wash awaaay my sins?...." you know the rest.

walk slow. xoxo.

Day 4.

2012-01-14T17:13:00.002+08:00

I don't really have words.

But there's 7 minutes left on my internet time, so I came here out of routine.

After 4 days in India, I can safely say I am mesmorized.

Last night we went to the Pakistan/India border closing ceremony. I cried. It was so spirited and beautiful and energetic.

Today we had munch with pilgrims at the Sikh Golden Temple. We ate on the floor with our hands.

Tonight we leave on a 40 hour train.

India, you are changing me.

walk slow. xoxo.

India.

2012-01-12T10:58:00.003+08:00

20 hours travel.

AK 47's at the airport.

Pre-paid taxi.

Spinach curry.

lime and soda water.

dirt road.

Lost finding hostel.

Oh, because hostel is in the ghetto.

Cows. Lots of cows. Skinny cows.

Piles of burning trash.

beautiful women in sari's.

motorcycles.

steamed eggs on the side of the road for 10 cents.

Purple, red, and deep blue.

Bollywood music making my shoulders bounce.

deep brown, curious eyes of children.

I'm in India. And I'm so fascinated.

Greetings from Delhi. Our train ride across the north begins tomorrow. Today we woke up after 10 hours of sleep (!) and are now waiting our breakfast in the hostel. We are heading to the Red Fort and the site where Gandhi was shot, using the metro to get everywhere. Wish us luck!

walk slow. xoxo.

Here we go...

2012-01-10T19:21:00.002+08:00

“Bizarre travel plans are dancing lessons from God.” – Kurt Vonnegut

I'm off to India.

5 hours to Kuala Lumpur, 5 hour layover, 6 hours to New Delhi.

I'm shaking with excitement. See you there.

walk slow. xoxo.

48 hours out.

2012-01-08T11:58:00.004+08:00

Prep for India has hit full force.

I've started my pre-departure rituals, put away my American crap (mostly), and laid out possible outfits on my tiny couch.

Preparing for "travel" is a little different than preparing for a trip home to America. I still take fiber and drink water like a maniac, but there are a few differences when you are going to "rough it" for several weeks. I take off my nail polish, start wearing less make up to help my skin adapt to the air and to help me adapt to showing the world my au natural self, and wean myself off caffeine. Yesterday I had none, this morning it was a cup of instant coffee. I'm sure we will have access to tons of caffeinated delights in India, but I don't want to need anything. When you are not in a familiar environment, it is better to be free from all routines and addictions.

All I have left in the body prep department is a good deep condition of my hair since I don't know how often it is getting washed in the next few weeks and a final shave. (I judge anyone who takes time to shave their legs while trekking India, ha).

I'm also taking a lot of "quiet time" for myself. I want to finish a book I'm reading on my kindle before I leave and I am trying to bank as much rest and solitude as I can since I just came off a trip from America and will not be alone for the next 3 weeks. I want to go into this trip with a decent patience storage and a stable, calm mind, so I am re-charging during this week. It's going well.

Last night we had dinner with an Indian dude who is from outside of Calcutta but lives in Delhi now. He's studying Chin.ese and will work as a Ch.inese expert at the embassy in Delhi when he leaves here. Cool, huh?

We took him to a noodle dinner and bombarded him with ignorant questions like, "how should we transfer money - from RMB or USD?" "should Jessica cover her hair?" "will we get attacked for being American at the Pakistan/India border closing ceremony?" "What food should we definitely eat?" "Where do you barter?" and my personal favorite, "How do I find an Indian sugar daddy?"

He was really helpful, giving us names of people all along our route and telling us some little nuiances like - buy a chain to chain up your luggage on the train, offer a taxi driver 50 rupees over the meter and he won't over charge you too much, and, "no smooching in public." Um, no worries, dude. Ha.

Unless I find that sugar daddy.

Just kidding.

It's so great to take to a native before heading off to a new place. I feel like so much of the travel advice on the internet is over-blown.

Im off to get my hair done and then a massage. Two very important parts of travel prep! ha.

This little guy keeps distracting me from my list of things to do!

I have 2 days to make all this crap fit into a backpack:

I can't believe I'm leaving for the airport in 48 hours. I've been on a lot of trips, but this one might take the cake for pre-trip excitement.

walk slow. xoxo.

Mu Shu.

2012-01-06T22:24:00.003+08:00

Today was great.

Except for when the old ladies at the gym called me fat while I was standing two feet away dressing myself and then decided collectively that I was from Russia, because all Russian women are big. But, that story is not important enough to tell. Let's talk about my great day.

Totally unproductive for what I need to be doing (India???) but great none-the-less.

Coffee with a friend, gym time, salad lunch with friends, a few hours of working my big girl job (emails, inputting grades, responding to student journals), dinner with another friend, and a foot massage.

And a lot of time spent in awe of my cat.

I think I have the coolest cat ever. Mu Shu is just so darn awesome. He's lovable but not clingy, playful but not annoying, clean, friendly, and sweet. He's just the right amount of curious and cute. I really lucked out with this little $30 pet market wonder!

He even sits patiently for my daily photo shoots:

Look at that squeezable furry face!

Yaaaaaawn!

Mid-purrrrr:

Buying a cat on a random Sunday afternoon was one of the best choices I ever made. I'm sad my travels take me away from my baby furball (he's off to another friend's house while I'm in India. I have great friends). But I am thankful for every day I get with his little fluffy face.

walk slow. xoxo.

international mess and a non-resolution.

2012-01-06T07:37:00.003+08:00

A dear, dear friend of mine once referred to me as an, "international mess," and it kind of stuck.

She was referring to my penchant for just throwing things in a suitcase at the last minute before a big trip and carrying several small bags instead of a large suitcase. I am not a good packer. I always regret my clothing and shoe choices. It's just inevitable.

Unfortunately for this international mess, there is a quick turn around for unpacking my overflowing American suitcase and re-packing my backpacking backpack.

Yesterday was spent with Team India sitting in Z's apartment looking at Google image pictures of the Pakistan/India border closing ceremony and deciding who is bringing what. (chargers, body wash, etc. get divied up so not everyone brings a million things that we all use).

We then bike rode in the freezing cold to a sports store to pick up some last minute items. I got a sleeping bag, a fleece, and a flashlight. Our planning times together are a good prelude to the three weeks of constant togetherness we have coming up. For example, me in the fleece section, "Should I get a purple or blue fleece?" Them: "Jessica, we don't care!"

hahaha.

Anyways, besides the packing debacle I find myelf in, I am enjoying being with baby Mu Shu kitty for a few short days. I missed his furry face...

and the Chine.se New Year decorations are out in full swing! This guy greeted me at the grocery store yesterday...Happy Year of the Dragon!

Schools are just about to let out for their month holiday and most of my friends are about to leave on their own journey's soon. (to go home for Christmas I just peaced out of my life, there is no Christmas break here, break starts now).

Grocery stores are stocking New Year lucky candy and lucky red underwear!

I know I'm a little behind on the whole, "New Year's" thing, but I am still thinking of my golas for 2012. I do not really believe in resolutions, or bucket lists for that matter. I think people should just do what they want whether it is on a list or not.

But I do like the idea of goals.

After some time farting around on Pinterest I found this and tucked it away into my heart...

I'm off to meet a friend for coffee and then yoga. Anything to get away from unpacking and re-packing. :)

walk slow. xoxo.

let the randomness begin.

2012-01-05T00:15:00.003+08:00

One of my "causes" that I like to harp on when I am home in the good ol' USA is to try to convince people that my life in Chi.na is normal.

I get up in the morning and have instant coffee.

I ride a bus to work.

I watch tv on my laptop in the evenings after doing some work online.

I read books while laying in bed on Saturday mornings.

I have a cat and go to the gym 5x a week.

I eat Subway 3x a week (at least).

See, normal...right?

But then things like tonight happen.

And I find myself (not even 24 hours after landing in the country) falling asleep in a red sports car with furry seats. The car got into a fender bender and I was hanging out inside to keep warm while a swarm of Asians worked their fancy cell phones and looked at the slight damage.

This is after I had a late-night sushi dinner with two random, loaded, young Chin.ese men - one of whom I met in a bar a few months ago and never heard from again until tonight. He texted me to hang out and I thought, "Why not? My Ch.inese needs some brushing up!" And twenty minutes later was being chauffered along in a sports car. Two of them, one of me, Kei$ha playing on the speakers.

In a car with furry seats. That got in a fender bender.

In Ch.ina.

I then had to give them directions to drive me home (all we speak is Chi.nese) and I realized to myself, "whoohooo I've still got it!" ("It" being Chine.se.)

I'm not doing very good on aiding my, "my life is normal," case, am I?

I'm back in Ch.inatown. Let the randomness begin.

walk slow. xoxo.

Sitting in the airport.

2012-01-03T00:12:00.003+08:00

I love airports.

I love the emotion and energy in airports. The expectation in the air is wonderful.

My view from my seat at gate 3 waiting on a flight to LA is normal - lots of Asians, a rich businessman on the phone talking about his business in Prague, and 90% of people staring at some electronic device. Left over Christmas decorations dangle above the unmanned check in counter and the beep beep of a people-mover can be heard ever 5 minutes when flights arrive.

I'm back in the airport alone. A place I know, a feeling if adrenaline I'm used to.

This morning was weird. After my shower I had to sit in the carpeted hallway in my towel and take some deep breaths. My heart started racing and I thought I was going to barf. At first I thought I was too hot with inadequate ventilation in the bathroom, but then I realized - anxiety. Rearing it's ugly, rarely experienced, head. Bah.

I'm fine now, sitting in the airport ambivalent about my 24 hour journey. My bags are haphazardly packed, face void of makeup, and a million loose ends left untied. But that's just the way it goes.

We're boarding soon. I guess I should end my one sided chat with the Internet. Ha.

Walk slow. Xoxo.

Welcome, 2012.

2012-01-02T13:35:00.002+08:00

Home.

I love home.

Tomorrow I leave home. Again. To go home.

Circling the globe to go home has become commonplace. It's my 15th journey across the ocean.

I am so thankful to have been home for the holidays.

Family:

Pets:

travelling with my family to the Insight Bowl in Arizona, (my sister's a graphic designer for the Fiesta Bowl!)

seeing the Disney Christmas decorations:

hiking in Arizona:

and chicken and waffles:

I couldn't have asked for a better end to 2011.

Spending it at home. The place I'll always return to, and with the people who mean the most to me. And tomorrow I'm off to Chinaville for a week. Flying Scottsdale - LA - Shanghai.

As far as New Year's Resolutions, this is all I got:

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~John Burroughs

Happy New Year to you and yours.

walk slow. xoxo.

I'll Be Home For Christmas.

2011-12-15T14:53:00.004+08:00

The past 3 years I have skipped the song, "I'll be home for Christmas" on my Christmas playlists because it made me cry.

The past week or so I have been playing it on repeat!

I'm chilling at Burger King in the departures terminal of the Shanghai Int. Airport waiting for my flight to board. This is old hat by now. I always leave out of the same gate because I always fly United.

I love airports. Sometimes I dream of quitting all my professor/writer/Chi.nese speaker ambitions and being an airport check-in person. I just love the energy in airports. The anticipation is intoxicating. Everyone is going somewhere. There's stories, emotion, agendas.

So I'm sitting here in my usual perch at Burger King participating in operation: poop and hydrate. It is a ritual before I fly across the world. Water and fiber capsules are my friends. And my skin's friends.

This is my 12th flight between the US and Ch.ina. That's a lot of air time. Therefore, this trip is extremely easy by now.

My time-line is streamlined. I started packing at 2am this morning. Was in bed by 2:30am. Woke up at 8:30, left my dorm at 9:30 (after a scuffle with the dorm workers over adding my monthly electricity). Got a bus to Shanghai at 10:30. Arrived at the airport at 2pm. It's 3:20pm and I board in an hour.

I'm so ready to get the heck out of dodge. America is like a bright shining light in the smoggy and spit-infested world I inhabit.

Packing is super simple also.

I open a bag and think "what do I want to wear?" For this 17 day trip, I chose 3 outfits and one Christmas dress. One bag of dirty laundry to do at home (gym clothes) and then one pair each of boots, tennis shoes, and flats. I bring home no toiletries except my makeup. That's the beautiful thing about America...24 hour Walmart with everything your heart could desire. There's no reason to overpack on this leg of the journey, the world awaits me on the other side. (coming back to Ch.ina is another story).

I pack gifts, chargers, and books that won't be read on the plane, and then wa-lah! Done.

The carry on is trickier. Things I must have every flight are: books, chapstick, eye drops, eye mask, spare underwear (you never know what could happen), contact case, passport, school ID, American credit cards, US and Chin.ese money, small bag of makeup, hand sanitizer, camera, hair ties, mints/gum, socks, neck pillow, wet wipes, Pepto Bismol.

I pack up and do a checkover that includes this checklist: passport? wallet? camera?

If I have all three of those things, I'm good. Anything else is bonus.

And that my friends, is how to pack for an international flight in 30 minutes.

If you'll excuse me, I must concentrate on Operation Hydration! In Ch.ina, you are not allowed to bring any liquids on international flights, which means that I have 2 water bottles to finish in the next 20 minutes.

Cheers. See you on the other side.

America, I'm ready for your Christmas glory.

walk slow. xoxo

the pearl lady.

2011-12-13T22:41:00.004+08:00

The days before a trip to America are always nuts.

This time is no different...laundry that needs days to hang dry, international flight luggage restrictions, emptying the fridge, preparing kitty for his stay at "camp," buying a bus ticket to Shanghai, buying gifts for family, telling friends that I won't be able to recieve calls for the next few weeks (when I'm gone my Chin.ese phone doesn't track messages/calls), putting money on my phone so I have credit when I return, bringing enough Chin.ese money to exchange during a layover, plannign what to wear on the flight, charging my electricity for my room, taking off work, finishing final grades for my real job...etc.

I've been procrastinating by going to the gym for long periods of time. This is good and not good. My body feels great, but my mind is going haywire.

Tonight I decided to head to the night market because I thought my gift for my mom was lacking. I have no debit card now (thanks to the Shanghai trip from hell) but I have some money and would hate to travel around the world to my family from an exotic locale with nothing cool. The thing is, after 3.5 years here, I feel like I have bought everything "gifty" already. Ties? check. Jade? check. Tea? check.

So a trip to the market was in order.

I found my friend the pearl vendor and got to work ordering some goods. We chit-chatted and she asked me why I haven't been in awhile, "I have no money," I laughed.

Then she paused and looked me in the face. "You are thinner," she said matter of factly. I shook my bum in my happy dance and said, "yes." "How? You cut fat?" "Yes, I cut fat." (the Chin.ese language is so straight forward). And that was that. I knew I liked her.

I was in such a happy stupor from her noticing my efforts that I just rambled away in Chinese until she cut me off, "your friend?" Then I heard a foreign male voice from within a foot of me, "no."

I didn't notice the white dude show up at the table. "Yo," I said. "Are these pearls real?" he asked. I assured her that my pearl lady is the bomb and I've been going t her for years and yes the pearls are all real from her hometown of Zhuji, but she hides the great quality ones in the back.

The pearl lady was just smiling at us while we jibber jabbered. Then the tough part began.

He asked me, "how much do these earrings usually go for?"

Well, crap. Another case of 'whose side am I on?'

I told him to ask her himself because I had not been to her shop in a long time and maybe prices changed. He asked her. She answered, "10." "If I buy more than one?" he asked. "Always 10."

After some deliberation and me biting my tongue, he wandered off into the sea of vendors and young patrons wearing glittery ensembles to impress each other.

After he left I looked at her, "is the price for me still 5?" "Of course, we are good friends," she said as she asked me how many pairs I wanted and packed them away for me. 4 pairs for 20rmb (3 dollars). I paid half of what she offered him.

I've got people in all the right places.

Here's some pics from the past few days:

Riding bikes in the rain is one of my least favorite things in life. Just ask my poor, patient friends who have to deal with me when I show up to dinner looking like this...

I can't wait to ride in a (warm) car in America!

Taking pictures of my kitty is one of my fave things in life...(obvi I am now an old fart)...

Imagine if there was something like this in America, "My White Friends" written on a notebook...hahahahaha, Chi.na...

Baby kitty...

I'm preparing to leave this baby doll and I am so sad!

on the bus tonight to the night market to get some goods for mama...

40 hours til lift off, so much to do...

walk slow. xoxo.

the popping corn.

2011-12-11T12:33:00.003+08:00

I've been on a popcorn kick lately.

I spend way too much money on imported microwaved popcorn (like $2 a bag) and eat it at all times of the day. 8am breakfast? Yum. A popcorn lunch with a side of fruit? Doesn't get any better. Popcorn for dinner? Yay, healthier than oil covered dumplings!

A few days ago I ventured again into the freezing hallway (buildings are not heated and it's a high of 30 degrees Fahrenheit today....) to the communal microwave. I left my bag in the ancient machine and headed back to my room (and warmth) to wait out the first few minutes of popping.

Soon, my Sri Lanken neighbors commandeered the kitchen for their afternoon meal of rice, fish, and whatever else make my hallway smell like Seaworld on a daily basis. I heard their doors open and pots clank down onto the metal table.

Then I heard yelling.

Yelling in another language is always disconcerting.

Someone could either be exclaiming, "Yay I won the lottery!" or "Everyone here is about to die!" and you wouldn't know the difference. So I poked my head out of my door to see what the commotion was about.

They were yelling at the microwave.

My neighbor saw me and motioned to me in giant arm circles and Chi.nese, "Come quick! The machine!"

I lept out thinking the machine was on fire or something worse since I have a stereotype (however earned) that things in this country are not wired for...safety.

I lunged toward the machine, pushed open the door, and yanked out my bag of popcorn in a swift motion. And was left standing with a bag of half-popped corn. Smelling of butter and salt and fibery goodness.

"Ahhhhhhhh," the Sri Lankens sighed in collective discovery, "the popping corn."

I doubled over in laughter as they went back to their cooking, slightly red with embarrassment.

How precious is that? To be surprised by the popping sound of microwaved popcorn.

I was telling some friends the story and I made the statement that, "I don't think I'm very shockable." Like, nothing really shocks me anymore. I'm sure that is a comment ridden with pride and that I haven't really seen as much of the world as I think I have, but I don't know that there are many daily actions that would surprise me.

Yet when living in community with this many cultures under one roof, there are bound to be discoveries. And what I take for granted from my developed country, others may find surprising.

I was touched by the innocence of my neighbors. By the discovery of an unfamiliar sound; the violent poppoppop of "the popping corn."

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some popcorn to go make. :)

walk slow. xoxo.

see you in heaven.

2011-12-09T20:43:00.006+08:00

It's hard to find good chapstick in Chi.na.

There is one kind of Nivea chapstick that is sold in some drugstores, but for the most part, lips go chapped in this country.

So when an old man crossing guard asked me for my cherry Chapstick last Tuesday, I forgot all the teachings of generosity and told him that it was my only one.

It was a selfishness check.

And I failed, then passed. I'm guessing that G0d still honors delayed generosity? ;)

You see, I was hauling butt across West Nanjing Road in Shanghai trying to make it to my 8:15am appointment at the US Citizens Services to get more passport pages. I was a little high on the stress meter due to being in unfamiliar territory and under a time deadline.

I noticed that the crosswalk would change to red before I reached it, so I slowed my pace, took some deep breaths, and made a concsious effort to be...happy.

Early morning Shanghai is a jam of pedestrians, luxury vehicles, and motorbikes, so crossing guards are stationed at most intersections to keep people from venturing out into the road before the green light - and thus preventing pedestrian deaths due to stupidity.

This particular crossing guard, in his neon green get-up, was singing Christmas songs in Chin.ese with his back to me. "Merry Christmas to you, Merry Christmas to you...." he sang. As I approached the corner, he turned and saw me then said to me, "Christmas is coming quickly, Merry Christmas! It is G0d's come to earth!"

"Yes, Merry Christmas." I replied, my curiosity piqued, "are you a Xtian?"

"Yes. Every day G0d blesses me," he said, continueing singing his Christmas songs.

"So we will see each other in Heaven, then," I said.

At this point, a few people had joined us at the corner. One man in particular, a business man in his 40's, looked at the crossing guard like he was crazy. The guard noticed him and walked up to him, "G0d blesses me every day, you should know your blessings, too! It's true!"

As he was talking ot the other guy, I pulled out my chapstick. It was a blustery cold day in Shanghai and my lips needed some lovin. The guard turned back to me, "Is that foreign or from China?" "It's from America, this is much cheaper and better in America," I replied while lathering up my lips with $0.99 cherry goodness.

"Give it to me," he said so bluntly that I almost couldn't understand what he was saying even though it was so simple.

"No. This is my only one," I said, and tucked it back into my backpack. I was taken aback by his blunt request and started to question him. A person who a minute before was a jolly fellow beliver rockin' out the street corner with Christmas tunes was now a demanding old man who was taking advantage of our common-ness.

How dare he? Was the prevailing thought.

The old man had gone back to singing his Christmas tunes, undeterred by my shooting down his request. About 20 seconds later the light changed to green and the man waved his crossing guard neon flag to tell us pedestrians we could continue on our journeys.

Struck with a feeling of 'wow, you are so selfish' I reached into my backpack pocket and handed the man my chapstick before crossing the street in the rush of Asians.

"Thank you," he called out. I just nodded my head in reply.

I could hear him singing as I made my way through the crowd.

I have several thoughts about this interaction. Why would he just outright ask me for my posession? Why did I hesitate to give it to him instead of giving freely? Was he afriad about speaking so openly about taboo things on the corner? Does he do that everyday? And what did he say to his family when he went home that day after his shift and showcased his brand new foreign object - probably the only foreign thing he's ever owned?

One thing's for sure, there is going to be a very supple lipped Chin.ese crossing guard when we get to Heaven.

I'll know him by his cherry scent.

Hallelujah.

walk slow. xoxo.

the hurdles come in droves.

2011-12-08T23:28:00.005+08:00

The hurdles really do come in droves.

There was a month of pushpushpush and gogogo and fightfightfight getting my major changed and then a few weeks of downtime - lots of rest, exercise, reading, and feeling on top of my job.

I have found myself back in the pushpushpush mode thanks to my work semester soon ending, a Christmas trip to the States next week, some more school crap, and securing my Indian visa. Everything comes at once it seems. Hurdles. Droves.

I'll pick up my story after the marathon on Sunday. I've waited some time to blog because I needed some processing. And a lot of sleep. And to center myself again on my belief that things do fall apart, and that things do work out. But mostly they work out.

My friends left after the marathon lunch and I hopped on the metro to meet up with my favorite Brit. She is leaving Chi.na for good next week (super sad) and wanted some clothes made at the fabric market before she leaves, so off we went to the land of tailors hawking rolls of silks and cashmeres in every color imaginable.

After a few hours everything started to look the same and our feet were pulsing in pain from all the walking, so we headed to a Muslim restaurant for a feast. Cabbage, lamb, chikpea/veggie bake, and Xinjiang beers was a great end to a loooong day.

The next morning I awoke on Steph's couch and packed up my things. My plan was to go to the Indian visa office to get our visas processed, meet Steph for lunch, then head out on a 5pm train back to HZ in time for an evening workout and to see my kitty.

As you probably can tell, this did not work out.

What would happen was a string of unfortunate events that at times made me want to lie down in the Shanghai street and give up. I had a moment of jealousy for everyone I know who is married, lives in a cute house in comfortable America and doesn't have to "deal with the things I do alone out here." In short - I became irrational, emotional, and absorbed by self-pity. Ha. Not pretty.

But then I dug deep and found the pieces in me that tell me to continue on when faced with trials. I asked God for grace. And was granted it repeatedly. (even though I was still using the F-word far too often in two languages). God forgives. ;)

So what happened? Let me tell you. And then you can judge me for making mountains out of molehills...

As Steph and I were heading to the metro, we stopped at a "cash-point" for me to use my American debit card and take out the exhorbitant amount of money it costs for an American to go to India on a tourist visa. I took out my dough and asked for my card back.

It wouldn't come out of the machine.

I called the bank. Our conversation started out friendly enough, but after 40 minutes and a run-around of being told it would take me 4 days to get my card back I told them I don't live in Shanghai, I was leaving that day, to cut it up when they got it out of the machine and to ....&%$%**. You get my drift. Not pretty.

So now I have no access to my paycheck in America until I get home. Awesome.

I tried to tell myself it is no big deal and I can live off 30 bucks til I get home, and hopped on the subway to the Indian visa office. (India outsources their visas due to internal corruption, so I went to an office, not a consolate - weird).

I took a number and waited 1.5 hours to be seen. I sat in the chair, spoke to the Chinese man, and told him I wanted 3 Indian tourist visas. We started with mine. He took my passport and after a few seconds said with a shocked tone of voice, "There's not enough pages here!" "Yes. There are." I assured him. I had checked that I had enough pages. I had 3. You only need 2.

Turns out the last two pages in your passport are for endorsements. You didn't know that either? Now I feel better.

So I processed the boys' visas, then called Z in a tizzy. He looked up directions to the American Citizen Services Center while I hemmed and hawed about, "why is everything so hard?" and "And I don't even give a crap about anything anymore, I give up," He patiently listened to my patheticness and then responded with a, "Go, Jessica, Go!"

That was all I needed to get the energy boot required for a 3 line change-over and 20 minute walk to the US office. However alone the way, I was telling God that all I want for Christmas is a permanent house in America, a yard, a picket fence, and to never leave that neighborhood except for yearly domestic family vacations.

An hour later, I rolled into the office at 11:25. (Funny enough, the American Citizen Services office is located in a mall. Fitting for an economy that is suffereing because its people rely on debt and credit).

I rushed up to the window. "Hi, I need pages in my passport." "Do you have an appointment?" the Chin.ese man with an American flag appliqued shirt on asked me. "No. But I am an American and I need these today, please." I begged. He laughed and waved me away.

And that was that. With no hope of getting in that day, I could not make it back before the 3pm closing of the Indian office. I called Steph at work, asked her if I could stay with her another day, then had Z make my appointment online for the next morning. I called a friend in the dorm who was checking on Mu Shu to see if she would mind checking on him another day. Thank goodness for good people.

I then spent a day walking around Shanghai trying to burn as many calories as possible and people watching. I became very nervous because my visa was going to be delayed a day, it takes 6 working days, and I was leaving the US in 9 days. That is cutting it close so losing a day was not ideal. But C'est la vie.

A day wandering Shanghai:

That night Steph and I went to the Yu Gardens and I was really thankful to have more time with her!

So the next morning I woke up bloody early and made it to the American consolate for my 8:15am appointment. I went through security, sat in the American room while hoards of Chin.ese people sat outside in the "hoping to go to America" area.

And found out AFTER I paid 100$ for pages that the PRINTER WAS BROKEN.

Talk about stress.

But a nasty old white man beat me to the negative emotions and caused a scene, "We have to be at the airport today! We need these pages! I'm white and obnoxious! blah blah." I was so embarrassed by his behavior that I vowed to be as pleasant as possible in order to counter-act his asshole-ness. I resigned myself to waiting in that room for as long as it took to get my passport India-visa-ready.

Luckily, America really is an awesome and efficient country because a mere 2 hours later I was hauling butt out the doors and into the metro again, passport in hand with a new bunch of fresh pages.

I made it to the Indian office by 11:30 and sat for 2 hours waiting to be seen. Everything went well for me, until the guy noticed something fishy on my paper. My heart sank as I realized what was going on..."C-c-con-Concordia?" He said.

Crap.

I wrote my job in the employmet line of the paper.

Without going into details I shouldn't post on the interwebs...that was a dumb mistake.

4 hours later, I had re-done all my paperwork. All I needed was an email from my gmail account sent to the visa email account because I didn't have a hard copy of something I needed.

"You have computer?" the guy asked me.

"No."

"iPad?"

"No."

"Does your phone go on internet?"

"Noooo." I was getting frustrated. I use a 10$ Chin.ese phone because I could care less about electronics and would rather spend my money travelling than on shiny things. But in that moment, I wished I had every i-device known to man. (and is the reason I am contemplating a big purchase...)

He thought for a moment. Then gave me my suggestion, "go ask one of the people here with an iphone to help you email."

WHAT?

After fighting him he was like, "You want India visa? You do this." So I marched up to the first rich Chin.ese lady I saw and plead my case in Chi.nese. She looked at me like I was an idiot. I looked back at the guy in the window and he was waving me towards a young girl in the corner. "Ok," I thought, "You've done more embarrassing things..." So I sat by the girl and started my pathetic speel in Chi.nese, "Can I please use your phone to email the office....." She cut me off in perfect English. And I am happy to say that after 40 minutes of sitting with Joyce, I have made a new friend in the visa office. We are even facebook official. Homegirl is so cool. Grace in the hard moments.

After 4 hours of being in that office, I walked out feeling...strange. They have my passport, and so my fingers are crossed that they really do grant visas in 6 days so that I will make my flight to America on Thursday. Here's hoping.

I headed to the train station and found out that my ticket from the day before was non-refundable so I was out 12$ on a train ticket. Oh well. Life goes on.

3 hours of travel later, I was home in HZ. With my kitty and my friends. Exhausted.

It seemed like every step of the way something was wrong. Debit card/access to American money gone. Not enough passport pages, No appointment at US consolate, printer broken, disclosed job, no internet access.

But hopefully it will all work out just like everything always does. By grace.

Then last night I biked an hour in the rain to my Wednesday night class at the far away campus. And the teacher told me in front of the entire 100-person class that I have not been signed up for the class this whole time, so I have to re-take it next year. Somehow my name got left off the roster and no one cares enough to let me have the credits even though I haven't missed a class and wrote the midterm paper.

The hurdles come in droves.

walk slow. xoxo.

Pt. 1: Shanghai Half-Marathon

2011-12-06T22:00:00.006+08:00

*I'm blogging the last 3 days in parts, because so much happened that it would not do the stories justice to lump every encounter and experience together.*

I cannot think of running without thinking of my parents.

They are synonymous.

My parents have run a gazillion marathons and running even has a staring role in some of their favorite stories of their college days. My dad worked in the college mail room for a summer and would deliver my mom's "Runner's World" mag and wonder who would read that.

We've had a subscription to our house for as long as I can remember.

So it was no surprise to me, when after a sleepless night and a ridiculously early train, I came out of the subway in Shanghai, took in a whiff of gritty factory air, and got tears in my eyes as I approached the Shanghai Marathon 2011 finish line.

It's hard not to be emotional taking part in something that is synonymous with my parents, but my parents aren't there.

I decided to mix my India visa run with the marathon because my dear friend Rachel was running. She set her mind to it and finished her goal and I'm so proud of her.

A group of friends gathered to cheer her and a few others on as they rounded the last corner to the finish at the Shanghai Oriental Stadium.

Overall I had a good impression about the race, apart from the repeated Superman song at the finish line that was so loud that no one was cheering the runners. There were many foreigners in the race, and there was a professional feel to it, with Asian charms. My friends told me that it was much better as a runner than the Hangzhou marathon, which would make more sense because Shanghai has way more money and is more international. It was a good time.

We went back to a friends house and then had lunch together before they all took off on their seperate ways - the Hangzhouvians to the train station bound for home, and the Shanghaiers back to their homes for an afternoon Study. I headed out on my own to find my fave Brit! I was staying with Stephanie, an old classmate who now lives in Shanghai doing an internship.

Little did I know how interesting things in Shanghai were about to get.....

but first, some pics from the marathon:

sunrise from the train window:

train breakfast of applesauce in a bag! I just started buying these for breakfast because there is no added sugar and it is an easy snack/breakfast so I don't load up on carby crap for breakfast:

Dragon dancers on the marathon course:

that sign says, "Jia You" or, "Add Oil," for all you Englishy people.

The finish line spectator crowd:

And what would an Asian even be without awkward Kodak moments?

some of the marathon crew heading back to the metro after the race! In this group shot, Nate (seated) and Rachel (medal) finished the race! :

Congrats, runner friends!

I'm glad I was able to be a part of the event with my friends. Marathons will always be special to me. I can't help but have memories of the 5 halfs and 21 miler that I've done in the past. I like that I can look at the people plodding through, see their faces, and think, "I know that feeling."

On Sunday the feeling for me wasn't of physical accomplishment or personal achievement like most of the runners, it was instead a feeling of aching for family, who I always think are amongst the throngs of runners.

But I will see them soon.

More to come in the morning...

walk slow. xoxo.

poop in the shower, and other stories.

2011-12-03T23:25:00.006+08:00

Just a little tiny informational post to prove I'm still kickin'.

I am in what has turned out to be the busiest season of my life thusfar.

I think the busyness is being exaggerated in my mind by the fact that everything I am doing now will DOUBLE come next semester - classes at school and work.

Yikes.

Good news is that my observations are done. I have become slightly nostalgic for the 11 students I have observed this semester - since next semester my quaint little group of students will group to a larger group of 25. I'll always remember my first American students.

Now I'm onto the online stage of the game and our American semester ends the day after I fly home: Dec. 16th. Can't wait for a break from being a grown up. I want to sit on my parents couch and be "Jessica the daughter" rather than "Jessica the Professor." I don't want to have any answers for a good two weeks.

In other news, my hair dresser has moved back to Hangzhou! YAY! But the turd got a job at a different shop, and I have a butt-load of money on a VIP card at the old shop. I am going to see if I can sell it online and then follow my dude to his new place. All my little friends have moved on from the hair place, except for the front desk girl and the old cleaner people - whom I also adore. But because the new dudes don't know me and I don't go often, I don't get the Chin.ese practice that I used to get, so I need to follow Qu Ping so that I can have a good solid 2 hours of Chine.se chat while I'm getting my hair done! I'm so happy one of the characters in my life is back! I'm also still in contact with my foot massager who closed shop - he is in his hometown.

I'm heading to Shanghai in the morning to apply for our Indian visas. Getting one is a real bear of a process. And an interesting fact: the Indian visa application has "transgendered" as a sex option. They also require you to choose your religion from a drop-down tool bar and "athiest" is not on the list. So apparantly, you can be transgendered but not an athiest if you want an Indian tourist visa.

I am turning everything in for the boys and Z will be picking it all up next week. I'm nervous because it is cutting close to the time I leave for America. We have to leave our passports at the consolate, and I better get mine back in time! Nothing like a constant adrenaline rush.

In other news, there was a human turd in the gym showers last week. Only middle-aged Chine.se women use those showers. Isn't that exciting. When the time gets closer to me heading to America, I start to really be thankful that I can live here, but also that I can leave here. Societies do not advance as fast as economies and this society is crappy. (haha, get it?)

There have been a bunch of birthday's happening lately which is a great reprieve from serious stuff. Last night we ended up at a swanky bar after dinner at an Indian restaurant. I made sure to butter up the singer and asked him to sing to our birthday girl. He asked me where everyone was from. I looked at the table and realized everyone was from a different country. Amazing. Australia, Mexica, USA, England, Indonesia, and China were represented. How great! He then went on to sing to her in English, Chinese, Cantonese, Spanish, German, and French. The little bar singer put us language students to shame!

Another completely random China story - on the distance bus back from my last observations, I sat down across the aisle from a man who was more scraggly and dirty looking than the average Asian male. (greasy hair and long finger nails are the norm).

I didn't think anything about anything and settled in for the long ride, my iTouch streaming country music into my ears, and my Macbook safely tucked under my arms. I checked my phone for messages, then looked around to take in my surroundings as I do before I go to sleep on public transport.

And then I saw something strange.

The guy across the aisle from me's hands were covered in something. Blood. Blood was crusted in his blacked nails and the tips of his fingers were stained deep red. Maybe it could have been a stain, maybe he was a painter. But his clothes did not have the typical splashes of a painter's clothes.

And he looked deranged. And this is Chi.na. Personal hygiene is lacking, so washing hands with soap is not common. It totally could have been blood.

And then my mind started wandering. There were were on the same bus, with the same start and end point, but on competely different planets.

I cuddled my Apple computer that is worth more money than that man makes in half a year. I have a tally of flights in December and January that is worth more than he makes in a year.

I had pearls in my ears. And warm wool socks on. I complain about lack of water pressure in my shower and timed hot water.

I spray myself with perfume and wear deodorant. I care how I look, smell, and am percieved by others. I want my shoes to match my outfit perfectly. I like to have bows in my hair.

And this man was sitting on the public bus, touching public things, with blood on his hands.

I don't know what the story is. I'm not sure I want to know. But the contrast between me and people I come in contact with daily is sometimes shocking. Yet we co-exist.

I made eye contact with the man for a split second before looking away. I was embarrassed of my computer and nice work clothes.

And then I went to sleep. When I woke up, he had already gotten off the bus as an earlier stop.

Some pics:

I love the leaves out at the Agriculture University! This sign says that, "little grass also has life," telling people not to walk on the grass.

workity work work:

a woman holding her child to take a dump outside the bus. AT THE BIS STATION WHERE A BATHROOM WAS LITERALLY 15 FEET AWAY. and this was about 3 feet from the bus door.

Gross Gross Gross.

Zackaroonie's birthday! With his better half, check out the flaming, singing candle:

Jessica's birthday!

outside the Indian kitchen where I tried to train my taste buds to like spicy food (an uphill battle). Good thing we had amazing ice cream cake at the end!

So, that's that. Happy December!

I'm off to the Indian consolate in Shanghai! Wish me luck!

walk slow. xoxo.

all work and no play...

2011-11-28T23:20:00.005+08:00

...is my life right now.

Today was another 2 observations. Tomorrow is my last observation day of the semester! Then a million grades to do (I'm a little behind....yikes...) and then it's the homestretch to Christmas break.

On my Chin.ese schooling side of things, I have a 2000 Ch.inese character paper to write and still some paperwork for the major change debacle. Before I can peace out of the country.

I started class with a Chinese tutor (Leo) yesterday and now have a butt-load of work to do. I realized how many characters I have forgotten this semester since I have not been practicing reading at all. Dang it. He sent me home with a list of words to translate from English to Chin.ese and memorize by next week: neo-classics, Daoism, The Analects, Maoism, etc. Hard stuff.

It will all get done. Just cranking through. Answering emails, calculating grades, and trying to remain as professional as possible. (note to self, telling your student your butt is chaffed from the 32 mile bike ride is NOT professional. ha.)

Today's work pics:

English Accent Training Center:

view from the 4th floor of the Zhejiang College of Chi.nese Medicine:

I might have a problem with excessive self-portrait taking:

And this is how I feel about getting up in 5 hours to bus 1.5 hours to my last set of observations:

ha.

walk slow. xoxo.

32.2 miles.

2011-11-27T13:21:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how different your life is when you lose a substantial amount of weight.

A year ago, if someone asked me to bike 17 miles to Thanksgiving dinner with them, through the city, over a river, and into the outskirts of the city limits, I would have said no in a heart beat. No way could I keep up or I would have been too afraid to try and keep people back.

But last week, when my super-biker friend and fellow MAIS alumni Julie asked if I wanted to join a crew of students and bike to the MAIS Thanksgiving dinner in BFE, I said ok - happy to burn the extra calories and help me earn another scoop of apple crisp.

I trust my training now. I understand my body, muscles, and heart rate. I know what I am capable of and I knew that a 32 mile ride would be no problem. Hallelujah.

It turned out to be one of the most memorable days of the year for me. We had such a blast.

I arrived at Julie's apartment (my old apartment that I lived in for 2 years!) at noon. We hung out, looked at maps of the city, and geared up once our student friends arrived (one all the way from Shanghai).

Last year when students were moving our of my dorm, I grabbed a helmet from the trash pile. Turns out, I will be putting it to use more often!

The four of us headed out and one of the students kept watch on his Garmin, (dear Santa, I want a Garmin!) After crossing the bridge about 6 miles out, and past the city congestion, we stopped for a self-timer photo-op.

I wish I had a video camera on my helmet because what we biked through was amazing. Chin.ese highways, farms, vegetable markets, under bridges, past apartment buildings. At one point a child tried to out-run us. We must have looked like such a show to the natives.

Strawberry farms:

We stopped several times to look at the map and ask passersby for directions.

The bike I used was left by a disgruntled teacher at Julie's school who just up and left in the middle of the night about a week ago. Well lucky me, I bought the bike from Julie for really cheap so now I have a road bike! It is even foldable. How cool. I'm excited to have a new hobby/way to socialize/exercise. I don't like running in groups, but biking in groups is so much fun! (as I just found out).

Two hours and ten minutes later we arrived at the college where our dinner was being held! It took only 1.5 hours to get home. Driving through the city during the day was hard because there are so many people and we had to carry our bikes up and down stairs at some bridges.

I changed clothes into my, "teacher" clothes and then we went into the culinary school kitchens to see the Chin.ese culinary school students preparing our Thanksgiving feast! Our dinner was held so far away because this school has a culinary school who could prepare western food for us. It was a great way to give the Chi.nese students this experience and give us a great meal not available anywhere else! The students all shouted in awe when the hams came out of the ovens and were taking pictures of the food on their cell phones.

YUM

It was great to see so many students together and my bosses from Shanghai. I have an awkward time transitioning into my new role in the program at these larger social functions. I am much better at my job in smaller groups. I am sure this will change with time as I grow into my role as Professor.

After a few hours of dining and chatting and a few extra helpings of everything, I changed back into my stretchy pants and we headed off into the night for our ride back in the cold.

What a wonderful day.

In the theme of thankfulness, I kept thinking to myself that I am so thankful for my health and my body that allowed me to have such a good experience with great people. And I am thaknful for Julie inviting me on the full day's journey.

Another memory filed away. The day I biked 32.2 miles for Thanksgiving dinner. Awesome.

walk slow. xoxo.

business lunches and bus rides.

2011-11-26T11:43:00.003+08:00

For me, "going to work," means taxi'ing to a university to observe an English class. My students are the teachers. "Working" means sitting at my computer inputting grades and reading lesson plans/journals/discussions.

It's fabulous. Except that my students live all over the map so I have to go in a million directions to get to them.

There is one district where there is just a long road with universities lined up on either side. The university students live in shared dorms. I have several students who teach in this district, so this week I'm just returning every day to the same street.

I was alone for lunch yesterday so went down to the "rubbis street" to get some grub. There are vendors outside selling duck necks, candied hawthorne berries, fried noodles, and roasted sweet potatoes.

I purused some little shops, bought a new blue shade of nail polish, and headed back across the street to observe another class - caught in a sea of black haired students 6 inches shorter than me, notebooks in hand.

While walking around the rubbish street I had a funny thought moment of, "one of these thiiings is not like others!" ha.

Take a look:

check out the sugar canes for sale on the right:

Then I rode the bus home. My job compensates my work expenses, but I have to front the money. Which means I split my trips equally bus/taxi because I can't personally afford so many taxis. Taxi there - bus home.

When I research travelling in India, all I keep hearing about is how crowded it is. Well, today I was on a bus so crowded the driver stopped opening the front door to let people in. Stood like this for 45 minutes holding my bag and computer and in heels:

view out the front:

I think India will be fine, considering this is my commute. haha.

All in a days work.

walk slow. xoxo.

thankfulness.

2011-11-25T01:01:00.004+08:00

This fourth Thanksgiving in Chi.na, I am thankful for a job that I love.

(and worked for 10 hours on Thanksgiving day)

"My favorite thing about Thanksgiving is art teacher."

I am thankful for friends who become family in this land so far away.

I am thankful for an American potluck with africans, europeans, middle easterners, and chin.ese...
I am thankful for my many blessings.

I am thankful for travel opportunities to see the world and deepen my understanding of the complex ties that bind us all.

(Team India!)
I am thankful that our Dutch friend showed up in his American flag shirt.

I'm thankful for my kitty cat, dried persimmons, a new bike basket, and instant coffee.

I'm thankful for my new library card that gives me access to a few English books and having a scholarship to learn in a language I love.

I am thankful for my students - from both ends of the earth who often teach me more than I teach them.

But I am mostly thankful for my family - who never tells me no, asks me smart questions, and when I come up with a crazy idea tells me, "go for it."

Happy Thanksgiving from Chi.na.

Thankfulness, thankfulness is what I long for.

Thankfulness is what I need.

Thankfulness, thankfulness is what You want from me....

walk slow. xoxo.

quotable Xu Xue.

2011-11-22T23:12:00.004+08:00

It dawned on me today that I'm a grown-up.

It's really been hitting hard lately, but today as I sat at my computer after a full day of work and replied to emails of people thinking I have answers or connections it hit me: holy crap I grew up. I have a lot of responsibility.

It's kind of exciting. I talked on the phone for an hour today with my boss/co-worker/mentor person. We discussed lesson plans, the future of our program, transportation issues, student issues, and our relationships with our Chin.ese counterparts. When I hung up I was high on life. I really love this stuff. Thank the good Lord for provision and direction.

So, another round of student observations has started. I thought I would be a great idea to leave at 6:30 with my student for her 8am class so that I could attend her class, meet for 4 seconds with her administrators, then head back downtown and get on with my life.

Of course, things never go as planned. I went to visit the administrators and they asked me to stay for lunch, 2 hours later. It's my job to keep good relations with these people, so I had to say yes. And I found myself on a 1.5 hour "walk" around the campus with one of the student assistants whose job it was to keep me company until lunch time.

At first my attitude was not good inside, I was disappointed in not having my plan to get back by the afternoon pan out. But then, I got to spend 1.5 hours chatting with Xu Xue, the student assistant, and absolutely loved this kid by the end of our walk. He was hilariously quotable and we had some good chats.

Everything works out for good. There is good in every situation.

Observing my student's class:

The campus is located on a former government park. When I asked Xu Xue why, he said because, "the land was cheap."

There are tea fields behind the classroom buildings. Gorgeous.

Xu Xue in front a sign proclaiming to, "embrace the world." He is a 20 year old international trade major. I expected to have to talk Chin.ese most of the time, but to my surprise homeboy's english is genius. He had a lot of cultural observances and questions for me. He was refreshing and interesting to talk to. It's through these chats that I really learn about the ideas of this generation of Chin.ese people.

His quotes during our walk include:

-"What's with this Justin Beiber fever? He is just a boy who can sing and dance."

-when I asked him what his favorite tv shows were, "Don't judge me, but I like Jane Austen and Pride and Prejudice. The BBC version because it is more exquisite."

-"What's with all the screaming in reality tv?"

-"Philosophy is dangerous why do you study that? If people become philosophers they can change the way people think and that is dangerous. Very dangerous. I do not go deep to philosophy because I am comfortable and do not want to think different things. I think we are all like that."

-"Studying abroad is a waste of time. Going abroad for work is better."

-"There is a kid in my class with no friends. He is always alone and studies. And his math score is perfect." My response, "Ya, but when you die do you want to be remembered for being a good person or being good at math?" Him, "Maybe both."

-"I want a job where I can go on planes here and there and everywhere all the time."

-"When I was a freshman I used to go in the mountains with my roommates and do crazy things." Me: "What kind of crazy things?" Him: "Pick the baby bamboos and go back to our dorm and cook them!"

- "Over the mountains there is a small village. We would have never known if we did not dare to climb over the mountains."

What a great unexpected hour with a new little friend. This is how I will learn Chin.ese philosophy.

The lake on campus, just trying to waste time til lunch. "Take a picture so I can show my mom," is my usual quote:

Finally lunch time:

The international department of Zhejiang Science and Technology University, one of my students, me:

Then I came home, napped, had a conference call, answered a million emails, hit the gym, and thought about my life.

My grown up life.

And why is there so much screaming in reality tv? Hmmmm...good question, Xu Xue. Good question.

walk slow. xoxo.

Productivity.

2011-11-21T20:31:00.005+08:00

Today was a great day for:

Tackling laundry mountain. How we do our laundry in the dorm is: 1. Pile it into bins (as seen on the floor). 2. Carry it to the archaic machine with no lid. 3. Fill up the bin with hot water from our drinking tap (against the rules, but they can suck it, I want clean clothes). 4. Hand drain and re-fill to "rinse". 5. Carry back to dorm in the bin and hang as pictured here until dry (usually a day).

It was also a great day for riding my bike around campus getting work done.

There is still major-change paperwork to do, I printed, signed, and scanned my contract for next semester's work (I don't have a printer/scanner so have to go to a shop to do it), and checked the international bank atm to see if my American moolah could be taken out to buy work clothes for my job meetings this week.

Unfortunately, I'm a dumby and forgot that it being 3pm Chi.na time on a Monday meant that the bankers in America were sleeping and I still have about 4cents in the US bank. Maybe tomorrow. haha.

While I was on campus I ran into my little french admirer. Funny enough, he had texted me this morning, "Hey haven't heard from you in awhile how are you?" and I never responded. Then out of the sea of students, there he was walking towards me as I left an office building.

Ha. He asked me when we can hang out and I went into a 10 minute long speech about how I was, "heading to the library and really busy with work and leaving town to grade my students and blah blah blah." Poor kid just stood there while I rambled my old lady responsibilities. "Ok see you around some time," he said. "Wow," I laughed to myself as I rode my bike away. I have crossed the thresh-hold to adulthood. A cute little European wants to hang with me but I would rather go to the library and do work. C'est la vie.

And check that CURLY HAIR! I found a trick to get my hair curly until my natural curls grow back in, which will take a few more years. (waaaa).

It was a good day to go to the library to look up some Chin.ese philosophy books since the ONE textbook my advisor told me to read before my classes start costs $140.00 on US Amazon. Um nooooo. But lo and behold the library is closed on Mondays. Every time I ride my bike by it I think it looks like a Mormon temple. Do you?

It was also a good day to respond to/send 8 million work emails. My second round of student observations starts tomorrow (at 6:30am!) so I'm about to be slammed busy for a week straight. Good thing I love my job. And I'd better enjoy it now because starting in January things will be doubly busy. Yikes.

Good thing kitty keeps me company while I slave away in e-world!

It was a good day to be alone. With observations coming up and a lot of travelling on the horizon, I need to make time to just be with me. I'm slowly learnig how to protect my emotions and keep everything even keel. This means balancing days with lots of friends and human interaction with days like today - where laundry and errands take precedence.

It was a good day to be productive. Nothing special or out of the ordinary happened. But the weather was nice and I got a lot done. That's a winner to me.

I hope your day was good to, wherever you are.

walk slow. xoxo.

team india.

2011-11-19T22:03:00.005+08:00

There are few things in life that give me such happiness as planning a trip.

There is just nothing like looking at a map and thinking, "hmmm, where do I want to go this time?" And then making it happen.

Today was spent with Team India doing what I love: making lists, checking prices, working calculators, checking advisories, and ultimately - making a dream trip to India happen.

We spent 4.5 hours finalizing our itinerary and booking all of our train tickets for while we are in India. This required checking seat availability, adding up the legs of the journey, deciding on extra days in certain cities, contemplating "safer" vs. "economic", and making sure we were ending up in the train stations closest to where we wanted to end up.

I love this stuff.

All in all we each are now the proud holder of 7 one-way train tickets - including 3 overnights (2 legs over 20 hours). We have one first class, 2 second class, and 4 lowest class tickets spanning across Northern India. We each paid a whopping $93.53 total. Total.

The next step is booking hostels. I'm in charge of this. Yippeeee I love it!

We are trying to get all of this done well in advance and before the holiday/finals season hits. We don't want to leave anything to last minute; we want it all to be booked before we get on the plane. Booking tickets and hostels as you go has worked well for me and my travel companions on many other occasions, but I don't want to leave anything to chance in India.

I'm really excited to travel with these guys. We are a "motley crew" as Adam put it today. My female friends say I am, "brave" because these two have some personality and attitude on them...but we all know who is in charge here. :) jk.

It all started with a simple phone call from Zach about 2 weeks ago. People had been starting to discuss Spring Festival plans and I hadn't given it much thought because since my travel besties left Chi.na 2 years ago, my big Asia trips have subsided. Z called and said, "You want to go to India. I want to go to India. Let's go to India."

But I couldn't make that big of a commitment and was knee deep in school drama of changing majors. I told them to let me see how my life panned out. I thought about it for 5 days - then booked my tickets. The rest is history. School worked out (I think), I got a promotion at work, and someone already volunteered to watch my baby cat.

The way I view it - I owe it to my kids and grandkids to have these stories. My grandparents have stories of a honeymoon in Cuba and African safaris. My mom has camp stories of tipping canoes and only getting socks for Christmas to pay for camp. My dad has stories of being force-fed Chi.nese food in Hong Kong and being held hostage at gun point in Latin America. I will have stories of Korean earthquakes, frozen Chin.ese ice castles, Malaysian markets, and Indian trains.

I've kind of been hell-bent on India since my Gramps, who has traveled the entire globe, said to me once maybe 2 years ago that, "India is one place I didn't get to." Well Gramps, we're going to India. Because everywhere I go my family goes with me.

I can't believe we are really doing this. I've been talking for over a year about how I can't leave Chi.na without going to the Taj Majal and volunteering in Mother Teresa's Calcutta home...and now both are happening. I don't believe in "bucket lists" but if I were to ever draft one, the Taj and Sisters of Mercy would be high on the list.

Team India, (adam, zach, moi):

Mu Shu may have some wanderlust of his own:

I love planning trips. I want to go to India so I am going to India.

This is a wonderful season of life.

walk slow. xoxo.

keys.

2011-11-19T02:57:00.001+08:00

The small man

Builds cages for everyone
He
Knows.

While the sage,
Who has to duck his head
When the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the
Beautiful
Rowdy
Prisoners.

--Hafiz

walk slow. xoxo.

simple sentences.

2011-11-18T15:11:00.003+08:00

It's rainy today. I'm in a thoughtful yet scattered mood.

There's a lot to do today: online grading, respond to emails, laundry, dishes, India research for the "team meeting" tomorrow, gym, sign/scan my contract for next semester, organize teaching paperwork (that cat has scattered all over the floor), order some schoolbooks on Chin.ese Amazon, and if all things go as planned, a night-time massage with a friend who is going through a hard time. (nothing lifts the spirits like a good 6 dollar rub down).

Amidst the scattered-ness, there's some great thoughts:

1. Three cheers for globalization (and hopefully finding pants for people over 5'4")...

2. Went for a long walk yesterday. I love this city.

3. There is now a pin-pong lunch-time tournament initiative outside the gym. (My gym is on the second floor of a business complex). Businessmen come play ping-pong on their lunch break. (lunch breaks here are loooooong, like 2 hours).

4. I love my baby Mu Shu cuddly-doo. (who still had no shots because I can't sneak him out of the dorm without him crying.)

5. I got a "promotion"! As of next semester I will be taking on all of the Hangzhou students for the program I teach for. Instead of 5 schools and 12 students, I will have 10 schools and 25 students. I will be teaching 6 credit hours (2 sections).

I am very excited. I love my job. I've had a bit of a learning curve this semester, so I am glad that I did not start with that many students - it would have been overwhelming. Easing into the responsibility is a blessing.

I am yet again amazed how everything works out. I just was paid my first check and turned around and spent it on a ticket to India. I have been wondering if that was a responsible choice, but then I find out that my salary will be doubling. What a blessing. I now have no quelms about my upcoming trip to India as a financial mis-step.

See? Scattered. But good.

walk slow. xoxo.

stories.

2011-11-16T22:40:00.006+08:00

I love my blog.

But one hard thing about the blog is sitting down and choosing a story to tell. Oftentimes, there are 4 or 5 situations floating in my head from the 24-48 hours since I last posted, and I have to choose which story to highlight - which means 3-4 stories never make it into e-world. Choosing which story and then naming that story is sometimes a hard choice.

I had several ideas of what to name this post, all varying from different stories I could tell about the past two days.

So here are the titles and their snippets, but sometimes I just can't shoose:

"Tears of Joy and Purpose"

Tonight I recieved a message on the Chinese e-messenger QQ. It was from a student from my second year at HDU, Sophie. She wrote me this:

Jessica ，真正的良师+益友：）

祝福~~

The message translates to: Jessica, a true mentor. Blessings.

I cried a little. I love my life. I miss my Chi.nese college students, but life has moved on and I have so many new students to care for (Americans, Chine.se doctors). But no matter who I teach, or who I have the honor of interacting with, my Chi.nese college students will forever have a special place in my heart and memory. I am so glad we keep in touch online.

"Sorry, I'm too old for you."

I have a french suitor. It's cute - but I have no idea what to do with this kid. He is making me feel old. I am flattered by his pick-up lines and the fact that he is interested in an old lady like me, but I really just need to tell the poor kid to go flirt with someone his own age.

It began at my friend Steph's birthday party a few weeks ago at a restaurant/bar/expat hangout down the street from my dorm. I was a few glasses of wine in, and had reached the point of tipsyness where I think everyone is awesome and everyone is my best friend.

A cute little European dude leaned from his table toward ours and we started chatting. He explained he's from France and I yelled out all excited that my Mamaw is from France and used my 3 phrases that I remember from 3 years of highschool french class. I said something that was funny, and the little kid was hooked on my old lady charm.

And he hasn't let up. I get texts in French. He invites me out with his little dude friends. I've run into him several times since and he is very friendly and flirtacious. I get texts that say things like, "let's hang out Friday so that you can tell me about being a supermodel and I'll tell you about being a rockstar."

Homeboy's got lines.

I'm flattered, but I feel like he's misplacing his charm. He needs to go find a little cute Asian and woo her. I'm old, busy, and only looking for serious relationships with marriable men. My eggs are drying and I don't want to mess around with a little 21/22 year old.

I told him a few nights ago that I was, "too old for him." He won't take that as an answer. He's charming and harmless and I'm flattered that a young chap thinks I'm worth flirting with...but at some point I've gotta let the little dude know that I'm not really interested in a semester fling.

"20 Sources"

I can't say too much on the blog about my job, but I do want to say how amazing it is to be a thesis advisor. I have had another student ask me to advise their thesis (now I have 2!) and I am really honored. This should be an interesting journey for both sides.

I've got my kiddos researching for their literature reviews. We are starting with 20 sources, honing in on what research they want to conduct, then going after 20 more sources for a total of 40 at the start of researching. I really want my kiddos to do great work, I'm excited about this. I'm not sure just how qualified I am to be reading thesis', but the only way to get qualified is to do stuff, so we're taking the academic plunge together and hoping for the best!

"Red Stamps."

I got all the stamps for my paperwork! I am going to the office to turn them in tomorrow. My old advisor practically filled out the paperwork for me! He took the paper and got the other education department signatures for me while I waited in his office. He's making up for something, that's for sure. I think my new advisor is awesome and I can't wait to sit down with him and hash out my study plan. He doesn't want to make the plan until everything is finalized.

I told the only other foreigner in the ed. department tonight that I am changing majors. We have become friends and I'm actually sad to not have him to text about everything. He was sad to see me go, but so happy for me. It is great to have friends share in your joy. He said to me, "I didn't think it was possible to switch. It really is a miracle." Amen, brotha. I got those red stamps!

"Dinner at the Wyndham."

Last night I received a last minute text from my British friend Abbie asking me if I wanted to have a free, fancy schmancy dinner at the Wyndam hotel with her for her birthday. My plans for the gym went out the window and I found myself at a Mexican buffet with silverware, guests in suits, live entertainment, and guacamole!

She said she thought of her friends who would most appreciate the dinner and thought of me (since I'm broke). I was so thankful to be included in her day, and thankful for the great food!

"Big American Fat Girl."

There is a foreign girl at the gym who is sleeping with one of the trainers. It's big gossip. At Abbie's after-party someone was there who is close to the situation and was confiding in me some things (I'm always that person people tell their secrets to). Then, half-way through our chat, his eyes light up and he goes, "You're her!"

Um, what?

"You're the girl she was talking about!"

Apparently, the foreign girl was telling him how there is am American girl who is always at the gym and, "used to be really fat and gross but has lost a lot of weight." This foreign girl was discussing me and saying she's, "jealous" of my results.

That was hurtful to hear. I don't think I have ever been, "really fat and gross." And frankly, I think people feel body judgement and body jealousy because they feel badly about themselves.

My weightloss journey has been very personal and quiet and to be spoken about by an almost stranger in that way is hurtful. I feel badly for how broken inside she must be.

It was a good lesson in making sure I am not taking about people in a hurtful way behind their back. It's not pretty.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

When I was having dinner at the Wyndam the general manager (Abbie's friend who gifted her the dinner) came over for a chat. I had never met him before, and we were discussing whatever people discuss when they first meet. He was very interested to hear of my life (doctorate studies, professorship, etc) and told me, "You are a very impressive young woman."

Coming from a 50'something year old man who has run hotels all over the world for 30 years, that was a great compliment.

He then looked at me squarely and said, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

I was taken aback for a split second, then recovered.

With complete confidence I responded, "I want to do what I am doing now. I'm at the beginning of my career."

That was an awesome feeling to know that for sure. I'm at the beginning of my career. Hopefully it morphs and changed and grows, but this is the right path.

So, those are my stories. Here's some pics:

the Commie bulletin boards in the philosophy department:

BAM! red stamps of officialness:

this guy was looking out the window of a building at school and I loved the composition of the moment:

the Wyndam. With workers from Volkswagon in suits next to us.

Dinner not at the Wyndam. Our Wednesday night tradition of dinner before class.

Wednesday dinner dudies:

at this restaurant. The name literally translates to, "Northeastern wind taste."

Class. Bah.

Panda shoes.

So there's my stories.

Til next time the stories pile up and I need a place to store them...

walk slow. xoxo.

Relief.

2011-11-14T23:01:00.002+08:00

Today reassures my belief that good things come to those who....

wait...

trust...

hope...

and fight like hell.

After a trip into the office to, "check on my situation," I have in my possession the papers required for changing major. Tomorrow afternoon I have appointments for the signatures of my previous and new advisors.

Then I turn the paper into the international office and wait again. So, I'm not totally in the clear, but today was a significant step in the right direction.

I had a friend go with me to the office because having a backup would keep my emotions in check. I would be less likely to freak out on the guy or burst into tears if I had a good friend by my side. My emotions were so strong, she could feel my nerves emitting from my body.

That's some strong intensity.

After recieving the paper, she made some calls and we went over to the foreign philosophy department to seek out the help of a precious Chi.nese student. As part of the paperwork, I have to write in Chin.ese my reasons for changing major. Of course, it would be better to have a Chi.nese person do this, since my written Chin.ese is crap and this is an official document.

Precious (and gorgeous!) Leo listened to my tale of wanting a job in America teaching Chi.nese Studies and got to work drafting my letter. A few minutes later, my Chi.nese letter of intent was printed and stapled to my paperwork. A thousand times better than anything I could have written.

Use your resources. :)

Tomorrow I am taking the two of them (Hannah and Leo) out to lunch to thank them for their tremendous support and help today. I seriously could not make it here without my friends. Community living at it's most glorious.

Then I hit the gym.

And came home and bought a ticket to INDIA!

Spring Festival, 2012 will be spent traversing Northern India for 3 weeks with 2 of my guy friends. I can't believe it.

this weekend.

2011-11-13T21:47:00.002+08:00

I keep having to remind myself to breathe.

Tomorrow I am going into the office to see what's up about my life (major-changing situation).

So, this weekend, I did my best to live my life, relax, and not stress too much. It worked out ok, only there is pressure in my chest and I have to let out big breathes every so often. I can't wait til this is over. Waiting sucks for anything. Waiting for Chine.se people to make a decision especially sucks.

So I had myself a little weekend.

I Google + chatted my fave travel buddies. Our three-way chat was extra special since each of us are in different countries. Jennie in the US (noon), Nick in Spain (6pm), me in Chinatown (1am). I miss those monkies - our travels were an era of my life that will probably remain some of my fondest (or strangest) memories for life.

I went to the veggie market with a friend.

I took 800 pictures of my cat.

I got a hair trim (with two friends who got hairwashes).

And I tried coffee gum. Verdict: strange, but don't regret the 80cents spent.

I had sushi, did laundry, rode my bike everywhere I needed to go, had a movie night at a friend's to watch Darjeeling Limited (hilarious and deep). And looked up travel tips for India even though I do not have a ticket yet.

A good weekend amidst a lot of uncertainty in my life.

I'm so nervous for tomorrow.

Breathe.

walk slow. xoxo.

limbo-land.

2011-11-11T00:29:00.003+08:00

There's no easy way around it.

I'm in limbo.

I don't want to tell the story until the story has a finale, outcome, definitive result...but I have no idea when this story will find it's closure.

I'm hoping sooner rather than later - for my own sanity's sake - but anything is possible here in Chi.naville.

I will tell you this, dear bloggy. I have been officially dropped from the education department of Zhejiang University - at my own request. I am now awaiting the decision of a committee of whoever's in Beijing or Hangzhou, not sure. This committee holds my fate.

Option 1 - they approve my change of major (I already have a new advisor who has accepted me) and my life continues on, happily, in a major I want to study and with a man whom I respect. My original plan of 3 more years in Chi.na continues and I begin my classes in the Spring (February).

Option 2 - they deny my request. My student visa will expire and I will lose my housing/living stipend. I will not be able to afford a home on my current paycheck. I will frantically search for a way to get a work visa.

It shouldn't surprise you that I am having trouble sleeping these last few nights.

A door is about to close in my face, or a new path is about to appear. But one thing is for sure - I will not continue on miserably in the education department for 3 more years.

And so I wait...

This is not a bad place to be. It is scary. I have moments of panic. But one thing I have learned is that I am terrified of leaving this place. It's not my time to go. I have had my ups and downs the past few years, but now that possible visa expiration is staring me in the face - I will do anything to stay here. That is great to be aware of.

I have been given the chance to really practice trust and faith. There is nothing I control about this, I only can live my life and wait for the news.

I've been cautious in making other plans (a trip to India is in the works, but I refuse to buy tickets yet, to the chagrin of my travel-mates, until I have more clarity about my future). I've been very aware of my mental states - I am determined not to turn to emotional eating while I am under this stress. (I've lost 2 more pounds, making my grand total 29). Instead I'm turning to the treadmill, friends and my cat, haha.

Some pics from today:

Mu Shu has been getting lots of visitors! I've nicknamed him the "therapy cat" because many of my dormmates knock on my door just to hug on him! I think he makes everyone happier. Here's my Sri Lankan neighbor with baby Mu Mu:

After the gym I headed over to campus for a quick walk with Hannah. Sometimes we have to meet to take a "life break" and walk around the city block once:

There are lockers outside the library where students stow their bags. I love the tea bottles littering the top of the lockers:

How could anyone be stressed when this sweet face is waiting for you at home! (surrounded by his 800 new toys):

Please remember me in my situation. I'll let you know which option pulls me out of limbo.

walk slow. xoxo.

one lucky cat.

2011-11-08T23:07:00.007+08:00

On the night of Michael's wedding, I met a man named Bao Xu Wei (english name: Bob).

You may remember him as the man whose first words to me were, "Do you know Target?" And thus, a friendship was born (and also a homesickness for the dollar section and Target clothes).

During Michael's after-party at KTV, while I sat amidst a random group of Asian men singing songs in Chinese and lamenting with Michael that he was old and married, Bob invited me to visit his factory and "pick out whatever I wanted." I told him that I did not have a pet, but thanked him for his offer.

Lo and behold a week later, I was picking out baby Mu Shu at a market and biking him home in a bag slung from my shoulder.

I texted Bob and asked him if I could purchase some of his products because I had acquired a pet kitty. He called back that he was away on business but would call me as soon as he retured to Hangzhou. Weeks went by and I didn't hear from him - so I just supposed he forgot about me or didn't want to give/sell me anything/deal with a foreigner.

Oh man I was wrong.

A few days ago Bob called me. He was back in town and wanted to make good on his promise to take me to his factory.

This morning I waited for him at the main gate of my school and at 9:30am sharp he rolled up in his SUV (rare in Ch.ina) and off we drove to his company 30 mins away.

Reminder: I met this guy once, at a wedding, and half of our 4 conversations were while slightly inebriated at wedding karoake celebration. A month later, he's driving me down the road. I feel like these things don't happen in America.

I took the opportunity to learn about Bob and how he started his company. He worked for an insurance company for 3 years after graduating college, then decided to break free and begin his own business. Today he is a USD millionaire (his worker told me, not him, he is humble and kind).

He began online and through a process of knowing people, began acquiring contracts from companies abroad to make pet supplies. He bought a factory, hired some young and capable college grads, paid them all higher than average salary, and plunged into the world of international trade.

Today he exports to Target, Home Goods, Martha Stewart Pets, Petsmart, and a slew of European companies I'd never heard of, but nodded and went, "oohhhhh" when he mentioned them.

He took me to his 3 room office and started throwing things at me: stuffed animals, a cat scratcher tree, a litter box, airport carrier, backpack carrier, cat purse, collars, balls...etc. I physically could not carry everything. I just stood there and made small talk with his 2 employees while he handed me more things to take to, "my baby."

I am really glad I speak Ch.inese because our entire interactions were in Chi.nese. We were able to gab and chat with barely any problems - except when he went into a long speech about his belief in fortune-telling - I lost him a lot there. I need to work on my "magic" vocabulary. ha.

After about an hour, we all packed up my loot in his car and headed to lunch at a fancy pants Japanese restaurant by West lake. It was one of the most expensive lunches I've had in Ch.ina and his company paid for it.

Remember: I have done nothing for this man except talk to him and ask him questions, and he gave me hundreds of RMB worth of goods and bought me lunch. It is a true fact that I will never be able to out-give my Chin.ese friends.

He drove me home and I had to have one of the workers help me carry everything to my dorm. I was nervous about them seeing so much cat stuff considering my cat is a secret, but the dorm guard was on a walk outside and didn't seem to understand what was going on as we scurried past him. (thank goodness).

When baby cat saw his new loot he was on sensory overload! Which I was really thankful for because I have been concerned for his stimulation lately. I am often gone 10-14 hours a day and I have been nervous he might not have quality socialization, exercise, etc. He is a friendly kitty and has a great personality, but I feel bad for the little dude alone all day.

Well now, he has the entire inside of Petsmart to keep him occupied all day! Thanks to Bob, the generous business genius.

Bob's company:

the dog bed storage room, chancer are, if you bought a dog bed from Target in the past 2 years, it has been in this room:

Bob in his pet supply glory:

legit. Made in Ch.ina. Bob sells this dog bed to Martha Stewart pets for 8USD and makes a profit of 10% on each purchase. The tag had a price of $34.99. No wonder everything is made here:

too bad Mu Shu is a boy! All the pink/cute things were so precious! Bob and I talked about how when the economic crisis happened in America, the companies began ordering fewer larger more expensive items, and told Bob's company to focus on smaller toys. He explained that even though the economy is bad, Americans still care a lot about their animals and are willing to spend small amounts of money on pet toys. His business has grown by focussing on smaller items during the economic crisis. Fascinating.

His worker girl also said to me, "Your Thanksgiving is coming." Yes, I replied. "So then you have many sales! The price is so low!" Homegirl knows about the holiday season and she doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas. It was interesting to see how they learn and interact with their American customers.

Bob's awesome workers at lunch. They had such a great group-persona. It seemed like a happy place to work. Their English names are Nico (girl) and Layne (boy). Nico is about to get married and her fiance is a tour guide of Hangzhou. Layne comes from a family of fishermen 2 hours away from HZ by the sea, but he doesn't want to be a fisherman like his father nad brother, so he entered the business world when he graduate from college last year. Both of them make more money with Bob than at a regular office job. Average entry salary is $280rmb a month, they make $350 a month.

It was interesting because I can see how some Chi.nese people (and foreigners), "strike it rich," with hard work and the right connections in the international trade world. Bob asked me if I would go into internation trade since I am here and have a lot of connections and speak Chin.ese. I told him that I do not have any desire to do business and that my brain is not logical enough, but that if I ever meet anyone with a pet supply need, I will send them his way. Ha.

Mu Shu observing his new goods with wonder and awe:

One happy little Chin.ese kitty:

I went out to dinner and returned to find Mu Shu cuddling his new stuffed animals in his new cushy bed. I think he's the luckiest cat in Ch.ina.

It was an interesting morning. I was humbled to be given so much by someone I hardly know. I definitely do not behave that generously on a regular basis. I have a lot to learn from Bob.

walk slow. xoxo.

inner toughness.

2011-11-05T21:46:00.004+08:00

There's big academic changes a'brewin'.

I don't want to get too far ahead of myself because nothing is finalized (when is anything in Chi.na ever finalized?). BUT I have great hopes that soon I will be granted a fresh start in the academic portion of my life.

This morning I had an intense hour and a half meeting with my advisor in which I told the man what's up. Details after everything gets worked through, but I can tell you that my skills in debating and standing up for myself in the Chine.se language are increasing ten-fold.

I also can say that living in this country for several years has given me a deep sense of the business culture that I can use to my advantage. I knew how I was being played by the system, and let him know it.

Sometimes you have to call a spade a spade.

I cried (of relief) after the meeting and just reflected on the inner strength that has come into play so often recently. (wedding, school issues, etc). I feel like there are traits that I did not have a few years ago. It's nice to see character growth in yourself.

A lot of the parts of me that I tend to not like (aggressiveness, etc) are being honed and sharpened with time. (of course, there's a looong way to go). But it is amazing to see that in an intense meeting I was able to be strong, assertive, and get my way without being a bulldozer. It's not bad to be strong, but how you use your strength is important.

My stretegy was to let the man talk himself out. Rant on and on until he had nothing left to say. I sat there, not interrupting, making eye contact, silent. After he was done and had nothing left - it was my turn to talk; rationally, logically, and appealing to his sense of nationalism and personal pride.

I was gentle, but sharp-shooting in my observations and opinions of bureaucratic Chi.nese culture, the education system, and how the combination of these two entities is affecting my life negatively.

Please keep this situation in your thoughts, because I did say (and mean, I think) that if my change does not come to fruition - I will walk. So there is a lot on the line. Go big or go home. High stakes.

After I cried my happy tears, I met some friends for sweater shopping, Subway lunch, went for a long walk, and grocery shopped before heading home to play with my cat.

I have a Chi.nese essay to write for my Chi.na Survey class. But that can wait.

I have a kitty to hug on and prayers to say....

walk slow. xoxo.

my honey.

2011-11-03T21:40:00.005+08:00

I really should quit my job at the hospital.

3 part-time jobs and full time grad school in another language is a really crazy life choice.

But I just can't quit. I never will. They are going to have to find some way to coerce me to leave when they finally tire of me. I just love those monkey butts so much. (and I need the extra cash to survive).

I look forward to Thursday nights, even though it takes all evening on the bus to get there, I get smooshed into an elevator with screaming parents and sick children, and then have my keys jammed in the conference room door....every week. Some weeks they forget to leave me the white board. Other weeks they double book the room and I have to have class in the hall so that doctors from around the country can meet in the conference room.

But I love them. And people trump circumstances everytime.

In order for my story to make sense/be funny you have to now what happened last week.

Last week, my boss met me to give me an envelope. When she handed it to me and I clutched it to my chest and said, "thank you I am dying!" I thought she had paid me (I do not get paid on a schedule, so I never know when I will have money and when I...won't.)

She looked at me strangely and said, "Oh no! No money! Invitiation! We will dance Waka Waka!" then scampered off. Leaving me confused,sad that I had no money, and counting up how me and Mu Shu kitty were going to eat until Monday came and I got my scholarship money. The envelope contained an invitation to the hospital dance competition between wards, and you guessed it - the cardiac ward is dancing to Shakira's Waka Waka. No way I'm missing that.

So anyways, tonight I was to meet my boss by the elevator so she could give me my print outs of Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford commencement address. I was teaching the speech tonight and had asked my boss to print the sheets for me since I do not have a printer (or anything that makes a person human).

I stood by the elevators watching families carry dinner to the wards where their sick children were. And then I saw my boss in a frilly dress running towards me.

I walked to meet her and she rushed at me all frazzled and high-pitched, "Here is your moooney, I do not want you to dieeeee, you are my hoooooneeyyyyyyyyy." Then she handed me an envelope (with money this time) and my prints and flittered out of the hospital doors about as fast as she had run in.

I turned around, headed back towards the elevators and kept chuckling to myself.

"I do not want you to diiiieeeee, you are my hoooneeeyyyyyy."

hahahahahahahaha. Picture a little tiny Asian lady saying that to me, and that is some funny stuff.

walk slow. xoxo.

bus rides and umbrellas.

2011-11-03T12:34:00.002+08:00

After the emotional energy of the weekend, I've been hanging low around here just getting things done (online work, laundry, gym, grocery shopping, phone conferences, etc.)

Acts of racism. Acts of global peace.

You know, the usual life in Chi.na for foreigners. ;)

Yesterday was a gloomy, rainy winter day (a pre-lude to the next few months...waaaa) and I decided that I was not going to ride my bike an hour to my night class. So I called up my friend Mike who takes the school bus to the other campus and joined him at the school bus stop.

There were may other people waiting to board the 2 busses heading toward our campus. A large group of Middle Eastern foreign students, some Chin.ese teachers, and Chin.ese students. And then redheaded me and my African American friend from Rhode Island. An eclectic bunch (as usual).

When the busses arrived, we started the process of asking the bus drivers where they were going to make sure we got on the right bus (of course, there's no rhyme or reason, because this is Ch.ina - we just have to ask.)

We found our bus and started to board when the bus driver physically stopped me from boarding the bus. Like, stood on the steps and blocked me.

I broke out my adrenaline Chin.ese - "Excuse me, what are you doing, I'm just trying to go to class?"

him: "Chin.ese people board first."

me: "What?"

him: "When the time comes, if there are seats left, you foreigners can board. New policy. Not enough seats."

At this point, the crowd of foreign students dressed in turbans and kaftans had huddled around me and I became the reluctant spokesperson for the crowd since I seemed to have the best Chi.nese (or at least was the only person willing to take the guy on).

me: "We have never been denied the bus before, why would you do this? We are only trying to be good students and go to class."

him: waved his hand at me like he was waving me off and walked into the bus.

Eventually, we found another bus that let us on, and we got to ride to class. But I learned my lesson, I will be taking the public bus from now on when I don't want to ride my bike in the rain or cold weather.

What is sad is that I was not even shocked by the experience. I have been in Chi.na so long that I am used to the ignorance and rudeness of common people. I go to the 3rd best school - Ivy league status, and I was not allowed to board the bus due to not being from this country. Can you imagine an Ivy leangue school in the US keeping the foreign students off the bus until all the Americans had seats? It would be all over the news. Here, commonplace behavior with no one to complain to or report to.

I just hope that all these experiences add up to Chin.ese expertise and I can share these stories in a classroom one day. Then it will all be "worth it."

We made it to the campus and I met my friends for our weekly Wednesday dinner. I love this time so much. We made it to class with minutes to spare (and full bellies in tow) and sat in our usual seats by the N Korean. (I don't think I've told you about him before).

background: One of the N Koreans is in our class. We sit by him on purpose always in the same order - NK, Dan, Hannah, me. It is Dan's job to befriend the NK and then give us updates. He puts his arm around him and we offer him mints/gum - which he always stashes in his pockets.

Things we know about the NK - his name (Bai Dan Hao), he is married and has a 2 year old daughter, he is an engineer, he likes poetry and hates people who get drunk.

We have had a plan to follow him to see where he goes after class, but little did we know that he follows us! We always park our bikes behind the building and he knew where we park, what color our bikes are, and that we always go together. Sneaky, sneaky dude.

Well, since I was riding the bus yesterday, my friend Mike and I went to the bus stop and looked around for our NK friend. Nowhere to be found. When the bus pulled up he came out of his hiding place behind the advertisement board. Poor guy, always alone because he can't interact with us.

We rode the bus hom and then when it dropped us off at our campus, we still had a ways to walk (campus is big). The three of us, redheaded me, black, football player Mike, and little tiny N Korean walked down the road together. Ha. Isn't that a funny mental picture?

It was raining and Mike had forgotten his umbrella. I switched into speaking Chi.nese so that the NK could understand us (not sure on his English levels - though probably good).

I held out my umbrella over Mike's head so we were sharing and the NK'ian did the same. And we walked like that for about 100meters. The three of us under 2 umbrellas. Me laughing, and Mike telling the NK'ian to hang out with us more because we, "are cool Americans, not imperialist aggressors."

Alas, I knew our moment of world peace must come to an end. We rounded the corner to our dorm and our little friend told us he had to go and scampered off quickly in the direction of our dorm. I am sure he could get in trouble if he was seen interacting with us.

But it was such a precious moment while it lasted.

All in all a good Wednesday. A little racism, a little world peace.

As my mom says, "it all evens out in the wash."

walk slow. xoxo.

catharsis.

2011-10-31T21:03:00.004+08:00

I am learning that not everything needs to be explained.

So without going into needless detail; I spent my Sunday at a wedding. Here are some memories:

...camo cans of beer in a pagoda in the woods before the noon "western" ceremony (cheers to my date for the day, Zach, who kept me somewhat sane and reminded me to pull up my dress every hour or so):

balloons (and mosquitos):

right after I had panic attack #1 (out of 2) of the day:

Asian games between ceremonies (feeding each other out of a bottle):

the grand prize:

the groom paying us a visit between ceremonies:

the Chine.se ceremony (over 400 people in attendance):

our table-mates who flew all the way from Canada for the occasion:

contemplating stealing the life-size groom cutout and taking it to the bar:

after 7 hours of wedding-ness, I end up here in the light tree forest:

a little video:

I learned something yesterday.

I am incredibly strong.

I have been blessed with the most amazing friends I could ever hope for - here, half way around the world.

I found out how incredibly strong I am - and when my strength cracks, there is a support system ready to carry the load.

Today I was having lunch with a friend and she said to me, "Aren't you so proud of your life experience?"

Yes.

Catharsis: achieved.

walk slow. xoxo.

catharsis: intro.

2011-10-31T00:23:00.002+08:00

I did it.

More to come.

walk slow. xoxo.

official.

2011-10-29T22:21:00.003+08:00

Look what came in the mail today from my boss in Shanghai?

Embossed and shiny.

Baller.

I'm a real adult person. Call me. :)

(but only if you want to marry me, give me money, or help me write my dissertation in Chin.ese.)

walk slow. xoxo.

my heart.

2011-10-28T23:52:00.002+08:00

Fun fact: I have been called by two different men on their wedding day. One white, one yellow. One the month after I graduated college and one last summer.

The human heart is able to withstand so much.

We really are resilient, aren't we?

I was hand delivered a wedding invitation today. By someone I have not seen in 1.5 years. My first (naive, ignorant, immature, reckless) love.

It came with a side of, "You know you will always be special to me."

One of the most painful sentences to hear.

(don't worry, I sweated it all out on the treadmill and left my feelings there to die).

My poor, bitter, non-overweight heart.

This weekend is going to be a doozy - tutoring 2 kids, a Halloween party, online work, shopping for a wedding gift, gym, coffee with a friend, getting my hair done - all culminating in Sunday's all-day wedding festivities.

The heart is a resilient, courageous organ.

walk slow. xoxo.

what the...?

2011-10-27T12:03:00.008+08:00

A monumental occasion occurred yesterday afternoon.

I put on my big girl panties and actually went to class.

(haha.)

I showed up ten minutes early with my 800 bags in tow (gym bag, school bag, work bag...I carry around so many bags,) and stood in the hallway of the education building trying to chat it up with my random classmates.

*please like me, please like me, please take pity on me* is my new mantra and I just made fun of myself and acted a fool in Chi.nese until I had my classmates laughing and looking at each other like, "who is this girl?"

But alas, time for class came and I resorted to old habits and hid in the back by a student who did not look the least bit happy to sit by me, "crap, I don't want to have to help this girl," his face said.

From my hiding perch in the back...

Class went along and I understood less than usual. They are giving presentations on topics like, "phenomenology" and "hermeneutics" (this is after looking them up in my dictionary...)

My class notes have nothing to do with the class topic, but instead I make a stream of consciousness list of new (or forgotten) Chine.se words I hear being used...

I would be lost without my dictionary. But sometimes, the dictionary fails me and I find myself playing a silent game of, "what the *beep* are they talking about??"

I look up a sound of what I think I heard. Then the trusty dictionary gives me a list of options it could be - all based on the tone the sounds were said in - (yikes). Every so often, this list makes no sense and leaves me wondering what the heck these people are talking about.

Exhibit A in the game of, "what the *beep* are they talking about?"

my choices: disastrous or silkworm eggs.....?????

Exhibit B...

prison, spiritual tongues, or domain/sphere/territory....????

Exhibit C....

bonnet, statue of Mao, or human chronic gjoijvjnslivnd...???

Then of course, the ultimate act of, "I do not care" - self-portraits in class.

Silkworms, jail, Mao, bonnets...what are these people talking about?!??!?!

I have no idea. And somehow I am supposed to pass this class.

ha.

walk slow. xoxo.

BAM.

2011-10-25T16:47:00.005+08:00

This morning I woke up feeling great.

I threw on my workout clothes (I'm bringing spandex to asia, one awkward bike ride at a time) and headed to Starbucks (right next to the gym) to meet my friend Jess for our weekly debrief session. Then I said words I never thought I would hear myself say...

"I can't wait to get to the gym and weigh myself."

Um....what? She laughed at me. I meant it.

After a month of hovering stagnant 2-4 pounds over my goal weight that I set for myself in February...I just knew it was today.

Yesterday I took a "rest" day. It was almost painful. I "ate clean" (bananas, apples, sweet potatoes, oh my!) and just chilled at home when I would have been at the gym. I watched an episode of Biggest Loser and played with my cat and had to verbally tell myself, "No gym today." It's become that much of a habit - or need.

A rest day was just what the fat fairy ordered because when I got to the gym today I practically ran to the scale, that was being used by a naked Ch.inese person so I had to wait which made it even more climatic...

I hit my weight loss goal!!!! I squeeled on the scale and the cleaners stared at me and the naked people blow drying their lady bits stared at me and the yoga teacher in her flowy garb stared at me and I did.not.care. I did it - 5 days short of the October 30th deadline I set way back in February.

I weighed myself 2 more times just to "make sure" and practically floated out onto the floor and ran a celebratory 5k in 29 minutes. (another sentence I never thought I'd say).

I'm floating today. I am so happy. Nothing can steal my spirit. I went to the grocery store after the gym and was smiling at randoms. I entered the dorm and was waving my newly purchased cucumbers to the Africans on the first floor yelling, "Nihao!"

I've worked so hard hoping this day would arrive.

The numbers:

-I have lost 27 pounds in 7 months - average of a little more than 3/4 pound a week

-My BMI has gone from 29.0 (overweight) to 24.0 (healthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

27 pounds seems like an awkward goal, but for me I was looking at BMI and wanting to get into the healthy range. I choose the highest weight for my height for a female and went for it. I choose October 30th because it seemed like forever away and because a certain someone from my past gets married that day and I wanted to look awesome at the wedding (more on this another day).

I.am.elated. I am not overweight.

Because I am really awkward, here's a picture montage. Somewhere along the line I started taking pictures of myself in the bathroom mirrors at the gym. Almost every day. I told you I was awkward. What's even more awkward is when your friends look through your camera and find tons of pics of you in workout clothes at the gym. Ha.

This is the very first day at the gym, February, 2011...I wish I had a better "before" pic...

along the way, starting to love those jiggle-hugging spandex...

this was after my fastest 5k ever, getting closer....

buying new workout clothes because I want more tanktops (what? me?)...

BAM - today, October 25th, 2011 - 27 pounds lighter and stoked about it...

So what's next?

I have had to take an entirely different approach now that the jiggle is fading away (but trust me - there's still plenty). Now we (we = me and Body personified) are getting serious about nutrition and weights. We've got the cardio down, it's time to work on the details.

So what's gonna happen? More fiber. More water. More protein. Less sugar. More time spent with free weights (which means getting over my fear of the scary Chine.se muscle men starers). And more ab/core work (I've basically done none so far).

What started as, "I'm here to work out stress la la la" has turned into a serious numbers chart in my brain. And I hate charts. And numbers. But these things are important. Our bodies are science. This whole thing is so interesting to me. It's like my body does what I want it to. It just takes a lot of time. In order to be the best me I can, I need to know my daily protein and caloric needs - I do this by using the Fitness Tracker App (love it).

I do not reward myself with food because I am not a dog. But I do eat whatever makes me feel happy. Nothing is off limits. Ever. If I want to eat at midnight - I do. If I want candy - I eat it. But months of slowly changing my habits has caused me to naturally desire better stuff. My grocery cart is usually 3/4 produce, some tofu, and yogurt and nuts. No more fake crackers, cakes, or Chin.ese crap.

Speaking of Chin.ese crap - I rarely eat Chine.se food. All the oil makes me feel heavy and gross and lethargic. I love it from time to time, but if given the choice, I go home and have a yogurt bowl. You know what I do eat? Subway! 2-3-4 times a week. They know my order. (chicken on wheat with all the veggies, thousand island dressing).

So what's my new goal? I have played with the idea of a non-numbers goal just to get my brain off of numbers and the scale, but for now (since I still have weight to lose) I think I will remain in the numbers game, especially since I have the hang of it (finally).

I haven't talked tooo much about this journey on the bloggy because it's really personal for me. But I want to celebrate today and perhaps help to motivate other people too.

I've talked a lot about the "how" but not much about the "why." The "why" is so much harder to express. I did this because I wanted to love myself. I did it because I want to have a baby in the next 5 years. I did it because I was sick of hating all pictures taken of me. I did it because I felt out of control of my emotions. I did it because I have a big girl job now and don't want to face fat discrimination as I enter a career. I did it because I was sick of blaming other people for the way I treated myself. I did it because I deserve to look as awesome as I am.

So, the new goal is 9 more pounds by February, 2012. That would make 36 pounds lost in 12 months - slowing my weight loss poundage to exactly 3/4 a week and allowing more space for weights/muscle growthage. At that point I will be 4 pounds away from when I was my strongest/leanest in high school and on the swim team. (high school!?!?!) We'll see how I feel in 9 pounds, but I might switch to maintenance at that time and give myself a break after a year of getting on the scale everyday (I do - everyday).

But I won't get too far ahead of myself.

I'm relishing the now.

I did it. I reached my goal.

(and if I can - anybody can).

walk slow. xoxo.

innovate this.

2011-10-24T23:58:00.006+08:00

Lately I've been dreaming of Italy. Just 2 months ago I was frolicking around the Venician cobblestones. Feels like so long ago!

ahhhh....Venice....

Well today a few folks brought some Italian dust with them as the Italian Education companyEduLife rolled into town to attend/conduct a seminar on Entrepreneurial Education. As the time I spend in a Chine.se Uni becomes longer, I am becoming familiar with popular buzzwords (I am - after all - just an observer here). A few popular words with the natives are, "innovation," and "entrepreneur."

Now, I have a bajillion observations and feelings about all this - but the short version is this: when a society's education exists solely for the purpose of boosting economy and lacks any vision for human needs or societal justice - it. will. falter.

I am sick of hearing about economy and entrepreneurship and profit. I am an EDUCATION major. I care about educating people. About sharing information and knowledge. About creating a better world through education reform and educational systems based on honesty and forthrightness. Unfortunately, all of my ideals place me at exactly the opposite end of the spectrum as my host country whose only thought is, "money money money."

It was interesting to hear the Italian speakers present. A thought that stuck with me was that a small business should never be opened solely for the purpose of creating a profit - that businesses should be human centered and have a vision of creativity and gift to society, not just to suck money from customers.

While the Italians spoke of the importance for people-centered business and social obligations within a burgeoning society - the Chin.ese professors spoke about profit and the goals of Chi.na during this 10 year education reform (2010-2020 - as set by the gov).

My advisor was a key-note speaker and spoke about the idea that all Chin.ese students should be required to take an entrepreneur class as a required course in their undergrad. He spoke about the need for the Ch.inese to "innovate" and create, since while most things are made in Ch.ina, they are not developed here. Nothing comes from the Chi.nese people's brains, products just come from their factories.

My advisor also showed pictures of the Occupy Wallstreet riots and of protests in Libya and London. This made me angry because while he is showing this as a sign of unrest in democratic countries (besides Libya), he would never mention any unrest here in Chi.na. And if anyone were to try to speak their opinion - who knows what would happen. I wish the Occupy people realized how dumb they make America look abroad and how those news pictures can be construed in so many different ways by countries with different agendas. His agenda was, "dear little Chin.ese students, look at the unhappy people in other countries under non-Commie gov's...be happy where you are and stay quiet and peaceful."

I have absolutely no interest in entrepreneurship (or innovation for that matter). But I was required to attend the conference so that I would "give face" to the Chin.ese people. The more foreigners that were in attendance, the better the Chi.nese Uni looks.

My advisor is giving me the cold shoulder after my amazingly bad attitude via text this past week (yay). But I was able to mingle and meet the EduLife Italians and was invited to another even tomorrow afternoon.

At one point during a break, one of the Italians asked me about my experience in a Chine.se school. "It's...interesting," I said, trying to be diplomatic without lying. She nodded her head and looked at me understandingly. "Good choice of words," she smiled.

It was difficult because they all praised my advisor and told me how lucky I am to have him (apparently he is really famous in Chi.na, dear God.) I just bit my tongue and nodded my head and thought to myself, "If only you knew he was a creepy pervert and he might be missing balls by the time I graduate."

After the break, most of the Chine.se students had left, and those that were left were talking. I just kept thinking to myself what a waste for these Italians to fly all the way here.

You can give as many speeches as you want (and I'm not sure how much English was understood....especially with Italian accents) but if the culture of a country is unable to grasp the concepts of what you are saying (people-centered business, globally minded business originating from the start-up), then there is no point in coming. It all looks "Hooodyhoooo yay we are together - one world!," but if there is no real understanding or any principles that will be put into place - you might as well stay home.

What is true global teamwork if one side is unable to think like the other? Sharing of ideas takes two sides being open and able to understand - and I do not think that the Chine.se students are capable of understanding most of the points that were made by the Italian professors because they do not come from a system where they are taught to think critically or sympathetically.

All of this got me thinking about my dissertation and how culture really affects an educational system's ability for reform. What I'm dealing with here is not necessarily just values of education based on culture (what I plan to study), but also where those values come from, their ability to morph over time, and the potential of sharing information over a culture line. It was an "interesting" morning.

I came home looking like Mu Shu.....

Another random day in Chinatown. What the heck is my life?

I miss 'Merica. Land of the free (thinkers), baby.

walk slow. xoxo.

bits and pieces of happy.

2011-10-22T22:37:00.005+08:00

There are lots of things making me happy today. I'm trying to find them.

It's been a good, normal day - besides my advisor's texts about attending an, "entreprenuerial education" seminar on Monday - all day. I told him I can't go all day and that I do not give a crap about entrepreneurial anything, but he insists I go because there will be other foreigners there and I need to show my white face to make the school look good. Bah.

So, let's focus on the happy...

Friends and birthday parties make me happy.

Today's sunset made me happy. (so did the 800 natives who looked at me like I was crazy when I stopped biking to take this pic).

The back of this package of crackers makes me happy...

"It can serve as snacks during the breaks at school or work, and is undoubtedly the best choice for people working in the field, on business or sight-seeing trips on voyages, and the like."

This gigantic package of Walmart brand dried seaweed snacks makes me happy (I LOVE seaweed snacks!)...

And baby Mu Shu kitty makes me happy...

Today one of my students asked me to be their thesis advisor - this makes me nervous as well as happy. I do not feel completely qualified, but after some soul searching and asking of the question, "what does someone become qualified, does it come with age? And when does that happen?" I decided to go forward in discussions with the student and his direction of study. I have the same qualifications as many of the other professors, just not as many years of professional work experience, but someone will have to be my first advisee and why not start now?

And now I'm catching up on tv thanks to my VPN and drinking some tea...generally happy.

I hope you are too (happy. not necessarily the tv and tea part.)

walk slow. xoxo.

fancy time and baby time.

2011-10-21T19:29:00.002+08:00

Last night I remembered that I am just in my 20's (and not the old lady I often feel like) and put on my fancy pants for a night out with my fave dorm girls.

We attended a wine tasting event at an Italian restaurant - 100rmb (18 bucks) for 4 (small) glasses of wine. Yum. And because we are good smoozers and all speak Chin.ese - we chatted up a table of two Chin.ese dudes in suits who left early and gave us all their drink coupons! 6 glasses each - glad I saved calories for the evening!

I met some interesting and nice people and just enjoyed the evening with mah girls.

After 6 glasses of wine, we needed to dance it off - so off we went to a lame Chin.ese club where something hilarious happened. A ran into an old Chin.ese acquaintance, Dan Dan, whom I have not seen in a long time. After hugs and small Chin.ese talk, she leaned to my friend Yemi (below) and asked her what my name was. Yemi was like, "Um, that's Jessica." And Dan Dan was like, "What! That's Jessica? She got smaller!" (In Chin.ese she said, 她瘦了！- I'm not sure of the exact translation to English, nothing really translates perfectly, but the meaning is that I got smaller.)

Homegirl did not recognize me.

That. Is. Awesome. And strange. I'm a 5'10" redhead in Chi.na. Losing 25 el-bees should not make me unrecognizable, but for sweet Dan Dan, I was a stranger.

hahahahaha. That was great motivation to go to the gym this morning while battling a wine headache. Gotta work it.

Later this morning, regretting my decision to stay out late the night before I had to get up early, I took Hannah and her mom who is visiting from Wisconsin to the orphan hospital.

A group of 6 of us went to see Lin and the babies. I love telling people about the mission and work and about how awesome Lin is. They gave a gift of diapers and we played for about an hour - even getting to see some therapy sessions going on.

And of course the boys loved playing with the little people.

It was great to introduce some of my friends to my heart here in Ch.ina. None of the group except Hannah had been to see the babies before. It was a meaningful morning.

Then I hit the gym, did some errands, took a nap with my kitty cat, and now I'm off to a friend's birthday celebration! I promise I'll work tomorrow. :)

walk slow. xoxo.

randomness.

2011-10-20T00:27:00.003+08:00

Today was a good day.

I didn't go to my afternoon class - instead I stayed home and did my professor things like submit grades online, reply to student's online journals, and read student's observation responses.

(have I mentioned I like my job? :) )

Some other things I like today...

Mu Shu the King of all Kitties...I am thoroughly obsessed with this little cuddle bug...

I peeked through the pajama section of Walmart since Winter is coming and I have no heat - I might need to buy this for entertainment value, "Do You Have Any Needs?" ...

Honey Baked Lotus Root. I was gifted a bag of lotus root after Sunday's BBQ and had no idea what to do with it. Not wanting it to go to waste, I googled "lotus root recipes" and found this one:

Mix 1/3 cup honey and some grated ginger in a bowl, pour over 2 sliced lotus root. Bake for 15 minutes - rotating lotus slices half way through - wallah! YUM...

Wednesday night dinners. Every Wednesday me and some friend bike out to no-mans-land (one hour away) for our night class. 6:30 - 9pm "Chi.na Survey" taught in Chin.ese. It is Zhejiang Universityy's biggest campus (25,000 students at this one campus alone) and thus has tons of awesome street food, restaurants, and shops nearby catering to the students. We 3 meet for dinner before class each Wed. and this is quickly becoming one of my fave routines.

Tonight we had pizza...

In the beginning of class I sought out the other foreign student in the ed. department. He is the only other one - a dude from New Jersey doing his Master's in Adult Ed. He seems like a great guy and is very positive, so I wanted to pick his brain and have some of his positivity and motivation rub off on me.

During the first break in class (class is so long there are 2 breaks), we went for a little walk around the courtyard and I bemoaned my situation of hatred for class. I told him that I think he is being successful at this and I am not and asked him to give me some of his, "deal with Chi.na with a smile" pixie dust.

He looked me in the face and said, "What are you afraid of?"

I was like, HUH? I had never thought of it like this before, because in my mind I am not afraid of anything.

But suddenly a lot made sense to me. I'm afraid of being nitpicked for being different. I'm afraid of being in the way because I don't want special treatment - but need it. I'm afraid of my Chine.se not being good enough.

He told me that, "you have to make it fun." Which is exactly the opposite of what I've done - I've made it a living hell for myself by hiding in the back hoping no one sees me (ya right).

I was so thankful for our chat. I really took what he said to heart. Nothing he said was monumentally amazing, but I consider the source. Many of my friends at school have papers in English and classmates who help them. I do not.

But I do have a million resources. There are a dozen people related to school who are in positions that can help me understand, help me do my work, and help me be successful. But instead of tapping into my amazing resources, I have been avoiding - what I always do.

Our Wednesday professor rotates each week and this week's teacher was my head teacher from last Fall (who I was/am obsessed with). After class we had a chat and he asked me how things are going and expressed that I could seek him out if I ever need anything. And you know what? I'm going to do just that.

So while I don't feel happy-go-lucky about this whole school in Ch.ina thing (and probably never will), I do feel stabalized and generally positive again. Just gotta go to class next week. I have a good ally and role model in that classmate. Thank goodness no man is an island (or however that goes).

SO...changing topic...wanna see a video from my 2 hour commute to LinAn last week for a student observation? I thought the mountains outside the city were so pretty that I videotaped them, I was thinking that I really wanted my grandparents to see the views!

So here it is...random views from a bus...

walk slow. xoxo.

motivation. or the lack of.

2011-10-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

Emotions.

They suck sometimes.

I'm in a high of life and a lull of school and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I have zero motivation for school.

Like, zero. Zilch. Nadda. Ling.

I have more motivation to pick my butt than to do anything related to my school.

I think it's a joke. If they emailed me tomorrow I have to leave, I think I would just email back, "ok." That's how numb I am to this whole thing.

The problem is that I have a job I love. I want to just work here and be happy. This whole school thing is crampin' my style. Sitting in class not understanding, being handed books you can't read, and getting text messages you don't understand is not my idea of awesome. And I think getting your PhD should be awesome. Or at least educational.

The problem is I am not learning anything. I'm not learning Chin.ese. I'm not learning education. I am learning how to deal with the ridiculous school system here, but that's about it.

I don't want to go to class tomorrow. The thought of it is repulsive to me. Being stared at by ignorant classmates who know nothing of the outside world and being told by my teacher that I am, "not one of them," doesn't sound like the way I want to spend my afternoon. If I go, I will cry. Or be really rude. If I do not go, then I risk not passing the class (but how can you pass a class you do nothing in? This boggles my mind).

The thing with these emotions is that I want them to change.

I explained it to a friend recently, that it is like the experience is an umbrella. The umbrella is in tact and sturdy, but there are ways for rain to get in around the sides. And I need to cover the sides. The sides are all the small feelings and circumstances, but the main idea, the umbrella, stays firm.

I know I won't quit. But I'm apathetically moving down a path that is not good (not going to class, avoiding my class monitor's phone calls, not doing an online test, and texting my advisor that I don't care.) These are not good behaviors, but they are how I'm dealing with my feelings of nonchalance.

I hope this passes soon. That I wake up with a spurt of gumption and desire to do this degree to the best of my ability - however that looks in a Chin.ese environment.

I don't want to have the end of the year arrive and me regret a decision I made based on emotions or lack of motivation. These little decisions add up to something big, and I don't want to have my attitude change later on and then regret something I did during this lull. I'm aware of the umbrella - but feeling the water sprinkle in.

But until it passes, I am asking myself these questions:

When do you tell yourself to suck it up and keep going and not be a quitter, and at what point do you decide that maybe something just isn't for you and there is another path that is better? When do you know to give up something that makes you unhappy? And when do you put your head down and grin and bear it?

I just don't know.

walk slow. xoxo.

quality time.

2011-10-17T00:51:00.002+08:00

On my first trip to Chi.na in 2007, we made a pit stop in the capitol of the Muslim Autonomous Region on our way back home.

There, we met with a family who was in Chi.na with a group and a Purpose. We sat in their clean, nice living room on a college campus and chatted with them for a few hours before hopping on a train. They fed us baked goods and melons and soda and we salivated like we had never seen such goodness (because for a month, we had not). I remember several details from the visit that continue to impact my life abroad.

We were asking the mom, a woman probably in her late 20's, early 30's, what it was like to do "M" work in Chi.na. She answered that it was like real life, she gets up and has her coffee. There are good days and bad days. She talks with people and makes friends. She chats with her house keeper and stands outside the Chi.nese kindergarten waiting for her children with the Chi.nese moms and grandma's.

She replied that you do every day things when living this life - just remembering that your actions are meaningful and purposeful.

I'll never forget that and I have been sustained by those words repeatedly over the past 3 years.

I get up and I have my coffee. I make friends. I have quality relationships. I talk when I should and ask questions when I feel it's appropriate. And I listen. Always listening to hear the people's stories. To know them. To make the Work more meaningful.

So when my friend asked me to join a Chin.ese Fellowship in a BBQ in the park, I jumped at the opportunity.

Meaningful friendships. Quality time and discussions. Real life activities.

Here's some pics from today:

A bear in the woods!

workers preparing for the autumn flower show...

Chin.ese BBQ's are quite different...(messier, louder, not much rhyme or reason - like everything else)...

some of the girls washing veggies...

me and my dear, dear friend posing with our eggplants on a stick that we ripped with our hands...

the table (half of that is in my fridge right now)...

chillin, waiting for the food to cook....

sweet potatoes, meat on a stick, green beans on a stick...

me being a doof as always, walking around in make-shift paper socks because the mosquitoes were killing me, watching/talking while the others do all the work, haha...

I never in my young life thought that I would one day be sitting in a park in Ch.ina discussing the Old Testament while pouring MSG over lotus root and eggplant. But alas, the unexpected always happens.

Then I came home, played with my cat, and went to the gym. All in all a good day. A meaningful day.

One of those days that makes me wonder how I could ever leave these people and this meaningful work. One of those days that keeps me here - just a little bit longer.

walk slow. xoxo.

the pet market.

2011-10-15T18:26:00.007+08:00

Forget everything I've ever told you.

Ok, maybe not everything, but definitely my kitty cat's name.

Mao Mao has a new moniker! After a short chat via Skype with my sister and some googling, kitty baby's name is....Mu Shu.

Recognize the name? It's the dragon from Mulan, and also the name of a popular pork dish in Chi.na, haha.

I think the name fits this time. For some reason, with this pet no name seemed to mesh well! He's been called Mi Mi, Oliver, Xiao Bai, Xiao Hu, and then Mao Mao. Now, it's Mu Shu and it's gonna stick.

Today I went on a search for some toys for Mu Shu. The pet industry is still developing in Ch.ina, so pet supplies and care are not easy to find commodities. I've been able to get kitty litter in the grocery store, but the poor little dude was in need of some toys since he is left alone most of the day!

He hasn't hurt anything, but I have been coming home to shoes on the other side of the room and underwear from my dirty laundry strown across the floor. Little dude needs something to entertain himself with besides my things.

I went back to the market where he came from and went store to store seeing what they had and asking prices. Some people's pricing was outrageous because I am a foreigner. I went back to the lady I bought my cat carrier from and she gave me a fair deal on some small toys - little furry mice, a small rubber ball, a fish-shaped scratching toy, and a stick with a furry thing on the end. I made sure to chat with her so that she would remember be, then told her that I would be doing my cat business with her. In an economy where ou bargain for every little thing - it pays to make friends. I now have a cat lady friend. haha.

I'm adding her to my list of friends - the pearl lady, jade lady, hair people, foot massager, nail people, fruit stand people, bread man, and now....cat lady.

I also have a...cat bed man! Remember the dog bed exporter to Target guy who I met at Michael's wedding? I called him today and told him I had a cat and asked him if I could buy some of his products. (it's good guanxi to keep business within friend circles). He told me he's in a nearby town on business and next week when he gets back I can go to the factory and pick out whatever I want for free! Weeee I hope that happens, I hope the dog bed man pulls through, haha.

Anyways, beside the pet market is a dog groomer/boarder/shop and I peaked in to see what it was like. It was very nice, very expensive, and very clean compared to the market. I bought some Whiskies snacks and didn't notice that on the package it says for cats 6 months and older, haha. I guess Mu Shu is waiting til February to eat those treats.

I met the people and got the prices for boarding - in case I go back to America this winter (or next Summer).

If I go away for a few days, I'll just have friends watch him, people are excited about having a cat in the friend circle. But if I leave for an extended time, I would feel better boarding him just for convenience. It is 50rmb a day for a small cat (about 9 dollars). Totally doable. I'm glad to know I have a boarder, now I just need to find a vet. Because I definitely have scratches, and he definitely has not had shots (yikes).

I am currently asking around about vets because I have 2 friends with horror stories at vets in town - both resulting in death from routine visits. So, finding a vet is a serious thing for me - it's going to be hard to trust someone when the time comes to take his manhood (in 4 months).

I spent the rest of the afternoon doing laundry because the weather was insanely gorgeous today. This is the best time of the year in Hangzhou. Now I am waiting for my tutoring kid who is 30 minutes late! Her mom is out of town, and she told me that this week her dad would bring her and we would still have class. But it looks like that is not happening and I stayed home this afternoon for no reason. Father's of the world, step up! Things should not fall apart when mom leaves town - and I want my 30 bucks for tutoring!

Oh well. If they don't show up soon, I'm off to the gym after finishing some paper work for work. Then to foot massage with a friend's mom who is in town. (mom, come back! Come meet Mu Shu!)

Wanna see a Chine.se pet market? Sure ya do...

View from the street entrance, stores on the left and cages of dogs on the right...

I was afraid to take pics because I thought people might get mad at me (it isn't the cleanest place and they know that foreigners treat dogs differently, so I was nervous they would take offense to me taking pics). So these are all stealthily taken...more doggies in cages piled up...

I want to say that while the place smells bad and is not the picture of cleanliness (where in China is??), I do not think that they mistreat the dogs. There is just a difference in cultural ideas of space (we Westerners love personal space as people, and for our animals. You would probably be upset at the big dogs in little cages). Space and cleanliness aside, I think these people really do care for the animals and I never saw anyone treat an animal badly.

If you are wondering about animal prices - some cats were up to 500USD and dogs ranged from 250USD to 1000USD based on breed. I paid 30 bucks for my cat - the cheapest one on the block.

I went into this store and found a lady (the only worker present) sleeping with a dog in her lap. The other dog on the right is hooked up to an IV. (see it?) Dogs outside were all barking and she was just sleeping away.

Biking home, I had to snap a pic because they sky was blue today!!! So rare and amazing.

And I came home to this...a baby Mu Shu kitty sitting on my couch waiting for me in my dorm room...

Yay for pets. And name changes. And fair bargainers. And business friends. And blue sky.

walk slow. xoxo.

more.

2011-10-14T23:57:00.004+08:00

Today...

More student observations...

More huge Chi.nese universities visited...

More happiness by giving myself a lunch break and taking myself to the mall...

More bathroom self-portraits, (my curly hair is coming back!!!)...

More hours on the public bus...

More evening snackage - tonight in the form of black corn by the West Lake with my friend Jess. We got our hair done and then biked to the lake for corn, along the way running into Michael on the street! Happy times.

More pics of the dragon boat - I swear I have 8 million of this exact pic over the past 3 years...

More life.

walk slow. xoxo.

calm. breathe. smile.

2011-10-13T23:10:00.003+08:00

Today was a normal day in Chinaville. But I feel the need to update you that things have picked up just as they were pre-sobbing on the side of the street.

I woke up really late today because I stayed up toooo late reading! I'm reading Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. One of my sister's roomies sent it to me because she knows I live in Chin.a and English books are hard to come by. (so nice). I am resolving myself to some "free reading" (aka - NOT Chin.ese) during the semester to help me remember who I am and to keep my English skills high (seriously, you lose English after ling-term living abroad). I often think of a word first in Chinese then have to translate it. This is an issue. Time to read.

Anyways, I did some work online for my professor-ship and then headed out into the rainy, dreary day to the hospital. Today our lesson was on "physical and personal attributes." I wanted to pump them full of describing words.

There was a student who I have not seen in a long time (since last year). She exclaimed over my weight loss and told me, "You have loss your fat! Only now you are just very chubby!"

I was impressed she knew the word chubby. And then turned her statement around in my head for a quick recovery so I didn't take a march toward self-hateville. "I have lost weight, my body is strong, my pants are being held up by a safety pin. Calm. Breathe. Smile."

The class went really well. The international secretary whatever person came to discuss my editing of the hospital english website and history book. I've been carrying around a manila envelope with papers ridden of bad medical Chinglish and its my job to, "make it beautiful."

It's been an adventure in language, that's for sure.

The last part of our conversation revolved around writing a mission statement and vision statement for the hospital. They want me to do it, based off their suggestions. Oh dear.

After going back and forth on what should and shouldn't be said in a mission statement, it came down to me looking the secretary in the face and saying, "Just write, 'Mission Statement - We love Chi.na. Number One Country Or Bust.' "

Um, ya. She didn't understand me - thank goodness.

Then she handed me more papers to edit for next week. I think she saw the tiredness in my face when she handed them over because she said she, "admires that I have so much to do."

Don't admire it honey....it's called being an American and gettin' crap done. I'm plowing through this year having 3 jobs and school. It's manageable (kinda) and my jobs are what fulfill my need of purpose and happiness.

And - I got paid for the first time since June! Ha-le-lu-jah!!!! Things have been ridiculously tight around here. I haven't wanted to bring up money, but last month ended with me having less than 6 dollars in my Chin.ese bank account. Times have been tough waiting to get paid. And it stinks to work all the time and never see any financial payback. Of course I love my jobs more than any other asect of my life (amazing to be able to say that) but I can't work for free. There's no real schedule to when I get paid since I'm under the table (shhh), so I just go to work and wonder when I'll see the little white envelope with "Jassica" written on it!

After work I hit the gym for some sanity. I love that place. I always feel better when I leave. My body's been on a plateau for about 3 weeks which is suuuper frustrating. But we (me and body) are working through it - mentally and physically.

I hopped over some puddles, onto a bus, and here I sit blogging instead of preparing for my work tomorrow. :) Life is back to "normal."

Also...

I have a kitty. I have a kitty. I have a kitty, hey hey hey hey.

I'm going to finish preparing for work, then go read in bed with my secret snuggle buddy, Mr. Mao. Someone call me at midnight to make me turn off my lights! (jk)

walk slow. xoxo.

when it all adds up.

2011-10-13T14:10:00.003+08:00

This week has been Grade A nutso.

I am finishing up my student observations this week which means a lot of travel added onto my normal life of school, online work, and teaching.

Tuesday I headed out to a city an hour away to observe some students who live in Nowheresville, Chi.na. (poor souls).

I left my home at 7am, went to the wrong bus station because there are 2 bus stations with the same name, missed the right bus, and got to the city with 10 minutes before the class I was observing was supposed to start.

I asked the bus driver where the campus was (my student said it was close), and took off running in my heels, grasping my laptop case, and getting awesome looks from the natives.

Because it takes asking 800 people to get proper directions in this country, I ended up turned around and lost, calling out to shop keepers, street-side tailors, and old people on walks to get directions.

Finally an old man grabbed my elbow and looked at me very intently. "You want to go to *name of campus*?" "yes, can you tell me where it is?" I responded, shocked that an old person understood me and was helping me (so not normal). He pointed me in the direction and followed me down the road (me running, him briskly walking meters behind me) yelling out, "I talked to the foreigner!" I smiled to myself, wiped the sweat from my brow, and continued to panic about what a horrible professional I am.

I made it to the class 13 minutes late and apologized profusely.

I pulled myself together for the 6 hours of observations, and took about 2 horus to get home because of traffic and bus changes.

Once home I crashed for about 30 minutes and played with Mao Mao. (kitty is turning out to be such a presh-head and great life addition, btw).

Then I was off to the campus I study at to get a copied book from my class monitor. I was emotionally drained and easily perturbed when he gave me wrong directions to where he was waiting for me.

When I finally found him, he handed me a 300 page Chi.nese book and informed me that I was to give a presentation on 3 chapters of it the next day (yesterday). He then added, "But I don't think you can read it, haha."

I lost it.

I walked away from him. Got on my bike. And made it out of the campus gate and 100 meters down the road before I broke into uncontrollable sobs.

Break Down 2k12 commenced.

I actually thought about videotaping myself because in the moment it was so funny to me. Stopped in the bike lane. Asians biking by staring. A huge redhead on a pink bike sobbing and snotting like a maniac.

My mom called at one point in the break down. I love my mom. She listened to my illogical, though understandable, rant.

Basically, all the little stuff added up. When I am in an emotional lull, I tend to feel trapped and this makes me hysterical. In that moment I was thinking,

"I was late to work, I am a failure. I can't read the books, why am I even here? I can't talk to my advisor because he wants to sleep with me. I am scared of him and how he makes me feel. I can't leave this major because he will never agree. The only choice I have is to leave or stay adn be miserable. If I quit my PhD program how will I explain this stint to a future employer? What will my life become if I leave? Is this worth it? I am alone and have nothing to go back to, (job-wise). Why can't I just stay here and work? But if I just stay here and work my long-term goals that require a PhD will never come to fruition. I have this amazing gift that sounds great but sucks to live out. God - why?"

Blah Blah Blah.

It took a good night's rest and a morning-after-break down call from my mom for me to feel more balanced. I know where it all came from, I was overwhelmed by the Chin.ese assignment that was thrown on me, was over-tired, and hadn't had adequate quiet/down time in that day. I feel much better now. I did not go to that class yesterday, only my night class that is a 50 min bike ride away.

I rode along the river with my friend to class. Along the way I ran into 2 of my favorite students from 2 years ago, and 30 minutes later ran into another student from 3 years ago. I had a giddy smile on my face after those encounters. Quite the opposite bike ride as the night before. I forever will have a corner of my heart dedicated to my past Chin.ese university students.

While we were biking, I expressed to my friend some thoughts I had earlier in the day while at the gym. I realize that life is not about making me happy or comfortable. That my happiness is not the number one priority or reason for me living. But in being faithful, in perseverance, we find a deeper joy. It's a weird feeling. While I do not (lately - this week) have an exterior happiness, I do have an unexplainable deep contentment that my life is ordained. I am completely unhappy with my school, with (most of) the Chi.nese people around me, I bump heads with this culture, and hate my living situation...but I am aware that it is my calling and that no one else can live my life but me. (and no one else can live your life but you.)

Just some thoughts.

Today I have been home reading and am about to head off to work at the hospital. I feel balanced, rested, and almost-ok with the state of the union. :)

Here's some pics from student observations

"Welcome to the School of Foreign Languages"

Zhejiang Agriculture and Forestry University, gorgeous...

riding the ghetto bus, trying not to get my dress dirty by touching anything...

the bus stop to head back to Hangzhou, where I was running like a maniac...

my Wednesday night class at the far, far away campus. "Chi.na Survey." It is mandatory for all students studying for a degree. I have to take the Chi.ese-taught one because I work during the English-taught class. Notice the entire class is Koreans. There are maybe 5 non-Asian students. It is 3 hours of blah blah blah about how great Chi.na is.

So that's that, dear blog. Another brutally honest life update. This is real stuff.

walk slow. xoxo.

Mao Mao and social gatherings.

2011-10-10T22:33:00.007+08:00

Today was another day heading to the outskirts of civilization to observe a student's class.

The class went really well and I was really happy about my job (as per usual).

Tomorrow I get to go even further to a city 1.5 hours away and observe 2 more students. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to get there tomorrow - I'm always nervous about transportation details, especially when I am the teacher and CANNOT be late. I feel like after a million years in Chinaville I am going to be a pro at any cities transportation system. At least that's one thing goin' for me, huh? ;)

After work I came home and c-r-a-s-h-e-d.

And woke up with this little dude sleeping next to me making baby sounds!

The final decision on his name is....Mao Mao! For a few hours this afternoon he was Oliver. But then after some consultation and realizing the name doesn't fit his personality, it got reverted back to a Chin.ese name and Mao Mao was the final answer.

The people in the market were calling him "Mimi" (secret), so I think keeping it close to those sounds is better for him, anyways.

We are bonding pretty well. When I left to meet a frind for dinner tonight I waited to see what he did, and he came to the door crying. I came in and out of the door 3 times and he cried every time I left. I am hoping these are baby behaviors that he will grow out of (or else I might get caught sooner than I think.) But I think it's precious that he likes me so soon. A few other friends came over tonight and he played with them, so I think I got a good one - or at least he's social and friendly.

Tonight was another blogging fail in that I did not have my camera with me! That keeps happening to me!

My friend and I were outside of our alley way heading to a store and noticed hoards of people, large lights, banners, and a zillion police in lines.

Our immediate reaction was, "oh no, stay far away."

Any time there is a gathering of Chin.ese people or many policemen in one place it is discomforting. Because who knows what the crap is going on and you for sure do not want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

We stood for a second to take in the situation and read the signs. It was a dance (or performance something) being held outside our school's main gate for the upcoming Chi.na Disabled Games (this Wednesday).

It is interesting that whenever there is a performance or large gathering, there are soooo manyyyy police. We mentioned it looked like one police for every bystander (for real). They really have this place under lock and key. What is going on in the US right now (wallstreet whatever?) would last for maybe 1 second here and would end in those people disappearing.

(and can we all agree that Americans should be more thankful for what they have in terms of rights?)

My friend and I did have a good laugh saying under our breath...."Viva La Facebook!" "We want Youtube! We want Youtube!" Then we scampered back to our dorm laughing/commenting about culture and government and life.

And Mao Mao was waiting for us when we arrived at our dorm.

And now I will finish a Chin.ese online test with the background music of a hoard of N. Koreans singing down the hall and clapping off tune.

One day I will be sitting in my comfortable, carpeted, central air'd home in America. I will listen to crickets and gaze at the stars and sit on a comfy sofa. And will miss nights like this - in a Chin.ese dorm. Stressed about bus routes to nearby cities. Drowning out N. Koreans because their ruckus is scaring my cat.

My cat named Mao Mao.

walk slow. xoxo.

old cat lady.

2011-10-09T23:07:00.004+08:00

Today was an interesting/awesome day.

It was also a blogging failure of a day because I forgot my camera at home and therefore don't have pics of the awesomness.

I'll show you a pic from yesterday to make up for the lack of pics from today. This is my neighborhood. The weather has been a-ma-zing lately, 70s and kind of sunny. It's the last of our dress weather until the cold, unforgiving winter hits, so I'm wearing the heck out of my dresses until the time comes to bring out the tights.

This gorgeous weather also means that everyones clothes are being hung out to dry en mass:

I like sunny laundry days.

Now, without further ado, I would like to introduce you to my new little friend...

This box was brought home from a market today. I spent 3 hours at the market with 3 friends debating this decision. In the end, I went for it and ended up with this little box tucked away in a bag hanging from my shoulder on a bike ride home.

So what's inside?....

...my new (so far nameless) baby kitten!

I'm officially an old cat lady.

I've been needing a pet lately. Or a man. But a pet is far easily attainable in this land of yellow nose-pickers.

So today after the gym, I got on my bike, called up a friend, and ended up at a pet market. We stared at fish, turtles, hamsters, birds, and a whole aisle of really sad dog stores (pet care and pet rights are very different here).

We were about ready to leave empty handed when we stumbled upon this little guy.

He was cheap. I asked the seller why he was so cheap and she got a little huffy at me. According to her, the cat is her friend's cat's baby. Her friend bred her cat and then gave the left over babies to her to sell at her store at the market. He was so cheap because he was given to her.

He is 8 weeks old and has apparently already had shots, but I have to take him in next month for more? Not too sure on that. She clipped his nails, sold me some food, and off I went on my bike with a kitty hanging from my shoulder.

I plan to get him checked out by a vet this week (once I find one).

The thing is...I'm not allowed to have a pet in the dorm and the little sucker keeps crying! Any tips on how to get the little guy to shhhhhhh? He cries in his litter box, he cried when I took a shower, and he cries when he forgets where his food bowl is. I am hoping that he is just adjusting and will grow out of his crying.

I will be gone all day tomorrow doing student observations, so I hope he doesn't cry all day while I am gone. If I get found out I'm not sure what will happen. (although I'm not scared of the dorm guards, I just don't want to have to get rid of him this soon).

I see there being a few different ways this pet-situation could go. 1. he gets sicker than I can afford. 2. he claws everything and I give him away. 3. the dorm guards find out and I have to give him away. OR what I am hoping for...we spend a great next 3 years together and I take him home to America to be a part of my family until he is old and gray. I'm really hoping for a long term experience with this little dude (as opposed to when I had a rabbit in Ch.ina a few years ago...that didn't end so well :/ )

For now I am enjoying him and thinking of names! I want him to have a Chi.nese name and one that is easily said by people who don't speak Chi.nese.

So far I've got:

1. Xiao Hu (little tiger)

2. Xiao Bai Hu (little white tiger)

3. Zhu Zhu (pearl pearl)

4. Di Di (little brother)

5. Mao Mao (cat cat - also can mean, furry)

Which name do you like for my new little dormmate??

Wish me and kitty luck not getting caught! (I am WAY too old to be caring about dorm rules, fyi).

walk slow. xoxo.

old cat lady.

2011-10-09T23:07:00.000+08:00

back in the game.

2011-10-08T23:54:00.002+08:00

Whoa, holy no-blogging streak!

Well no worries, friends, I'm back in the game.

Things have been weird around here because there was a week holiday for Chin.ese National Day. My "routine" is completely thrown off.

I've been staying up way too late, sleeping in way too late, getting 8 million blind massages, ignoring my Chin.ese homework, cleaning/tutoring/gym-ing a lot, and contemplating/researching getting a pet (cat, rabbit, gerbil, fish...any suggestions for a dorm pet?)

Here's a little story for ya.

Every Saturday night I tutor my ex-bosses teenage daughter. Nini comes to my dorm with her daughter Yi. While Yi and I sit on my little 2-seater couch, Nini goes on my computer and enjoys my VPN (service that allows me behind the Chin.ese FireWall).

It is always entertaining to go into my computer after they leave and see what she has searched for.

Today it was in this order: (typos are hers)

how to loss weight

pancreas cancer

Florida beech

Facekook

how to control weight

npr

American video

antibiotic

She makes me laugh. Such a funny, strange, inquisitive woman.

I promise more stories and a regular blogging schedule. Regular working schedule/school starts Monday! (blah)

walk slow. xoxo.

My Best Friend's Wedding: Ceremony and After Party

2011-10-03T13:05:00.004+08:00

Continuing on...

Around 5:30 the bride and groom were ready to meet and greet the guests as they arrive. Michael and Li Er Su stood facing the elevators and waited for their guests. As guests arrived, they handed Michael a "hong bao" (red envelope) filled with money. Michael then gave this to his groomsman and then the guests and the bride and groom took pictures.

The tradition of the hong bao was something that was a thorn in my side for awhile. Basically, Chinese people do not give wedding gifts. There is no registry, gift table, etc. You give a red envelope filled with money - the closer of friends you are, the more money you give. And it's a lot. If I were to have given a hong bao, it would have had to have at least 200$ in it.

The idea is not that it is a gift, but that it is like putting money in the bank. When you get married, you get that money back, so it is given equally from both parties. In my case, as a foreigner, Michael told me not to give him a hong bao because it would be awkward. The thought is that because he will probably not attend my wedding, that he will never "re-pay" the hong bao and this is bad juju.

After much turmoil, (gift giving is SO not my love language, I suck at gifts so gifts in a different culture is stressful for me), I decided on a french press coffee machine. I even went to the bank the morning of the wedding and stared at my bank balance. Currently at about $300 to last me through the month of October. I wondered if I could do it- give a hong bao and survive the month. But realized that giving a hong bao was not just not my culture, but also I couldn't afford it. :(

Me and the happy couple during the photo session:

As guests arrived and were seated at round tables, I made my way around the room talking with people from the hospital that I casually know either from orphan work or English class. It felt like a big reunion.

Then at the lucky time of 18:18pm, the wedding ceremony began. Weddings in Chi.na are worlds apart from weddings in America. The bride wore white for a small part of the ceremony, and they said "Wo Yuanyi" (I do), but other than that, everything was different.

Take a look at the bride's entrance:

Weddings in China are a business deal between families. There isn't the sweet love factor that is felt at weddings in the West (don't hate me for generalizing). This wedding was about money, show-ey-ness, and showing off. There was loud music, lights, games, (no dancing), and lots of food and alcohol and smoking by the males.

The "ceremony" itself lasted about 5 minutes. Then we ate and there were some games on the stage. Michael's parents made their way around the room toasting every table and then Michael and Er Su also made their way around. Traditionally, guests can leave after they have toasted the couple. By the time Michael made his way to our table in the back (me and some nurses hid out in the back, rather than at the table we were assigned to), he was tipsy and hilarious.

There were a few snaffews, including a period of time where the bride and groom got mad at each other and left the room for a few minutes, but in the end I think Michael was happy with the party.

I asked May why Michael was going so overboard with the festivities (boat, food, venue, etc) and she answered, "he wants 'mian zi'." Mian Zi is the Chin.ese idea of "face." So many interesting cultural ideas were at play for me to watch and absorb.

But outside of being a cultural observer (and being so thankful to NOT be a Chin.ese person,) I was so happy to be with my besties. Two of my other close Chi.nese friends, May and Judy, had never met. They both know Michael, so we all abandoned our tables to sit together. It made me happy to have two of my dear friends meet. They are all such wonderful, amazing people and are so special to me. To be in a room with many of my fave Ch.inese people from over the years was so special.

(May, Me, Michael, Judy)...

My and Wei's baby (a former student), Me and Wendy, a table of doctor students, and Me and Dr. Li, one of the best pediatric heart surgeons in Asia, (Michael's boss and my friend).

The guests trickled out after they finished eating, but the best friends stayed and continued toasting and hanging out.

We then made our way out into the rain to KTV. Michael had rented two VIP rooms - one for his friends and one for her friends. And there we stayed and drank and ate and danced until 3am.

Before the party I had resigned myself to two things: I would be one of the last to leave, and I would not bow out of the drinking early. There are many things I have to think of before these kind of events - what to wear, phrases to know how to say, etc. and one cultural thing I knew was that as a bff, I had to drink a lot and had to outlast other mediocre friends.

And it was so fun.

I made a lot of interesting acquaintances during those 6 hours of drinking at KTV. At one point I was nestled between a gay immigration officer who was telling me stories of Americans he knows in Chin.ese jail, and the Target exporter guy who was telling me he would give me any dog related products if only I go to dinner with him.

I pranced around the couches and joined in with singing Chin.ese songs when I knew them. It was so fun to just hang with my friends and not have to be the "foreigner." Michael and his bride went back and forth between the two rooms, but mostly the bride just attended to her drunk bridesmaids. Parties in Chi.na quickly turn into drunk-fests, (such a drinking culture). and I am so glad I don't have weak-drinking Asian genes. This American tanker was the most composed of all the guests! Even after drinking my weight in green tea and whisky. The sad thing is that this kind of drinking is expected. I knew if I didn't drink, that Michael would not be happy.

I saved all the guys' business cards so if I ever need an immigration officer or dog beds, I know who to call! haha.

The night ended with me and Michael crying and hugging in the corner, "I can't believe you are married," I told him. "Me either! I love the single life!" he replied.

His own dreams for his life aside, he's a married man now. And according to Chin.ese tradition, they must become preggers in the next year.

I had many emotions about the wedding, the day itself, and now in hindsight. I don't even know how to tell the stories. There's so many levels.

I am incredibly happy for my friend. I am sad for my friend. I mostly just want the best for my friend. I want blessings and joy and peace in his life.

And I'm thankful to be along for the ride.

That's what (best) friends are for.

walk slow. xoxo.

My Best Friend's Wedding: Pre-Wedding

2011-10-02T16:44:00.010+08:00

I have stared at my computer screen for the past 15 minutes trying to figure out how to tell this story.

It needs to be told. Because, oh man's it's a good one. But I don't know if I can do it justice. There is humor, history, friendship, culture, thankfulness, sadness, growth, justice, and most importantly - love - in this story.

It's the story of my best friend's wedding. All 16 hours of it.

But it's also deeper than that. It's a story of inclusion. Of long-lasting and mature friendship. A story of language and patience and persistance.

It's a story where I find myself in a room of 250 Chi.nese people and don't feel strange, odd, or on display.

It's a story where I'm surrounded by people I love and just happen to not be the same culture/nationality/native language speaker as any of them.

So I guess it's mostly a story of realness.

So how do I tell this story? Let's start with some pictures from the pre-wedding festivities...

The story begins with a rainy bike ride to Michael's house where his closest friends and family were lounging and eating and doing whatever frantic things Asians do before weddings.

We ate and talked, I knew many of the people from the hospital, and then the "best best friends" got into rented Audi's decorated with flowers and wedding symbols. I got to ride in the wedding procession! My friend May and I and one of Michael's college classmates were in a car together. Michael's classmate works for a company who exports dog beds to Target. He turned around and asked me, "do you know Target?" I about tackled him with happiness and then got a touch homesick for a store where I can actually buy things conveniently.

At this point, Michael was in a suit and his bride, Li Er Su, was in traditional Chin.ese garments. (there were many costume changes).

We drove to the Grand Canal (that extends from HZ to Beijing) and got into a boat. We rode along the Grand Canal, past many famous HZ sights for about an hour. On board we ate fruit and took pictures and I people watched. Michael's uncle and I chatted for awhile and I told about 3 family members I will tutor their kids. (no choice but to say yes in that situation - but I doubt they will all call).

It was still raining, but everyone was in a great mood. I explained that rain on your wedding day is a good omen in America, and this seemed to make Michael happy. I overheard him explaining this to several people during the boat ride. haha.

After the boat docked, we got back into our flowered vehicles and had a procession to the hotel where the wedding party was located. We were 3 hours early. Apparently, the bride and groom's closest friends are just supposed to follow them around all day with periods of nothingness in between. Luckily, my dear friend May and I were together, so we had fun. We wandered around the hotel, talked, and held people's babies for them while they finished setting up the banquet hall.

One huge difference that I noticed was that the day was not all about the bride - but rather, the groom. Michael was Groom-zilla. He planned everything and was even telling people what to do when we got to the banquet hall. May told me it is because his bride, "is very young and cannot think about these things." She is 22 years old and incredibly soft spoken and mild in personality. I wish we could be friends, but it'll never happen. I'm too close to Michael and she's too scared of me (as a foreigner). Nobody seemed to pay any attention to her except her two bridemaids. The day was definitely all about Michael - just the way he likes it, haha.

Soon, the bride and groom disappeared to change into their wedding party clothes and May and I sat for another hour waiting for the guests to arrive.

In the quietness during this lull in the excitement, I reflected on how special it was to be a part of the "inner circle" of a Chi.nese wedding and how thankful I am for my close Chin.ese friends.

I thought about how in the past three years I've gone from foreign commodity to true friend. I thought about how none of this would have been possible without a long term commitment to Chi.na. I thought about the first time I met Michael - October, 2008. He climbed into the back of my mentor Caxie's car, gave me a bottle of wine, and asked me to be his English teacher. Little did I know then, but I was meeting one of the most pivotal people in my Chi.na life.

Three years later, I'm in the cars with flowers on top that I've seen almost every weekend since moving to Chi.na, following him to his wedding ceremony.

I am so thankful for the chance to be at my best friend's wedding. That just happened to be in Ch.ina.

(ceremony and the 6 hour after party re-cap to come tomorrow...)

walk slow. xoxo.

j-o-b

2011-09-29T23:50:00.003+08:00

Today in a nutshell, (remember, brevity?):

Student visitations: 3

Times I said the phrases, "Learning Chin.ese culture is key to your success as a foreign teacher": several

Chin.ese universities visited: 2

Hours spent as an observer of an English class: 4.5

Hours spent as a teacher of an English class: 2

Hours commuting in a bus/taxi: 3.5

Hospital students in class: 8

Minutes spent deciphering the term, "Maple Syrup Urine Disease" from a hospital publication: 18

Hours spent online as "Professor Jessica" after returning home from all this hullabaloo: 3

Texts from my creepy professor: 5

Times I wanted to reach through the phone and cut off his balls: 5 million

Bottles of boiling water drunken from water machines at Chi.nese universities: 6

Lost cups of yogurt because I accidentally left my fridge cracked open all day: 2

Times during the day I thought to myself, "I love my job I love my job I love my job": a lot

Hours I want to sleep tonight: 9 million

Amount of times I will regret this blog post because it's just thrown out there into internet world without any care where it lands: unknown

Pics:

Today was another jaunt around to different universities to check on my masters students and observe some classes and grade them. It's fun. I like it.

(Chinese uni's are all the same, big, grungy, and in need of a good bleach scrub)...

I was feelin' super sassy this morning apparantly because I snapped this pic of myself in the uni bathroom before observing an 8am Business English class. I don't even remember taking this picture, but I know what I must have been thinking, "I lost 25 pounds and I will take my picture whenever I feel like it, dang it. And I'm lookin fine in my 2004 Target old lady/wrap dress and I'm even wearing a slip, so now is a great time for a pic even though there are Asians pooping 2 feet away in those stalls.")

Ya. Something like that.

Then I put on my "teacher hat" and enjoyed re-living the glory days when I was a foreign teacher and life was easy and wonderful. Well, I thought it was hard then, but little did I know what was coming (isn't every stage of life like this?)

Now I'M the observer giving grades. I'm the one with the "answers." I have to stop myself from giggling sometimes when I'm working because I'm so tickled that this is for real.

Then I headed back into downtown to teach a class at the hospital. We discussed Chine.se medicine and giving diagnosis' in English for scenarios that I made up while riding the bus. (ex. Sally's daughter was bitten by a dog. The cut is 1 inch deep and won't stop bleeding. What should her mom do?) Then I grabbed another bus and came home for some e-work - finishing up the observation forms/grades from today and zipping them off to my students.

Now I'm here telling you about it. And chuckling to myself.

I'm so tired. I love my job(s).

walk slow. xoxo.

the soul of wit.

2011-09-28T22:52:00.004+08:00

My mom's been saying something to me a lot recently when I ramble/complain/whine/verbal diarrhea to her on the phone...

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

(photo: the sky looking amazingly fabulous this afternoon on my 45 minutes bike ride from one campus to another...)

So, in the theme of my mother's wisdom, here is my blog update...

Going to school in Chi.na is very very very very very hard.

Very hard.

After a 15 hour Chine.se day today, I am very thankful that tomorrow I get to put on my teacher cap and observe 3 more of my students. I like being a teacher/in charge so much better than this Chin.ese nonsense.

walk slow. xoxo.